To be wildly upset at the behaviour of my “friends”

[aussierules2]

I posted a while ago about a strange dynamic with my friend group. There’s about 10 of us. I was super close to them all. Long story short there was one other girl involved who didn’t get invited to everything, only sometimes, and I found her so full of drama and was really draining to be around. Let’s call her P.

At one point, a lot of the friendship group were slagging P off behind her back. Not very nicely. She messed one of the boys around, and everyone said she was full of drama.
P asked me at one point if everything was ok and I was the only one who said something to her face, I said I wasn’t overly happy with how she treated one of the boys. I said it kindly and that I didn’t mean any harm. She had a massive go at me and we fell out.

I still got on amazingly well with my friends, with other people bringing up problems with P. I didn’t really get involved. Suddenly P is being invited to everything, and I stop getting invited.

I announce that I’m going travelling for 6 months, to which barely anyone responded or was even interested. Apart from 2 of the girls, who decided to take me out for a meal to celebrate. None of the others were interested and I was super upset. But, one of the girls in particular was super lovely and said she “really didn’t like” P.

Now here’s where I get upset. I go travelling and suddenly, my “best friend” in the group has blocked me on social media, and a few others unfollowed, including the boy I stuck up for, who is now best friends with P. The lovely girl who took me for a meal has ignored all my messages, and has been posting pictures of her and P, saying “my favourite”. Seeing all this honestly nearly made me cry.

Now I just feel completely worthless, I have no friendship group to go back to and I feel ganged up on. P is now involved with everything and I just know that everyone had so many bad things to say about her behind her back, and they’re all suddenly best friends.

I am finding it all really hard to take :(

YANBU but now you know they're not true friends.

How old are you ? You sound very young

22

I've heard this before as a way of older women on mumsnet to dismiss those they see as beneath them.

I agree with your assessment.

Thank you. I am an old grumpy cunt but having friends and the challenges that come with isn't a whippersnapper thing.

God, imagine a life when having friends and caring about them is behind you.

What goes around comes around. Give it a few months and P will have pissed everyone off again.

You posted about this recently didn’t you OP? I think the advice you got that time was wise

Don't let their behaviour spoil your travelling. You are on an adventure making new friends. Let them all enjoy playing their silly dramas.

In Mumsnet parlance you have been Wendy'ed. Sorry.

Yup, have your adventure, make new friends, have new experiences.

Fuck them, you don't need them anyway. Let them carry on their petty silly little drama filled lives... I think you've outgrown them anyway, or you will by the time you're done travelling!

Around the same age I lost a group of people I thought were friends. It was a similar thing - one person had done something very offensive to everyone and it was agreed that we weren’t going to stay silent about it. Stupidly I was the first to say anything. The person cried and wailed about feeling attacked and bullied (what she did was incredibly nasty and could have lost one of the group their job).

I went away for the summer and they all welcomed the person back into the group. I was cut out a bit at a time, even by the person who almost lost their job.

I was devastated at the time but now I’m glad I didn’t waste years and years thinking they were my friends.

You’re young. They’re not actually your friends. It’s better to know, even though it hurts.

Sounds like you’ve out grown them, good for you. Treat it like a breakup, look after yourself and move on

Hand on heart, the BEST thing that ever happened to me was breaking free from a shit and toxic friend group. Changed my life for the better in so many ways. All the slagging off and back stabbing is very secondary school -I'd put money on them falling out with someone else in a few months. Enjoy your travels, make new friends and get on with your life. Unfollow everyone on social media so you don't see their posts.

You are not losing anything because they are not real friends. Let them have each other and before long they will turn on someone else

OP, I went travelling at 22 (except the other way around, I went to UK as an Aussie). While I never fell out with my home friends, I never went back to them (even when I returned to Australia). I made all my closest friends travelling or afterwards as a result of my network made from travelling. At the ripe old age of 51, these friends have been in my life 20-30 years. You can (and should) move on. Your so called friends sound really childish, and a bunch of right wankers actually. Have fun on your travels and extend them as long as you can - enjoy being young and free 🙂

None of these people are good friends.

You will make much better friends.

Don’t get involved in squabbles between people, just leave them to it.

Ever heard the saying travel broadens the mind? It often has the same effect on your friendship circle too. You'll be a different person when/if you come back and the type of friends you'll want might change too. Have a fabulous time and try to put this lot behind you, hard as it might feel at this point.

Concentrate on your travels - meet new people and have fun. Maybe you'll love it so much you'll stay! Plenty of people I know did. These people aren't your friends. Even if she told them all you were saying awful things behind their backs they should have talked to you instead of just dumping you. Fuck em - move on.

Been in a similar situation, karma got to that girl in the end, she ended up having to move jobs because she had pissed off too many people and hasn’t been seen in the local area for some time now.

I’ve just found out that ‘lovely girl’ has unfollowed me today.
What I absolutely HATE is not one single person has asked for my side of the story, or checked in with me to ask what’s going on. Just all blindly followed each other in doing the same thing.
I thought she of all people would understand, seeing as her old friendship group treated her like shit…

Block them all.

Make new friends. You're having the time of your life travelling. Enjoy it and the experiences you're going to make.

Friendships come and go. They made you the spokesperson then ditched you. They are 100% not worth it.

They aren't friends, and they're extremely immature. It can hurt when you realise this, but ultimately you'll be better off without childish people who manipulate their 'friends' this way. There are better people out there.

You posted this before I remember it well, it’s hurtful. You need to block/unfollow them all and live your best life. Wasting time on them will be a waste for you. It will take time to get over but you will eventually x

There's no point torturing yourself over it all. Honestly, you'll look back one day and laugh/have no regrets/see how immature it all was. Block them all and enjoy your life. You're off travelling! How exciting! I've had a few friends who went travelling and never really came home again, finding new friends and applying for jobs in countries they liked. Changed their lives.