To be wildly upset at the behaviour of my “friends”

[aussierules2]

I posted a while ago about a strange dynamic with my friend group. There’s about 10 of us. I was super close to them all. Long story short there was one other girl involved who didn’t get invited to everything, only sometimes, and I found her so full of drama and was really draining to be around. Let’s call her P.

At one point, a lot of the friendship group were slagging P off behind her back. Not very nicely. She messed one of the boys around, and everyone said she was full of drama.
P asked me at one point if everything was ok and I was the only one who said something to her face, I said I wasn’t overly happy with how she treated one of the boys. I said it kindly and that I didn’t mean any harm. She had a massive go at me and we fell out.

I still got on amazingly well with my friends, with other people bringing up problems with P. I didn’t really get involved. Suddenly P is being invited to everything, and I stop getting invited.

I announce that I’m going travelling for 6 months, to which barely anyone responded or was even interested. Apart from 2 of the girls, who decided to take me out for a meal to celebrate. None of the others were interested and I was super upset. But, one of the girls in particular was super lovely and said she “really didn’t like” P.

Now here’s where I get upset. I go travelling and suddenly, my “best friend” in the group has blocked me on social media, and a few others unfollowed, including the boy I stuck up for, who is now best friends with P. The lovely girl who took me for a meal has ignored all my messages, and has been posting pictures of her and P, saying “my favourite”. Seeing all this honestly nearly made me cry.

Now I just feel completely worthless, I have no friendship group to go back to and I feel ganged up on. P is now involved with everything and I just know that everyone had so many bad things to say about her behind her back, and they’re all suddenly best friends.

I am finding it all really hard to take :(

It's as simple as this, they weren't your friends. Fake as fuck.
I know it feels horrible but move on and find new ones when you get back, join a new club/hobby, make a bit of an effort and you'll feel better about things. Do not dwell on this when you're on your travels and enjoy yourself please.

They will eventually tear each other apart as they sound quite bitchy and enjoy the drama , you are far better off without them

Believe me these people are not your real friends. You are young and will find new friendships. Don’t look back and enjoy your travels.

People come and go try not to let it get to you. Make better friends with less drama

They sound horrible, and they most certainly are not "friends". Honestly, they sound like they are in primary school - why would you even want them as friends?

Move on and find some grown-ups to socialise with.

P is there and you're not. Find better friends.

When there's Drama, never be The Spokesperson who says what everyone's thinking/gossiping. It will almost always end with you being the villain of the piece and everyone rallying round the person you told off. You know this now and had to experience it to find it out. It's good you went travelling, now you can make a clean break from them and find a new friendship group.

Please.kindergarten stuff.really super tedious.

A bit like your posting style really.

Enjoy your travels, open your mind to new people and new experiences and make the most of every moment. This is a once in a lifetime experience. I completely understand how hurt you are feeling but at 22 you have the world at your feet, truly. That’s not to negate your feelings. It’s horrible what you’re going through and social media means you’re dragged back whenever you look at your phone.
can you get a working visa and extend your trip?
please do something amazing this weekend in whatever global location you are in.

this reads like an episode of made in chelsea

Bunch of idiots. Don’t judge yourself via them. They sound weak willed and superficial. Don’t let people like that determine your self worth.

Crack on with travelling and set your mind on new activities when you’re back - make new friends who aren’t absolute morons.

they sound like hard work so if i was you i would cut my losses and drop contact with the ones who are treating you badly. theres 10 people, there must be some you are closer to than others. and you will meet lots of new people in life. youve got a ton of time to figure out who the real friends are and hold onto them for many years.

that being said, i dont think youre totally absolved of all fault here. you were badmouthing P and confronted her about "messing about" one of the boys - lets be honest, he was probably partially if not equally culpable as well - and started some drama yourself. theres always a chance that it will come back to bite you, even if you're not in the wrong.

Is it possible they have all unfollowed you because they are jealous of the fact you are travelling and having a great time.

They’re not nice people and you deserve better.

Are you on mafs? It really sounds like it, no dump them & find some other friends these ones are awful OP

That really sucks op and its hurtful behaviour. But truthfully- they just don't sound like great people. To all sit around slagging someone off behind their back and leaving them out of things is nasty and childish even if that person brings the drama. To then treat you this way out of the blue is just more of the same. This group is showing you who they are. So rather than getting caught up in the hurt you understandably feel - you need to be thinking if these are actually the type of people you want to be friends with, are they people who share your values and treat others with respect and kindness. If the answer to those questions is no... then this friendship has come to a natural end. Be grateful for the good times, and move on to better, more trustworthy and respectful friends.

Join some clubs when you get home, do some volunteering and really put yourself out there to meet new people- you'll be practising this skill loads when you're travelling and will meet people when you're away too.

I know it’s hard to do, but put this in a box, lock it away as something to deal with when you get home. You are travelling with the world at your feet, new friends, experiences and adventure. When you look back in 20 years that is what you want to remember, not a group of mean girls brining you down from the other side of the world. Life is too short xx

As someone who has been in your shoes before (sort of, not identical) these friends are not your people. I promise you.

It hurts like an absolute bitch right now, but believe me when I say better things are coming.

Let them all stick their noses up each others arses and bitch about each other, because guess what? Youre travelling. You're living life. You're discovering new things about the world and yourself. And that's far more exciting and fulfilling than what they're up too.

Focus on yourself. Block them all. Keep travelling and enjoy yourself.

When you come back keep your head done, go hiking, cycling, join a running or walking club and meet new people or plan your next adventure.

Everything happens for a reason.

F*ck them.

They’re toxic, immature, hypocritical, small-minded and probably jealous of you. You really are better off without them. You’ll have such an amazing time travelling and meet broad-minded people who are more similar to you. There’ll be no looking back.

In a few years from now you will have other friends and forgotten all about these ones. They sound toxic.
If I’m honest, I’ve only really got 2 friends of the same friends at 42 than I did at 22. I’ve met lots of other friends along the way.

You are on the start of a new life adventure… you’re so very young. Enjoy every minute of your travels. Don’t give them another thought

I'm guessing they are jealous that you are having a fab time travelling and don't want to see all you pictures so they unfollowed you. I'd unfollow them all and let them get on with it

Are you the girl who was going to Australia for six months?

Ignore them- enjoy australia! Make new friends.

I'm worried you're missing out on an incredible once in a lifetime experience by dwelling on the past.

You’ve summed what’s it’s taken me decades to realise applies to my in-laws!

Deleted - wrong thread