Caused a major fallout with inlaws

[WomanManChildDogCat]

Buckle up, it’s a long one…
Every year DH and I host his parents for Christmas Day. We have done for 10+ yrs. Sometimes BIL has also come but not since he got with his partner 4yrs ago (SIL). This year BIL and SIL offered to host PIL for Christmas. Great, no problem. In fact I wanted to go to my parents in another country so works out perfectly.
They are also hosting their adult daughter and her partner and SIL’s parents.
BIL and SIL usually come to us for a weekend in November or December. We all live hours apart so don’t see much of each other through the year.
So this year, we were invited to go to theirs for a weekend, last weekend.
We went and had a lovely weekend. Mostly.
On arrival I noted that they had changed their bathroom since we were last there a few months ago. They explained that they had had drainage problems so had moved the toilet and outlet pipe. I asked had that sorted the problem and SIL said “Yes we hope so. The smell was dreadful so unless we’ve just gotten used to it, we think the problem is sorted”.
They have one bathroom and a separate toilet downstairs. Our room was next to the bathroom upstairs and on the first night we noticed an awful smell. The bathroom stank, like really public urinals stank. When I went to the toilet I held my breath, it was disgusting. There was no air freshener and no mention from BIL or SIL about the smell.
I said to DH that we should say something, let them know as they must be noseblind to it. He said absolutely not, do not mention it.
Anyway the smell remained and it was so gross that even having a shower in the same room did not dispel it.
On the second night, we were all a bit tipsy and while DH and BIL were in the garden with the dog I said to SIL, really kindly, that I thought maybe their pipes still needed looking at as there was a bit of a whiff in the bathroom. I thought if it was me I’d want to know, especially if I was hosting guests soon. She took it well, seemed a bit surprised and said they would get the plumbers back. She thanked me for mentioning it. We enjoyed the rest of the evening and the next morning went out for a lovely breakfast all together and then we left with lovely goodbyes and see you soons.
We had not even got home when SIL posted on the family Christmas WhatsApp chat “Well, we’re no longer hosting Christmas as apparently our house stinks of piss. Perhaps Womanman will host in their perfect house”.
I was gobsmacked. DH was livid “ I asked you not to say anything”. Before I could respond I was removed from the group chat and SIL not answering my calls. I have messaged to apologise for any offence caused etc but no response.
DH family are furious. They love a bit of drama but I honestly did not think SIL was like that.
Now there is a whole WhatsApp drama going on and I can’t believe I am the cause - I am so not confrontational, I hate it.
I don’t really know what to do.
DH wants nothing to do with it and just keeps saying “I told you not to mention it”.

We don’t use our bath, it did get used when the grandkids were smaller but they get showered now and we use the shower too. I run water through the bath now and again to stop the standing water in the pipes from causing a smell.

Your husband specifically asked you not to mention it yet you went ahead and did so. He obviously felt that way for a reason and, knowing the family, you obviously knew what it was.

You’re now shrugging your shoulders and pretending you had no idea it would cause such drama.

I would want to know if my house stunk, it was apparent from your husband’s reaction that his family would not feel the same.

At least you know now, they prefer people to lie so they remain ignorant of an increasingly expensive issue.

Literally, nobody cares. The fact you bothered to write this out too 😂 scroll on, go about your day, don’t be such a twat.

I can’t believe I’m reading this. They brought up the smell, said they were potentially nose blind and so opened the discussion. You thought you were being helpful and you were.

They sound absolutely bloody awful. If they enjoy drama let them get on with it, you’ve apologised (although in my mind you haven’t done anything that requires it). Don’t engage and don’t feed it, they’ll be doing enough of that themselves. People like that will find some other minor transgression to move onto soon.

My husband works in end of life care, people like your in laws need to get some perspective - imagine filling your short time on this Earth with bullshit like this?

Don't engage with the fuckers and enjoy the fact your parents are sane over Xmas.

You've managed to free yourself of 100% of inlaws with 1 tiny comment!
You should be giving inspirational TED talks.

This!!! 😂

Most of DHs awful family no longer speak to me and I was upset at first but now I'm just glad I don't have to put up with their shit anymore.

Good point about pointing the smell out in case of any warranty given by the bathroom fitter.
Was everyone else in the house at the time nose blind? I bet they all noticed the stench.

Your DH needs to reply;
'Due to your massive over reaction and rude removal of Woman from the group chat, we won't be seeing you at Christmas anymore, let alone hosting.'

This. Your DH should be in your corner. His family slubd awful, if they dont see sense at least youll have freed him from them

Perfect response. Have a great time in ireland.

You shouldn't have mentioned it, your DH asked you not to. You went against his wishes to his family. The only one who should be mad at you is your DH.

Sounds like she wanted an excuse not to host, and is trying to force your hand hosting the PILs

paragraphs don’t have to be double spaced to be paragraphs. Just saying. Look at the next paperback you open.

Bottom line is - they do have a stinky bathroom! You have done nothing wrong.
If they choose not to host (rather than get it sorted) that’s their choice. Not your fault!

It’s sounds like their house (or at least their bathroom) does stink of piss though?
Just roll your eyes and ignore.

You know what you have to do. Sign them up for post, emails and text from every scented bog product going!

Deny all knowledge of your doing so

LOL

I agree with this.
You pissed them off and you pissed your husband off. You were specifically asked not to mention it. There was a reason for that which you ignored. I assume he knew it would cause offence.
No idea why you didn't listen to him.

OP, was it a drain smell or a urine smell?Because the two are very different and are being conflated on this thread.

My job requires me to go in lots of residential bathrooms, I’ve (literally) seen it all. I also have a lot of experience with bathroom renovations and trades. Urine smells are not caused by plumbing issues.

As other posters have noted, it sounds like this isn’t a plumbing/drain problem, it’s a BIL problem that the pair of them probably know all too well even if they’ve not admitted it to themselves/eachother. It’s not a stretch to imagine how this is a source of real tension for her/them, especially if they’ve spent a lot of money and gone through the disruption of a bathroom refit and he’s still pissing all over the floor the smell is still there.

You’ve found yourself inadvertently wandering into a smouldering hornets nest of an issue and when you add the accelerant of Christmas hosting and over dramatic people into the equation then it’s no wonder it’s fireballed into your face. But you couldn’t have known and she’s being wildly unreasonable reacting in this way.

I agree with Ted talks. I need to be able to throw this grenade!!

I audibly laughed at the "this is draining".

I think SIL probably took it well, internally, then after you left, she spoke to BIL and they argued about inviting guests to smelly house/cost to redo it/lot of "I told you so" and in the anger of the argument, she took it out on you in the group chat as a deflection tbh. Not right, but would explain the niceties to your face, unless they just like the cyber drama.

OP you are going to get recognised from this thread if it ends up in the Daily Mail etc. Think you ought to delete it, would make the whole situation much worse! Your inlaws are loopy and yanbu.

It's easier to read if you leave a line between paragraphs.

Well, it's clear now why your DH told you not to say anything!

Their reaction is ridiculous and that's on them. Your PIL are a couple - no-one is alone for Christmas. If they don't like that, they can either host their son and DIL themselves or try to diffuse the situation instead of whipping up more drama.

Go and enjoy your Christmas with your family for a change and leave them to it!

I wondered if that was the case @Safiey

😂😂😂

Obviously your SIL has been OTT and unreasonable in her response, but putting myself in her shoes, I get very anxious about hosting, so any negative comments like that would play on my mind. My mind would probably be going 'but we've already done what we can, and moving the bathroom around was stressful and expensive and hard to get a plumber for, so do we need to do all that again? What will even sort it? Oh God, we won't get it sorted by Christmas. Is it really rude to ask guests to sleep there with the smell? It's certainly embarrassing if it's bad enough for her to mention it? We never host and now it'll be the Christmas that smells of piss!'

I suspect she reacted well initially out of embarrassment and tried to get past it but she was stewing on it and snapped. The comment about your perfect house kids of suggests she maybe already had a chip on her shoulder - perhaps your DH was aware of this hence not wanting to mention it.

Also, I would assume drainage issue smells would be sewage like, so if you have gone in and mentioned a smell of piss, maybe she knows that's not the original issue and thinks you've pointed out a new one / cleaning issue.

Also, some people on Mumsnet seem very sensitive to smells so I wonder if it could have been that bad you had to hold your breath if sil wasn't even aware of it. She may think you were looking to find fault.