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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School dinners v packed lunch

259 replies

F05ters1 · 02/11/2023 23:30

Reception age daughter begging to go on packed lunches already after 6 weeks of full time school.

Every day without fail when I ask her what was for lunch I get... fishfingers chips and beans, I didn't like the chips and I'm off beans so I ate the fish fingers. Please can I take a packed lunch?

pasta and cheese, I didn't like the cheese and the pasta was soggy so I just had the biscuit for pudding. when can I go on packed lunch?

mince and dumplings today, mince was too salty and the dumpling was soggy, please can I go on packed lunches?

blah blah takes a packed lunch. (dd has even approached said mum who said her dd was a picky eater 🙄)

why can't you just say I'm a picky eater mum!

For context she'll eat a salmon fillet at home but won't eat a fishfinger.
She'll eat fillet steak but not a burger.
She eats all veg and salad but isn't keen on meat. I make soup packed with lentils and do lots of eggy things for protein

I'm torn. school meals are free and I work shifts, it's been a godsend not having to worry about lunch for the four year old restaurant critic! but she is so adamant, should I relent?

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 04/11/2023 11:57

Simonjt · 04/11/2023 11:52

If it’s good enough for children, it should be good enough for the adults. Advocating that if a starving child will give in after a year of not eating properly isn’t a standard any child should be exposed to.

I don't think the council will be up for offering all staff a school lunch on their already tight budget. Like I said before staff are not allowed to order the school meals for themselves in our school, if there are left overs (some days there are, some days not) then they are placed in the staffroom and staff literally fight over these 😂

The child in question wasn't starving, his mother just didn't give in to his fussiness around food, and it payed off for her as he clears his plate now and eats the salad and veg which he refused to at home. She's really happy with how he eats now. It was her choice, not the schools. I guess most parents would give in and give their child the nutella sandwich though, and then wonder why they don't eat vegetables....

concertgoer · 05/11/2023 21:29

My children qualified for free school meals to the end of year 2. I was paying for the older one as it was easier.
when the youngest got to the point of paying or packed lunches I kept refusing packed lunches.
At 7 & 9 THEY persuaded me to let them have packed lunches on the basis that THEY would make them.
I think I’ve made their lunches about 5 times in 6/7 years !!
somtimes they take left overs (they’ll happily have cold pasta!) they do both have good flasks to take warm food, but haven’t used them yet this school year.
i don’t get involved!

some weeks it’s all quite “bought”, crisps, snack bars etc, but they always have some sort of fruit and sometimes they make flap jacks and cakes to have too!

they have sistema lunch boxes full of dividers and find those work well. Especially for bits not in wrappers, like biscuits or handfuls of crisps.

they’ve recently discover (from instagram!) they can make sandwiches in advance and freeze them and the sandwiches aren’t so sweaty at lunchtime! 😂
so they only get bread crumbs all over the kitchen once a week and we don’t have to buy emergency bread on a Thursday evening!!

Brokenmiata · 05/11/2023 21:30

Just give her a packed lunch. They get a bit of fruit for snack, a vile lunch and then maybe another fruit snack in the afternoon... That's not enough food for a child to learn on. How would you fare expected to sit and behave all day on two fish fingers?

My son was having hot dinners, until he told me he wasn't eating them... One day all he ate for the entire school day was two bits of bread. He now has packed lunch and separate snacks.

MidnightEagle · 05/11/2023 21:30

My two were entitled to free school dinners until P5 (Scotland) vut neither would touch them. They would honestly come home from school starving. The neals aren't made fresh at the school, just brought in.
I attended a taster one day which was grim and after speaking to the teachers, they commented that were usually that awful so I started letting them take packed lunches.

Haveyouanyjam · 05/11/2023 21:34

I give my DSS packed lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays and school dinners the rest of the week. Find that’s a good balance. I have told him that when our third comes along that for one half term he will be on school dinners only as he’s old enough to understand that I need to cut back on the non necessity jobs round the house with a newborn. Will go back to it when I feel able.

Casperroonie · 05/11/2023 21:35

Working and making packed lunches for my eldest nearly tipped me over the edge.

My youngest now in Yr R and having school dinners. The dinners at my school are balanced, I'm afraid I believe ch. should learn to try different things. I don't have the time to make lunches now as doing more hours and both mine have school dinners. No way would I turn down free lunches for my youngest, sandwiches and all that fruit chopping takes ages to do, no no no, not for me. It does my head in to do that last thing at night after a massively long day.

I'd keep trying with the free lunches!!

Dunnoburt · 05/11/2023 21:37

Stick with the free school meals...... I've just had that realisation I'm knackered and want to go to bed but haven't done year 3 daughters packed lunch for tomorrow..... free school meals one less thing to worry about!!!!

Bobbob2015 · 05/11/2023 21:38

School dinners are grim from a nutritional perspective. Packed lunches are a pain but I’d rather my kids eat a nutritious lunch and dinner given the choice.

Takenobull · 05/11/2023 21:39

Don’t relent, she’ll get used to it. Every child in my daughters class hated their school dinners initially but by the end of the year we started hearing less and less about them. One thing I would say is stop asking about them too. Asking just brings it to attention all the time.

ttcat37 · 05/11/2023 21:39

Not a chance would I be making and paying for pack ups if I got free school meals. Fussiness over food is an annoying trait both in children and adults. She needs to learn to eat what is available imo, it’s an important life lesson.

Scottsy200 · 05/11/2023 21:40

Had the same with mine, I only relented when one of the mid day assistants told me she wasn’t eating a thing on a Thursday as it was roast dinner (she doesn’t eat roasts at home) then they started serving something she hated on a Tuesday so Tues and Thurs is packed lunch but Mon, Weds Fri is school dinners

AngryBird6122 · 05/11/2023 21:50

I'm thinking how lucky we are! We get four choices a day here and the kids mostly love them.

bellamountain · 05/11/2023 21:52

If her school allows some days packed lunches and other days school dinners, I'd let her have two days a week packed lunch.

waterrat · 05/11/2023 21:52

Dont give in op. She will be fine even if she only eats some of it its free and packed lunches is a hassle and better she gets used to it

You can make sure she has a proper meal at home

Sennelier1 · 05/11/2023 21:59

I would stick with the schoolmeals at least untill christmas. You never know she starts to like them - in wich case you are saved from your little restaurant critic. You can always start packed lunches in the new year, and then make her promiss to eat every crumble of it without complaining. 😉

Normandy144 · 05/11/2023 22:00

Do not relent. School meals are free. My response to the inevitable "so-and-so has a packed lunch" was always that so-and-so's parents must be mad to not take advantage of a free school lunch. I allow a packed lunch on birthdays and school trips only -at our school the canteen "packed lunch" is terrible so I always do a home packed lunch for a school trip. By the time school meals are paid for she'll be old enough to make her own. Don't ask her what lunch was like.

Caterina99 · 05/11/2023 22:02

Don’t think ours are amazing, but they’re free (Scotland, so up to P5) and they do get a few choices. My DD has a baked potato most days, but I’m fine with that. Plus I hate making packed lunches.

I think because we’re not really in a well off area, the vast majority of the kids have the school meals, so it’s just normal for them. In my DS class every child has them. In my DD class, there are a couple of very fussy eaters who have packed lunches. So my kids have never really questioned them and I’m more than happy that I don’t have to worry about making lunches.

BreatheAndFocus · 05/11/2023 22:02

Give her packed lunch. Yes, the school dinners are free but they’re gross and tiny. If there’s one meal she likes, then let her have school dinner on that day, but let her have packed lunch the other days. They don’t have to be complicated. Think about the lack of nutrition in the school dinner and remind yourself the packed lunch you make will be better. More than that, your DD will also get enough calories. My DC actually lost weight on school dinners because he didn’t eat much of them, whereas on packed lunch he put back the weight and seemed happier.

TortolaParadise · 05/11/2023 22:15

No

00100001 · 05/11/2023 22:38

Normandy144 · 05/11/2023 22:00

Do not relent. School meals are free. My response to the inevitable "so-and-so has a packed lunch" was always that so-and-so's parents must be mad to not take advantage of a free school lunch. I allow a packed lunch on birthdays and school trips only -at our school the canteen "packed lunch" is terrible so I always do a home packed lunch for a school trip. By the time school meals are paid for she'll be old enough to make her own. Don't ask her what lunch was like.

Weird that it's fine for her to eat the terrible food provided by the school on a normal day because it's free, but the same company, providing terrible food that is also free, suddenly isn't good enough for a trip?

Normandy144 · 05/11/2023 22:54

To be clear the school meals our school provide aren't terrible. They get 3 or 4 choices a day and lots of variety. I'm happy with the offering. It's just the packed lunch option is pretty boring and they prefer a home made packed lunch given the the choice of the school providing one or me. On a normal school day though the food provided is good and they like it. I don't see the issue here?

raspberrypavlovas · 05/11/2023 23:06

This is so sad OP those school lunches don’t sound very healthy or appealing. I’m your position I’d send a packed lunch.
My dc school has such a lovely menu and ds still asks for packed lunches ! It’s easier to say no when you know what’s on the school menu is healthy.

Packed lunches are a pita though maybe batch cooking some savoury muffins or easy quick things like cous cous salads ?

Findinganewme · 05/11/2023 23:07

She’s very young and needs to be able to get through the day. I would send in the packed lunch, because fed is best. Is she is fed, she will be healthy, less likely to catch so many bugs, will be able to concentrate on her school work in the afternoon, and most of all…be happy. You’ll also be able to see what and how much she’s eaten.

Beepbopadooda · 05/11/2023 23:08

Both of my sons became chronically constipated when they were having regular school dinners

Nothankyou22 · 05/11/2023 23:11

Ours is the same company that provides the local hospital food and when I stayed in there 4 days I lived off cheese sandwiches because the food is crap.
my daughter has the weekly roast dinner and pizza and 3 days packed lunch as much as I hate making them I get why, even the jacket potatoes are crap but nothing is cooked it’s all the heated up pre prepped stuff yet the school my friend works at has a baguette and pasta bar alongside school dinners

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