Caused a major fallout with inlaws

[WomanManChildDogCat]

Buckle up, it’s a long one…
Every year DH and I host his parents for Christmas Day. We have done for 10+ yrs. Sometimes BIL has also come but not since he got with his partner 4yrs ago (SIL). This year BIL and SIL offered to host PIL for Christmas. Great, no problem. In fact I wanted to go to my parents in another country so works out perfectly.
They are also hosting their adult daughter and her partner and SIL’s parents.
BIL and SIL usually come to us for a weekend in November or December. We all live hours apart so don’t see much of each other through the year.
So this year, we were invited to go to theirs for a weekend, last weekend.
We went and had a lovely weekend. Mostly.
On arrival I noted that they had changed their bathroom since we were last there a few months ago. They explained that they had had drainage problems so had moved the toilet and outlet pipe. I asked had that sorted the problem and SIL said “Yes we hope so. The smell was dreadful so unless we’ve just gotten used to it, we think the problem is sorted”.
They have one bathroom and a separate toilet downstairs. Our room was next to the bathroom upstairs and on the first night we noticed an awful smell. The bathroom stank, like really public urinals stank. When I went to the toilet I held my breath, it was disgusting. There was no air freshener and no mention from BIL or SIL about the smell.
I said to DH that we should say something, let them know as they must be noseblind to it. He said absolutely not, do not mention it.
Anyway the smell remained and it was so gross that even having a shower in the same room did not dispel it.
On the second night, we were all a bit tipsy and while DH and BIL were in the garden with the dog I said to SIL, really kindly, that I thought maybe their pipes still needed looking at as there was a bit of a whiff in the bathroom. I thought if it was me I’d want to know, especially if I was hosting guests soon. She took it well, seemed a bit surprised and said they would get the plumbers back. She thanked me for mentioning it. We enjoyed the rest of the evening and the next morning went out for a lovely breakfast all together and then we left with lovely goodbyes and see you soons.
We had not even got home when SIL posted on the family Christmas WhatsApp chat “Well, we’re no longer hosting Christmas as apparently our house stinks of piss. Perhaps Womanman will host in their perfect house”.
I was gobsmacked. DH was livid “ I asked you not to say anything”. Before I could respond I was removed from the group chat and SIL not answering my calls. I have messaged to apologise for any offence caused etc but no response.
DH family are furious. They love a bit of drama but I honestly did not think SIL was like that.
Now there is a whole WhatsApp drama going on and I can’t believe I am the cause - I am so not confrontational, I hate it.
I don’t really know what to do.
DH wants nothing to do with it and just keeps saying “I told you not to mention it”.

This 👆 I'm afraid.

Agree with this. If you told her the bathroom had a bit of a whiff” not sure how SIL would interpret that as “stinks of piss” (Unless of course you were utterly shit faced rather than a bit tipsy and told her it had a “men’s urinal” stink)

they've overreacted but I can see why your husbands pissed off with you.

Yes! There are paragraphs and there are blank ines between paragraphs; the latter are not obligatory.

OP I'm sorry - that just sounds ridiculous.

Well in that case he can explain why we are leaving asap and not staying any longer!

Massive over reaction by sil.

And? They aren't compulsory

Doesn't change the fact that OP did indeed use paragraphs. How embarrassing for those criticising her.

OP I'd say nothing. Agree with @Mikimoto that it's likely a combination of factors that has caused the drama, including you being less tactful than you would have been when sober (something I'm guilty of).

Whenever PIL mentions Christmas, don't mention SIL or the bathroom, just talk about how long it's been since you had Christmas in Ireland and how you're looking forward to it. Did your parents come over in that decade?

Ah well, i wouldnt worry about it. Youve done nothing wrong. sIL has shown that shes an arse. Get those flights booked and enjoy Christmas !

God, what ridiculous drama!!! Just let them get on with it op and spend a lovely Christmas with your parents.

Why are people copying and pasting the VERY long OP just to insert paragraphs? I mean how ridiculous can you be

I audibly laughed at the "this is draining".

Me too, and I think that pun was hugely underappreciated 😁

I wonder if they've had their electrics checked. I eventually tracked down a revolting smell to the light fitting in ds2's room. When I took it out to replace it, it was black where it had essentially started frying.

OP try not to fret. They clearly have issues- whether that's because they didn't want to host, or they're annoyed that they've spent a lot trying to fix the problem and it isn't fixed, or whatever else, it really isn't your problem.

Have a lovely Christmas with your family.

I think your DH is right. She doesn't want to host and is using this as an excuse. Your MIL is mega pissed and misplacing her anger onto you, as she doesn't want for some reason, to be angry at your SIL. Possibly your BIL is the GC? So it's easier for everyone if you're the villain.

Meh. I figured out a couple of years ago that I didn't really care about being the villain, since I didn't actually like my IL's anyway. Life has been a lot easier since then.

For all the folk saying there's no paragraphs, there is in the app, don't be so quick to criticise, sometimes it's a formatting error wherever you're reading the thread.

“Either a) I helped flag up that the plumbing problem wasn’t quite fixed (thought you would want to know while the bathroom fitters would probably still come back and have a look for free). Or b) There wasn’t a problem, which is great - and obviously means there’s no need to withdraw your invitation to inlaws.”

I think I'd be grateful for being removed from the WA group.
Sounds so bonkers they'd probably get uptight if you removed yourself.

Could the paragraph police please go away and stop derailing the thread. I've never read so many posts in one thread regarding paragraphs - the OP was perfectly fine to read.

OP - your SIL is absolutely batshit and your DH should be sending a message to the WhatsApp group supporting you and then leaving the group himself. It sounds like SIL is just looking for an excuse not to host. If PIL are going to take SIL's side in this then I wouldn't even bother hosting them again. Stick to your guns here - go to Ireland and have a lovely Christmas.

Oh and you were right to tell SIL her bathroom stinks.

Well you clearly touched a raw nerve OP, but leave them all to it. SIL does not need to cancel Christmas on account of your comments, but she still chose to do so.

One day I bet you get added to a new family group chat. Please make your first message there “How’s the pissy bathroom, @ SIL?” and immediately change the group name to Jingle Bells, SIL’s bathroom smells. Even if this is in 10 years time. Let the resentment linger, like the smell.

I am Team OP Used Paragraphs So Stop Chuntering On As If She Didn’t, Thickos

Thank fuck someone said it. Absolutely pathetic

Forgot to add, I'm also firmly in the "yes, there are paragraphs" category. Just open a book.

It is not taught in primary to leave a space. Whilst I and others may do it on the Internet, it is definitely not standard practice and you would have essays returned for it to correct.

Who cares about the paragraphs/no paragraphs debate? 🙄

OP - you have nothing to feel guilty about! If that was my family, we’d either make a joke about the bathrooms smelling like the portaloos at Glastonbury or we wouldn’t have hosted in the first place until the problem was fixed. Sounds like your SIL is jealous of you and nasty/bitchy with it. Just because you said something that was true - why wait until the next day, exaggerate your comment and then make a dig about you having a perfect home? Sounds like she is feeling inferior to you and annoyed with you because of this!

This could have been me, and I’d absolutely want to know.
someone said you couldn’t go noseblind to smells like that, you absolutely can. Mine was en suite and in the end I had to have the lot ripped apart and redesigned.
Id want to know, in fact for months after it was done I’d ask my adult kids if they could still smell it.

The other important point to make is sewer gasses are dangerous. Inhaling those could have made them incredibly ill. Ask your dh to look up hydrogen sulphide poisoning.

If it smells like shit then they have a sewer problem. If it smells like piss then BIL is pissing on the bathmat and that's why she's upset.

I echo the example of it being a traps problem that a PP outlined. Could be that.

If your husband said don't mention it - you DON'T MENTION IT. Pissed or not, you leave it be. Imagine how annoyed you'd be if he did the same to you - you'd be on here saying he doesn't respect your boundaries.

That said, don't worry about it. Enjoy Ireland!

Can you imagine if you hadn’t told her though?

you’d have got the blame! “Oh yes we paid through the nose to get it fixed and they stayed and it all went to hell!”

Any normal person would’ve be fine that you told them. She’s utterly ridiculous. I’d be annoyed if my husband wasn’t backing me up!

Never mind the piss, I'm engaged with the paragraphs! Good old Mumsnet, never lets you down.