Caused a major fallout with inlaws

[WomanManChildDogCat]

Buckle up, it’s a long one…
Every year DH and I host his parents for Christmas Day. We have done for 10+ yrs. Sometimes BIL has also come but not since he got with his partner 4yrs ago (SIL). This year BIL and SIL offered to host PIL for Christmas. Great, no problem. In fact I wanted to go to my parents in another country so works out perfectly.
They are also hosting their adult daughter and her partner and SIL’s parents.
BIL and SIL usually come to us for a weekend in November or December. We all live hours apart so don’t see much of each other through the year.
So this year, we were invited to go to theirs for a weekend, last weekend.
We went and had a lovely weekend. Mostly.
On arrival I noted that they had changed their bathroom since we were last there a few months ago. They explained that they had had drainage problems so had moved the toilet and outlet pipe. I asked had that sorted the problem and SIL said “Yes we hope so. The smell was dreadful so unless we’ve just gotten used to it, we think the problem is sorted”.
They have one bathroom and a separate toilet downstairs. Our room was next to the bathroom upstairs and on the first night we noticed an awful smell. The bathroom stank, like really public urinals stank. When I went to the toilet I held my breath, it was disgusting. There was no air freshener and no mention from BIL or SIL about the smell.
I said to DH that we should say something, let them know as they must be noseblind to it. He said absolutely not, do not mention it.
Anyway the smell remained and it was so gross that even having a shower in the same room did not dispel it.
On the second night, we were all a bit tipsy and while DH and BIL were in the garden with the dog I said to SIL, really kindly, that I thought maybe their pipes still needed looking at as there was a bit of a whiff in the bathroom. I thought if it was me I’d want to know, especially if I was hosting guests soon. She took it well, seemed a bit surprised and said they would get the plumbers back. She thanked me for mentioning it. We enjoyed the rest of the evening and the next morning went out for a lovely breakfast all together and then we left with lovely goodbyes and see you soons.
We had not even got home when SIL posted on the family Christmas WhatsApp chat “Well, we’re no longer hosting Christmas as apparently our house stinks of piss. Perhaps Womanman will host in their perfect house”.
I was gobsmacked. DH was livid “ I asked you not to say anything”. Before I could respond I was removed from the group chat and SIL not answering my calls. I have messaged to apologise for any offence caused etc but no response.
DH family are furious. They love a bit of drama but I honestly did not think SIL was like that.
Now there is a whole WhatsApp drama going on and I can’t believe I am the cause - I am so not confrontational, I hate it.
I don’t really know what to do.
DH wants nothing to do with it and just keeps saying “I told you not to mention it”.

It's such a shame that people have such poor literacy that they can't read the OP without a gap between paragraphs.

OP I don't think you should have said anything. Your DH very clearly asked you not to.

It's not your responsibility that they've reacted so stupidly. I can't stand 2 faced people.

I also think you're better off ignoring them all and just look forward to having a nice Christmas with your family.

I’d be annoyed if I said to dh “please don’t mention anything” but he did anyway in a slightly tipsy state. Maybe your dh read the room better than you?

She’s being ridiculous but I do get why your dh isn’t backing you on this, and I rarely say that. You over-stepped - it’s dh’s family and he made a call then you went against it thinking you knew better.

Say it was a drunken joke it doesn't smell at all and let the inlaws and any friends they have put up with it

I think the Dh obviously knew they'd react like this! But really, if you can't be honest with family about something like this it's ridiculous.

And your parents will be 'alone' if you don't see them.

Just go and leave her to it.

It's your 'turn' to see your parents. Don't give the guilt tripping a second thought.

Sensitive wee souls. Bless their hearts!

Absolutely not your problem! Ignore.

You were asked to say nothing, your OH obviously anticipated the fall out, so it is your fault, having said that it is a huge over reaction. There’s not much you can do now, just hope for your husbands sake it all settles down, it’s not nice for him to lose his good relationship with his family.

Here's solution. Your PIL host your SIL whilst their bathroom is out of action.

I can’t believe the reaction from SIL. It’s so OTT. And the paragraph police are a pain in the ass.

The paragraphs in the original text are fine 🤣

Your in laws are being massively unreasonable. However I would be quite annoyed with you if I was your husband. He clearly knew they would not react well. It sounds like SIL went off and told his brother and his brother has flipped out about it. However they seem on the surface, he clearly knew this could be the case.

They are absolutely RIDICULOUS!
You did the right thing in mentioning the stench and their reaction is baffling.

I think PPs are right, if it didn’t smell on arrival and then developed the smell of piss overnight, your BIL is pissing somewhere other than the toilet when he gets up in the night.

Not your fault though!

I think your husbands reaction to you asking if you should mention the smell should have told you enough not to mention it, he likely knew this is how she would act, and the rest of the family too.

I would just leave it now tbh, you’ve apologised and they’ve thrown the toys out of the pram by blocking you from the whatsapp. Go and have your Christmas with your family, don’t give them a second thought. They’ll either stew and more fool them, or they’ll get over it by Xmas. You can’t control what they do, so don’t work yourself up about it.

If I had a house that smelled like piss I would want to know though! It’s not likely to be sewer problems as PPs have said, there is a very clear distinct sewer smell, very different to piss. Do they have cats? My friends couldn’t be let into the bathroom as it would always piss on the bath mat and shit in the bath!!

And yes, the paragraphs are standard paragraphs, which start with either a new line (which you did) or an indent. It doesn’t have to have a line break. Does no one read a book?

you are VERY rude. very!!

So basically you did a nice thing to warn SIL about the smell then she acted fine to your face and later decided to have a massive moan on the group chat then act like a child and block you from the chat and ignore your calls. YANBU! How pathetic they all are. Tell her thanks alot for being a two faced cow and causing you all this unnecessary stress!

Whilst they’ve been over sensitive, you’ve just hit a nerve. They now know their home smells of urine and they’re embarrassed to host family for Christmas, I get that. Now they need to get the plumber back, rip out pipes, bathrooms etc. I can see why she’s stressed.

I remember hosting a party for all my DH’s friends, we had a nice house and were going to a lot of effort. One of his mates who was a single lad living in a little flat (who never as much made us a cup of tea) came over to me while I was preparing food, serving drinks, generally doing 100 things said ‘Christ Jane, that bin liner needs changing, it stinks’. I said ‘alright alright, I’ll do it in a sec’. Obviously I never said anything but it really pissed me off, we had a lovely home, he was eating and drinking free food, i’d been tidying for days and that’s the one fucking thing he said! And because it was a cleanliness / hygiene thing I was just a bit sensitive.

I think this is a similar scenario, she’s had guests to stay, probably gone to a lot of effort and they say the house smells of wee, pretty fucking mortifying for her. I get that they knew there was an issue, but had you listened to your husband and kept your trap shut, all this could have been avoided.

If your post was verbatim for what you actually said then she came up with the cause of the smell by herself so she clearly knew it smelt of pee rather than being caused by the drains. Maybe the male members of the household have particularly poor aim and it has soaked into the floorboards ? Whatever , your words were kindly meant so why should you change your plans? You haven't been with your side of the family at Christmas for 10 years, it's time that was evened up a bit.

You’ve just freed yourself up from ever having to host any of these batshit in-laws ever again - result!!

Your DH is spineless. If their bathroom stinks so badly even showering was difficult, the cause will be doing damage to pipes & floors. You’ve done them a favour by flagging it & giving the lazy gits a way out of hosting.

Don’t give any of them the oxygen of attention. Your MiL especially needs to give her head a wobble. Not so sad about Christmas by herself she won’t listen to you & try to calm things.
I’d be very clear with her she needs to get used to having Christmas with just her DH because she wouldn’t be setting foot in my house again for her shit stirring.

Sorry but no she didn't. If my bathroom stank of piss I'd absolutely want my guests to tell me. You'd rather everyone just keep quiet and put up with it if your house stank?

TBF-they had a drainage issue; they’ve just spent probably thousands trying to fix it. It’s not been fixed. She opened the door with maybe we are noseblind. I’d be glad of being told because I could get the plumbers back ASAP to fix whatever it is that they haven’t!

Total over reaction from your SIL, and the rest of the family for jumping on the bandwagon.

I think she’s using it as an excuse not to host Xmas and she’s probably upset that the cost of the new bathroom has not fixed the problem.

Admittedly, I’d be upset about the thought of trying to get it fixed before hosting family at xmas, it would cause me to spiral. However, I’d do it in the privacy of my (stinky) home.

Enjoy your Xmas with your family and let the rest of them get on with it.

And I hope my post passes ok with those that have derailed the thread about paragraphs. Only on mumsnet, FFS.

This thread absolutely exemplifies why you shouldn't have posts about batshit in laws on Mumsnet.

On the one hand you should enter the twilight zone and step in line with their disjointed reality because 'it's his MUM/FAAAMILLLEEEE', on the other you should stand up to in laws and not be a doormat. And if you fail to square that circle and WWIII breaks out, well it was all your fault for not behaving 'correctly' in any given scenario, no matter how unprecedented, how bonkers and how unfair that said scenario was. And if your DH is a bit of a twat about it too? Well then you have a 'DH problem' that you are also expected to take sole responsibility for solving.

I really, really, really hope some of the posters who incredulously/obtusely ask on similar threads, 'Well why don't you just say how you feel/what you want/speak up', read this thread, and remember the time one poster did and it resulted in the in laws CANCELLING CHRISTMAS.

OP, I am now v low contact with my in laws and my decision followed over a decade of bonkers tantrums, and yes, there was even a flare up over a minor plumbing issue with them once. In fact, the straw that broke the camels back was over a tantrum about an electrical non-issue.

But I digress, my point is I don't think you owe people like this the pretence of a relationship and the next step for you is navigating what that means for you and your relationship with your DH. I hope you both have a nice Christmas.

Honestly I can imagine similar upset in my family - and I know I would be mortified and upset if somebody told me my house smelled of pee, and would struggle to see it as "kindly meant". I would never tell somebody their house smelled unless they asked me outright, and even then I'd tread extremely carefully. Your DH knows his family best and you chose to ignore him - whether or not you are right in the eyes of MN doesn't really change anything.

To be fair... probably would have been best not to mention it. Especially as you weren't going to be staying there again any time soon.

But it's done now. You've tried to apologise, and now just leave them to it. Go to your parents as planned, and - like most family dramas - it'll blow over in time.