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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn down a wedding invite, because kids are not allowed?and to say the truth of why we are not going?

148 replies

milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 16:12

cousins wedding in july, should we make up a reason why we will not be going or just simply state the truth, in a thats fine if thats what you want to do[not invite kids], we won't be attending but congratulations and hope you have a great day.

and no i do not want to go without dd.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 21:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 21:16

oh sorry she will be 12 months, it is not at a hotel, i don't even think mil would want to travel all that way tbh.

i do not know if there would be "adequate facilities somewhere for you to express."

OP posts:
Chequers · 10/03/2008 21:19

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 21:31

Message withdrawn

llareggub · 10/03/2008 21:39

You won't need to express at 12 months, surely? I haven't expressed since DS was about 6 months and he is 16 months now. No problems at all. I think at that age he was just morning and night feeds anyway.

jasper · 10/03/2008 21:39

cat 64 thank goodness I was starting to think I might have to leave mumsnet due to lack of kindred spirits.

Madamez I LOVE your posts.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 21:40

mf, when did i ever say that "you feel you are not an individual now, just a parent."

i never said that !
just said i pefer to spend my weekends with dd and dh.
i loved my life before we had dd and i love it even more now!
nowt wrong with that, so what if i would enjoy it more having dd there aswell.

anyway thanks for all yours questions as ill be able to fend my mother off easier now im fully prepared, my mother is also like a dog with a bone!.

anyway, if you think weddings are so important and my cousin will be so upset if we don't go.
why don't you get married yourself?
im sure you'd make a great bridezilla! and you can decide if children and babies are invited or not to your own wedding.

personally all children and babies where welcome at ours and we had 8 babies attend which i though was wonderful!

OP posts:
collision · 10/03/2008 21:45

blimey! Just leave MG alone!!

she wants to be with her baby and go away with her DH!

Talk about winding up a situation.

i could not have had children at my wedding and we had a bouncy castle and an entertainer to keep them quiet! Twas great.

Last year DH and i went to a childfree wedding and left the boys with my sister which was also great.

Each to their own and all that.

Have a lovely weekend MG.

lilacclaire · 10/03/2008 21:45

Just tell your cousin to postpone for a year until you are gagging to get a night away from your dd Or just tell the truth, too long away from your dd, but have a fab time.

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 21:46

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 10/03/2008 21:49

Tell the truth.
I would. Only read OP, can't be bothered to debate this old chesnut again. IMO if people don't invite children they have to be prepared to accept that some people will choose not to go. And my reason isn't that I don't like nights away without children, it's that if I'm going to use precious babysitting I want to use it in a 5 star hotel with dh, not at a wedding. They're family occasions imo but I am well aware that many consider the bride can do whatever she likes, up to and including invading small countries.

WideWebWitch · 10/03/2008 21:49

chesTnut, I can spell it

BarcodeZebra · 10/03/2008 21:54

There is a simple solution that you've all missed.

Dress DD in a false beard and take her with you. Tell everyone that "he's" an old friend who's a dwarf. When "he" starts to create just say that "he" got drunk on the way over and that weddings always make "him' cry. Picture the look on their faces when you breastfeed "him" later.

Perfect. A day to remember.

By the way. I think MF is your cousin.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 22:01

lol good point bcz i think many adults behave far worse than children !

i think mf, is my mother not my cousin

OP posts:
JayneF · 10/03/2008 22:05

Oh yes BCZ,...lovin' that thought. Also could throw in som baloney about a critical illness if DD is not walking or still wobbly on her feet...oh, this could be a winner MG!!!

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 22:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 11/03/2008 09:02

lol, ok ill say im too young to be going out then

but, btw, i don't think you should just tell breastfeeding mothers that they can express, yes by all means ask if its a possibilitiy, but some bfing mothers i know can not express,they pump but just can't get on with it for some reason, its not that easy for everyone to express you know.

OP posts:
clam · 11/03/2008 09:14

The total amount I ever managed to express, with 2 DCs, was half a teaspoon. And that hurt, too. Efforts weren't helped by DH moo-ing from the other room.....

LilRedWG · 11/03/2008 09:25

I have only read the OP, so sorry if repeating, but my advice is to decline, but graciously.

When DH and I got married we wanted a small wedding, but I am part of a huge family, so we said neices and nephews are invited during the day, but other children only on the evening.

My cousin (who was also my Godmother) took umbridge (sp?) and sent an arsey letter to my Dad, saying, "If my children aren't welcome then I'm not welcome! I'm still BFing the youngest and am not leaivng her." My aunt (Dad's sister) told her that I wouldn't mind her bringing the baby for the meal, but wanted to keep overall numbers down and that the other four (aged 18-5) were invited on the evening - we had sent them a seperate invite explaining.

The attitude she took really upset my Mum & Dad and I was also very hurt. I told Dad to invite the children to the meal and he said that it was my wedding and not hers.

The result was that my cousin never spoke to my Dad or myself again and sadly died a few years ago, with us not being able to mend any bridges.

Kimi · 11/03/2008 09:38

I would just decline nicely saying thank you for inviting us, we are unable to attend without DD but we wish you love and happiness.

Chequers · 11/03/2008 10:26

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 11/03/2008 10:27

Message withdrawn

Kimi · 11/03/2008 10:43

Hello Chequers. No bumping this one off then

alicet · 11/03/2008 10:54

I also think you should be honest about why you are declining. Like others have said it's not unresonable of them to want a childfree wedding but it would be unreasonable of them not to expect that some will decline as a result.

However on reading the whole thread it is clear to me that you actually don't want to go to the wedding anyway - you mention something along the lines of finding family dos wearing and not really wanting to spend the money (or similar). And you have found an excuse to every suggestion that might help you.

So I think you should think about your motives really. If you honestly are only declining because you don't want to leave your dd that is fair enough and your decision. If you are using her as an excuse because you don't want to go I think that is very unreasonable of you as from the sounds of things people made much effort to celebrate your wedding with you.

If I am wrong I apologise though!

pinkyp · 11/03/2008 11:02

I dont think there not inviting your dd to be nasty etc, when i had my wedding one of my friends had 5 kids, that ment spedning £50 on kids meals for them not to eat them, and they'd also be board etc and then parents wouldnt enjoy themself etc. So i decided just to invite kids to the night do. So if u dont want to go without daughter thats fair enough, but to want to be nasty back when this cousin has done nothing wrong,yes i do think you are being unreasonable!

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