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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn down a wedding invite, because kids are not allowed?and to say the truth of why we are not going?

148 replies

milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 16:12

cousins wedding in july, should we make up a reason why we will not be going or just simply state the truth, in a thats fine if thats what you want to do[not invite kids], we won't be attending but congratulations and hope you have a great day.

and no i do not want to go without dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:10

mf i mean

OP posts:
catzy · 10/03/2008 20:11

I'd tell the truth. You don't have to be nasty about it. As they have the right to have no children at their wedding you have the right to not go for the same reason.

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:15

Message withdrawn

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2008 20:15

yes, tell the truth
why not?
if this is their choice, then that has consequences.
a wedding really isn't the same as a funeral, is it? and generally speaking children are welcome at the wake after a funeral.

clam · 10/03/2008 20:21

I love spending family weekends too. So, I totally understand that part. But as there are 51 other weekends of the year to do that, my point was that your cousin might feel a little miffed that you can't/won't spare a bit of time to come to her wedding. Or she might not. So, if you're really not making a point of the fact that your DD has not been invited, then word the reply sensitively.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:26

it will be the whole weekend due to the fact its a four hour drive, and the wedding starts at 11am

i am maternity leave at the moment, and dd is bf which makes it harder to be apart purely from a practical point of view anyhow

OP posts:
Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:31

i think its just how people differ tbh. like on sunday we went out with friends for sunday lunch and one of my friends was saying how she cannot wait until their holiday in april, as she is going to put her ds into the kids club and drink cocktails on the beach allday.
i know shes only joking about doing this everyday, but i can't wait to take dd on holiday in the summer and swim with her in the pool and sea and build sandcastles and i hate it if she was put in a kids club.
but it would be a boring world if we where all the same. wouldn't it?

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:32

Message withdrawn

clam · 10/03/2008 20:32

So, is MotherFunk's idea of taking MIL along not an option?
Actually, am not sure why I'm sticking my beak in on this one. It seems you don't want to go, so you probably won't want suggestions as to how it could be managed. I just love a party, me, so I would want to go, that's all. Just don't broadcast the fact that you're off for a nice weekend somewhere else instead. That really might your cousin.

BoysOnToast · 10/03/2008 20:34

if you dont tell them why, theyll think its coz they smell.
so tell em or dont, depending on how much you wanna fck with their heads.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:36

trust me, i would have to bf dd as id be in pain. and mil is not in fit health to travel that far and back in one day! and she wouldn't want to.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:40

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:42

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jellybeans · 10/03/2008 20:42

YANBU I would tell them and I wouldn't go either, not my kind of wedding (each to their own)

JayneF · 10/03/2008 20:43

First time it happened to me DS was 8 mths and i was miffed and deeply horrified at the thought of not taking him.

But, actually, was a really dear friend and I could not have missed it. Ended up having a wonderful time ,off duty as it were, with lots of olf friends and some much neededromance with my lovely DH.

It can be a good thing..despite inital reactions. Now entirely with Joash - next invite we get, we will attend but the babies will be,..er,...busy!!

clam · 10/03/2008 20:45

So, go back to morningpaper's suggestion earlier: So sorry, but unable to leave DD for that period of time (childcare/BF issues - although how old will she be by then? still BF?) but hope they have a lovely time. And send a nice present (regardless of non-attendance at wedding/present etiquette, she's still your cousin). And be keen on seeing the photos afterwards.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:46

well, i'd actually have to buy another pump in that case ive i flogged my old one at the weekend. and i know bf in public is now the norm and totally acceptable but i don't really think expressing is [well i won't fancy it anyway] lol
and no i wouldn't want to go and sit in the toilet for half an hour befroe you suggest that !

i never suggested mil looking after dd, i just said my mother would probably suggest it!

OP posts:
dal21 · 10/03/2008 20:49

Do what you want to do.

Can tell wedding season is starting...how many wedding threads???

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:53

Message withdrawn

BoysOnToast · 10/03/2008 20:54

you must all know much 'straighter' (more 'respectable'??) people than me...

ive only been to 3 weddings in me life, and they were all aunts.

sigh. all that shopping potential...

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 21:00

my mil hasd not offered or suggested. i said my mother would suggest my mil has dd.

the wedding is not at a hotel if thats what your thinking? [for expressing purposes]

yes i will be bf dd then she will be 10months

OP posts:
llareggub · 10/03/2008 21:02

If the wedding is at a hotel then you may well be able to borrow a room to express, even if you aren't staying. I've done this a few times and it hasn't been a problem at all.

Usually most people don't mind a breastfeeding baby at weddings. But as others have said, just say you can't go. It isn't compulsory.

bagism · 10/03/2008 21:03

Honesty is the best policy!

LittleBella · 10/03/2008 21:04

No you're not being unreasonable.

I don't know why some people seem determined that you should go. It's the bride's day, nobody else's, so nobody else has to go.

And Madamez you take the biscuit with your mysognist "breeder" insult. FGS.

Elasticwoman · 10/03/2008 21:10

If you decline but send a card and gift you can stay on good terms with them. Let's face it, they probably asked you because they didn't want to hurt your feelings by leaving you out, rather than because they are desperate to have your company on the day. I have declined similar invites in the past, saying that I could neither bring dc nor leave them at home.