Caused a major fallout with inlaws

[WomanManChildDogCat]

Buckle up, it’s a long one…
Every year DH and I host his parents for Christmas Day. We have done for 10+ yrs. Sometimes BIL has also come but not since he got with his partner 4yrs ago (SIL). This year BIL and SIL offered to host PIL for Christmas. Great, no problem. In fact I wanted to go to my parents in another country so works out perfectly.
They are also hosting their adult daughter and her partner and SIL’s parents.
BIL and SIL usually come to us for a weekend in November or December. We all live hours apart so don’t see much of each other through the year.
So this year, we were invited to go to theirs for a weekend, last weekend.
We went and had a lovely weekend. Mostly.
On arrival I noted that they had changed their bathroom since we were last there a few months ago. They explained that they had had drainage problems so had moved the toilet and outlet pipe. I asked had that sorted the problem and SIL said “Yes we hope so. The smell was dreadful so unless we’ve just gotten used to it, we think the problem is sorted”.
They have one bathroom and a separate toilet downstairs. Our room was next to the bathroom upstairs and on the first night we noticed an awful smell. The bathroom stank, like really public urinals stank. When I went to the toilet I held my breath, it was disgusting. There was no air freshener and no mention from BIL or SIL about the smell.
I said to DH that we should say something, let them know as they must be noseblind to it. He said absolutely not, do not mention it.
Anyway the smell remained and it was so gross that even having a shower in the same room did not dispel it.
On the second night, we were all a bit tipsy and while DH and BIL were in the garden with the dog I said to SIL, really kindly, that I thought maybe their pipes still needed looking at as there was a bit of a whiff in the bathroom. I thought if it was me I’d want to know, especially if I was hosting guests soon. She took it well, seemed a bit surprised and said they would get the plumbers back. She thanked me for mentioning it. We enjoyed the rest of the evening and the next morning went out for a lovely breakfast all together and then we left with lovely goodbyes and see you soons.
We had not even got home when SIL posted on the family Christmas WhatsApp chat “Well, we’re no longer hosting Christmas as apparently our house stinks of piss. Perhaps Womanman will host in their perfect house”.
I was gobsmacked. DH was livid “ I asked you not to say anything”. Before I could respond I was removed from the group chat and SIL not answering my calls. I have messaged to apologise for any offence caused etc but no response.
DH family are furious. They love a bit of drama but I honestly did not think SIL was like that.
Now there is a whole WhatsApp drama going on and I can’t believe I am the cause - I am so not confrontational, I hate it.
I don’t really know what to do.
DH wants nothing to do with it and just keeps saying “I told you not to mention it”.

Plumbing problems can mean leaks which can mean unbelievable structural damage. Staying quiet if you know there might be an issue isn’t polite, your husband’s approach to this was actually quite rude.

your ILs reaction to this is bizarre.

Tbh, because your husband specifically asked you not to mention it and you went ahead anyway, don’t downplay your own role in this drama. What were you trying to achieve by pointing out their bathroom smells? We all know people who ‘kindly’ and with a tinkly laugh make sure they piss on someone’s chips.

Sensitive wee souls.

Liking your work there.

Sorry OP but I also think you should have stayed quiet after your DH asked you to. They're his family, he knows them best, and clearly he was right. I am in agreement with previous posters that you won't have said it as delicately as you like to think you did, considering that you had been drinking.

I feel really sorry for your DH stuck in the middle.

Does he know that you've posted about it publicly?

The drain smell is usually like poo not wee. Maybe their floorboards are soaked in urine this smell is hard to get out they will need to replace them.

So they are op's family when it comes to hosting and cooking but dh's when op needs to butt out? Think not.

She should stop hosting

😂you are naughty !!

@Ibravedaflood well said.

We were doing a renovation and the first thing my family noticed was a poo smell. We had got use to it we located the fault in a pipe and fixed it. They still take the piss about us making our son live in a poo smelling building site and caravan, we just laugh and we all love caravans now too 😬.

But they raised it! They said they knew they had a problem and even mentioned they hoped it was fixed and that they weren’t just used to it. You then (politely) made reference to it in a way that was purely a response to what they themselves had already raised. Their embarrassment at their smelly house is understandable but it’s not on you - you criticise anything without them mentioning it first! They are behaving really badly by making this a huge drama where you’re meant to have been staggeringly rude to your hosts. That’s not what happened.

If they were going to be mad at you for telling them, they were just as likely to blame you for not telling them once the shit hit the fan.

Stop apologising and explaining. You have done nothing wrong. Yes, it would sting if you were told your house smelt and maybe it would have been best not to mention it. However, if it was done in a kind way, you would have to just take it on the chin and deal with it.
Putting a vile message on the family what’s app and removing you, is another level of meanness. Don’t get involved. Stick to your plans and ignore them.

To let them know they have a major plumbing problem? That the person they paid to fix it actually didn’t resolve it?

Would you be one of those people who, later when learning they ended up with a house full of sewage would say “Oh yeah, I thought something seemed off when I was there..”

Don't change your plans. Stay out of it all. If your DH wants to spend Christmas with his parents - still don't change your plans.

SIL is being silly as are the rest of them. (and I'm with you, I'd want to know if my bathroom smelled like a sewer)

@Myfabby You’re the rude one.

You have done nothing wrong here @WomanManChildDogCat .

For whatever reason the inlaws that had work done on their bathroom clearly got cowboys in to do the work and now they are reaping the effects of that.

Picture the situation after you had been and you hadn't said anything to them about the smell, what are the chances that they could have posted something up on the family chat saying that they couldn't host you and your DH again because you were the cause of the blockage/awful smell and that you had caused them X amount of money to fix the issue, because they sound just the type to do something like that (seeing as they booted you out of the WhatsApp group in double quick time).

Best course of action - ignore them. Do not rise to the bait. So, Sil can't host Christmas. There is still time to book somewhere to go for Christmas. You do your plans and leave them to theirs. Not your problem to resolve.

Why was the OPs second (and final) post deleted? It wasn't exactly obscenely rude.

Who is the admin for the WA group who removed you? BIL doesn't seem to feature much in all this apart from being the possible source of the smell if it is indeed a wee rather than a poo/drains type smell. Is he a drama llama too or is this coming from SIL and PILs? If he's actually a calm type can your DH approach him and try to smooth things over.

Although I would definitely be looking forward to spending the next 10 Christmases with my parents and avoiding the in-laws drama if this is how it's going to be.

The traps need closing. Both the plumbing ones and yours.

So my take on it is you have been hosting for 10 years. Your SIL is probably nervous and stressed about taking on the hosting and coming up with something as good as you did. The last thing she needed to here was negatives from the person she is "competing" against, especially as it is about something she is clearly concerned about (the state of the bathroom).

She is of course a bit batshit to go completely off the rails about it. But some people are like that aand work themselves up into a frenzy about this sort of stuff.

The clue to avoiding this situation was of course when your husband said "absolutely not". Not just "don't" or "maybe" but "absolutely not". Maybe he had got a heads up from his brother that his partner was frantic about the bathroom and about the hosting. But you chose to ignore that and go ahead anyway.

So you were unreasonable to bring it up after being warned off and should have left well alone. The situation that's developed is on you. How to fix it - I have no clue.

You done nothing wrong OP. It's not your fault your husband/in laws have a fake/rubbish relationship with eachother.

I'm sure that the hosts knew about the problem, commenting on it was only rubbing their noses' in it, rudely.

Tell SIL if she spreads slanderous rumours about you, you're going to sew-er.

My sides hurt from that one 😂😆😂

Is sil sewer in law now?