Is this appropriate for a teaching assistant?

[loiss85]

If you found out that your 15/16 year old child (in Year 11) had been to a birthday party at the home of their class teaching assistant (the party being for the TA's child, a classmate of your child), and alcohol and vaping had taken place at this party which was actively condoned by the TA, how would you feel? Is this appropriate conduct for a TA?

Just avoid

No need to snitch to school, she may lose her job....or is that the outcome you are after?

Jeepers. If I were a TA, I would absolutely not want to be around any of my students while they were drinking. Sounds like a recipe for disaster!

The waters are muddied because she is a TA at her child's school.

But my dc certainly had parties at home when they were 16, and I allowed small amounts of alcohol. I felt that it was a responsible thing to do really - provide alcohol in small amounts so that nobody felt the need to smuggle in stronger stuff, and stay around to supervise. They went to parties too, as did I when I was 16. I don't see the party as the issue, but very difficult as she is also a professional working at their school. On balance, I think she should be allowed to just be a mum, and her dc shouldn't have their experiences limited because of her job.

I wouldn't tell the school but it does sound like the party should have been at someone else's house.

It wouldnt bother me. AT a year 11 party I would expect there to be alcohol and would rather it was out in the open so that any adults there could see what was being drunk rather than it being snuck in and no one knowing what was in the coke bottle etc. I would (and did when mine were in year 11) have been providing my year 11 with cider etc so that I knew what they were drinking and that it was only about 4% alcohol rather than them sneaking in vodka etc which is much stronger (& was what i was drinking at their age).

Vaping I wouldnt be keen on but again it is expected at that age and I would hope that my kids werent stupid enough to do that.

In regards it her the parent being a TA - really a non issue for me. Shes not at work and this her childs party - its nothing to do with her job and doesnt involve her professionalism in her job - they are completely separate.

I agree with a pp just because she is a TA it shouldn’t mean that her kids miss out on the usual shenanigans they get up to!

However if I was in her shoes I would not have done it whatsoever

I think it’s very risky and the chances of her being reported seem high

With their teacher present though??

Id speak with the Safeguarding lead in the school

Those who think school staff can behave however they like in front of pupils outside of school, and can allow pupils under 18 to drink alcohol in their house, know nothing about working in a school! There are clear codes of conduct, even for your own use of social media.

It's not her fault her kid is in yr11. As long as she wasn't participating in the spin the bottle I don't think I'd be very concerned about this.

Report, simple as

This is what happened in year 11 parties at my kids' schools. The fact she is a TA doesn't change that for me.

Actually, I remember my son got drunk at a party and ended up vomiting in his history teacher's house (his teacher's son was my son's best friend). He was so embarrassed afterwards. There was also a wild party at my son's art teacher's house, as she also had a child at the school. These things did not hurt the children any more than parties in the houses of friends whose parents were not on the staff.

It wouldn't bother me as at that age you would be naive to think they weren't drinking and vaping

I would be very surprised if she was present for much of the party,beyond popping in now and then.
No issue with teens playing games, a parent watching would be very "ick".
If she was encouraging them to drink, when perhaps they didn't want to, or initiating drinking games that's wrong, but being present while they drink I wouldn't have a problem with.

They are possibly more relaxed around her because she does see them at school when they are probably more open about what they get up to without parental supervision.

I would rather my teen was at party at a friend's house with a parent in the house, than drinking vodka in a field.

DD 16 has had a couple of parties. We did not provide alcohol but accepted some would bring it. Most brought full size bottles of vodka....I wish I had provided beer tbh!

I had a strict no smoking/vaping in house policy....so many discarded vapes outside!

Exactly this!

So the TA is also a mother to a 15/16 year old child? Yes? and your child attended the party of their child?

No OP, it's not appropriate, it will go against her contract of employment.

I would NOT be contacting the school.
If she didn't have a child that would be different but she really hasn't done anyone any harm and if you report her she could lose her job just so the school can absolve themselves of any risk

Sounds like a normal teenage party and ok yes the TA maybe bordering on the inappropriate but I wouldn't really have an issue with it.

Hmmmm difficult one. Would you be this upset if the parent wasn't a TA?

To be honest, I think the only thing the TA did wrong was not informing parents that there would be alcohol at the party, but to be honest I think most parents would have expected it anyway.

A can of lager and some snogging is very normal for a house party of 16-year-olds. You sound a bit pearl-clutchy by talking about 'kissing each other openly'. Teenagers are allowed to kiss. It was spin the bottle, not an orgy.

I assume she didn't actually hand out vapes to the kids. If they brought their own and vaped at the party, I don't think that's really her problem.

Would you volunteer to host and supervise another parent's 16 year olds boozy birthday or would you think they were a CF?! 🤣

With their teacher present though?
Their PARENT present, supervising, keeping them safe.

Yes. Absolutely.

I know many people who have been teachers or TAs in their child's class. It's not unusual

Ridiculously unprofessional but we did that and far worse as teens with no adults present so 🤷‍♀️