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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
PutinSmellsPassItOn · 03/11/2023 08:32

That's just shitty.

Amd train companies absolutely do leave people stranded, they tried with me and my dd many moons ago. We only got home (( 70 plus miles away )) because a woman from another train company kicked up an absolute stink about a 9 month pregnant woman (( me )) and toddler being left to sit on a platform until the next train at 5am. Its happened in the years since but I'm a bit grumpier these days and can kick up my own stink to get home.

LittleMonks11 · 03/11/2023 08:33

I think we need to know what time you sent your SOS call on behalf of your partner.

Stroopwaffels · 03/11/2023 08:33

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 08:31

Well that was a bit daft. As the OP’s scenario has proved. IF she is in Scotland

Show quote history

The failure of trains in Scotland last night isn't thought to be weather related though.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2023 08:33

So you couldn't get home from station as no taxis about as countryside

It's 20min drive to you and then back again

And no one would help

Yes you have shit friends and family

What time did you ring /need help ?

PetsAreBetter · 03/11/2023 08:33

MumblesParty · 03/11/2023 08:31

OP you’ve asked if you’re justified to feel as you do, but you won’t tell us what actually happened, who was stranded, what the circumstances were. If you were similarly (and annoyingly) vague to the people who you asked for help, it’s highly likely they didn’t know what you were on about. There’ll be a huge backstory here, there usually is. YABU.

I have a feeling you're right. There's something missing for no-one to be willing to help.

MarmitePizza · 03/11/2023 08:33

GladysHeeler · 03/11/2023 07:48

She has given that information.

Who was at the train station?
The OPs partner.

still don’t understand who was where. Who was at the train station? Why was it an emergency? Waiting at a train station for a taxi to become available is boring but not an emergency.

The train had broken down. There were no replacement buses. There were no available taxis. It's November, it was nighttime and there was a storm. They live rurally and the roads are not walkable at night in the dark.

The OP specifically says that the weather was ok - there wasn’t a storm.

You still couldn’t walk in these circumstances though.

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 03/11/2023 08:33

@Parpadew I can understand why you feel upset. It’s not nice to know your family won’t help you.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/11/2023 08:34

RampantIvy · 03/11/2023 08:29

This is such a frustrating thread.

The OP gives vague and cryptic details in her first post. Posters than go through the process of asking many questions to get the full picture.

Then other posters don't bother reading the OP's updates, and have no clue about life outside city life.

Is "just get a taxi" the new cancel the cheque?

For what it's worth I think the train company were at fault for not laying on alternative transport, and the OP's relatives were unkind in not offering to help.

Yes, but the OP has drip fed further details about the fact that she is actually in a city and not in the back end of nowhere as previously implied. And given that her dsis could have apparently picked up dp, dropped him home and then driven home all within a 40 minute window, he obviously isn't that far from the city either, so all the references to very rural locations where no taxis are available seem a bit irrelevant.

In light of the above, "just get a taxi" seems a fairly reasonable response.

Highlandsprocker · 03/11/2023 08:34

Syndulla · 03/11/2023 08:30

Eh? Where did I make this about my own choices?

I'm embarrassed for the people who think that there are taxis, even Ubers, and hotels readily available in rural areas at short notice. The lack of knowledge is astounding.

Show quote history

It's not lack of knowledge, they just don't really care.
If you choose to live rurally then get on with it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2023 08:34

20mins by car I'm guessing 6/7miles yes too long to walk

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 08:34

To me

the brief insight of the Op on this thread

speaks volumes!

Greenberg2 · 03/11/2023 08:36

WhereWhoWhen · 03/11/2023 08:25

I get Trains all the time and yesterday was awful.

I would have helped if I could and think its good manners.

I guess the thing is, if you could get a taxi, why couldn't he? He's an adult and I would've done everything in my power to solve my problem before I expected my in laws to save the day.

Also, while a 40 min round trip isn't terrible, asking someone to go out in a storm is a big ask, especially if they're a nervous driver etc.

Glad you got him home.

He could get a taxi, as did the OP but five hours alone on a platform in November is not fun at all.

For me a twenty minute drive there and then back again is nothing and I'm no spring chicken.

They didn't say they were scared of the storm or worried about night driving. They just didn't want to.

I'm betting this isn't the first time they've let you down OP. In that situation the only thing you can do is lower your expectations of them and not put yourself out for them in future. It's an important lesson in life that people have different values - you can see on this thread that asking someone for a lift at night is comparable to asking them for a kidney. An important part of life is finding people whose values align with yours. Otherwise you're constantly bashing your head against an ethical brick wall.

For what it's worth I'd have picked your partner up if I'd just been your neighbour/friend/acquaintance, let alone an in law.

PetsAreBetter · 03/11/2023 08:36

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:26

No @Flipdiddle I don't deny anything. Evidently I'm not that important to them! That's why I'm sad. It's only going to get worse as we get older and more vulnerable.

Edited

If you're going to live rurally (and you've already said you live in a city), you need to be very well organised as you get older. My parents live in the back end of nowhere and I fear how that is going to work out in future years.

maddening · 03/11/2023 08:36

curtaintwitchersannonymous · 03/11/2023 07:35

Often enough to have been in many breakdowns, delays, and stuck trains over the decades, and I am not sure what the emergency was. This person was sitting on a train? They could have waited there. This is not what I would class as in any way an emergency. A bit annoying. No more. A couple of months ago EasyJet dumped me and at least a hundred other passengers 4 hours late at a closed airport in the pouring rain, in the pitch black, without even telling us which country we were in, after aborting a landing at our destination airport. We waited under the awning at the front of the locked door for about 6 hours until buses and trains stated running in the morning.

It was annoying

It was NOT an emergency

Show quote history

Why is the semantics important- if you remove the worrying "emergency" word that seems so controversial the question is - would you help someone in an annoying situation where they are stuck a 3.5 hour walk away in the dark at night alone and with at that point seemingly no taxis due to the rural location? Particularly a loved one who grants you favours in both annoying and emergency situations?

Mumof118 · 03/11/2023 08:37

Who was stranded? You or a partner?
Why?
What time?
Does the DSis have children?
How did you get a taxi in the end?

Only then can it be determined whether you are being reasonable.

coconutpie · 03/11/2023 08:39

That's really shit OP. They should've gone to help you. Was the weather really bad where they were so that it meant they felt unsafe to drive in those conditions?

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 08:39

“Yeah @justalittlesnoel in my case there would have been a high chance I'd had a wine but my family don't really drink.”

This says it all to me and you are being vague and ignoring direct questions. As you said it sounds like your family and friends don’t care about you.

Do you drive yourself? Do you have a car?

lightisnotwhite · 03/11/2023 08:39

Macaroni46 · 03/11/2023 08:21

But surely if you live rurally, you make sure you can drive?

Show quote history

No one is saying otherwise.

What they are saying is that if you end up stuck there because your train or car breaks down it’s a problem.

WhereWhoWhen · 03/11/2023 08:39

Greenberg2 · 03/11/2023 08:36

He could get a taxi, as did the OP but five hours alone on a platform in November is not fun at all.

For me a twenty minute drive there and then back again is nothing and I'm no spring chicken.

They didn't say they were scared of the storm or worried about night driving. They just didn't want to.

I'm betting this isn't the first time they've let you down OP. In that situation the only thing you can do is lower your expectations of them and not put yourself out for them in future. It's an important lesson in life that people have different values - you can see on this thread that asking someone for a lift at night is comparable to asking them for a kidney. An important part of life is finding people whose values align with yours. Otherwise you're constantly bashing your head against an ethical brick wall.

For what it's worth I'd have picked your partner up if I'd just been your neighbour/friend/acquaintance, let alone an in law.

Edited
Show quote history

OP hasn't told us what time she asked or the reason people said no, beyond "they can't be arsed."

I doubt all the people in her life said that to her in response to her ask but we don't know because OP hasn't shared any further details.

Greenberg2 · 03/11/2023 08:39

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 08:34

To me

the brief insight of the Op on this thread

speaks volumes!

How

does it

speak volumes

to you 😂

Custardslices · 03/11/2023 08:40

Don't the train companies put buses on if they can't provide the train service?

I live rural and taxis are not readily available, the train company are responsible for you to get to a certain destination if you've paid. I would of started to walk whilst you sourced a taxi.

Onceuponaheatache · 03/11/2023 08:40

I think it's pretty shit they refused to help just because they didn't feel like it @Parpadew. I would have helped out as long as my partner was able to watch dd for me (or I'd have sent him).

I always help where I can, currently sat in the cat park of a train station waiting for one of the work interns train to get in because she has to walk from there to work down a notoriously dodgy footpath.

I spent last weekend running my neigh ours partner to see her in hospital. It is a 35 min drive but 9ver 2 hours on unreliable public transport. It is what you do if you can.

However, given the comment about your sister I suspect a backstory exists and would be interested to hear the other side of this story.

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 08:41

lightisnotwhite · 03/11/2023 08:39

No one is saying otherwise.

What they are saying is that if you end up stuck there because your train or car breaks down it’s a problem.

Show quote history

OP wasn’t stuck her partner was so if OP can drive why didn’t she go and pick him up? She previously stated she would likely have drunk wine but OP isn’t answering the questions so all the facts are not apparent.

LittleMonks11 · 03/11/2023 08:41

Nobody needs to wait for 5 hours at a station platform when they are 20 mins from a city. Lots of things don't add up here. If it was late and your partner/you had a phone then why didn't you/they just call a city taxi or Uber? I would have done that instead of asking anyone to come out for a 40 mins round trip to pick up my (adult) partner.

Backstory missing.

ohdelay · 03/11/2023 08:41

Do they like your partner? How late was it? Had they had a drink? It's hard to judge their behaviour as you'd expect a grown man to sort himself out in most situations not involving hospital and not spread the inconvenience across his partners family. Does he have no friends who could pick him up? It's just weird you seem to be doing the running for him.

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