SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I would and have! But I don't see the relevance unless that's what's on the menu?

Only if covered in chocolate😁

@Hardbackwriter Yep, on the menu.

Are they seasoned?

Well if it really is one of those Insect places then you can just tell SIL - No Thanks!

That would be VERY reasonable!

@LubaLuca Would that make them more appealing to you?!

It's okay to suggest a different restaurant. Why not just have dh respond, 'we'd love to meet up with you for lunch, SIL. We had a look at the menu and we aren't super keen. Shall we try El Queso Mexican Taqueria [insert acceptable restaurant of your choice] this time instead?'

It's a bit awkward to suggest a restaurant with a limited menu. Why should you and DS pay a lot to eat something you won't enjoy? I'd have DH say that it's not food that everyone in his family would like and suggest some alternatives. Either that or he goes out without the two of you. Discussing and compromising on a restaurant is fairly basic stuff and shouldn't cause heartache. It's silly to pay expensive restaurant prices for food you won't like eating!

Pasta itself is a very innocuous thing, like rice or boiled potatoes or couscous, and the flavour of the dish comes from the things added to it. Spaghetti carbonara is absolutely nothing like, eg, lasagne. So either you have such an aversion to pasta that you cannot eat it no matter how it's served or what it's flavoured with, or you don't mind pasta itself but cannot stomach any of the possible sauces it might come with.

You also don't like any pizza. Given that you can order pizzas with whatever toppings you want, and can have 'white' pizza if you don't like tomato or a cheeseless pizza if you don't like cheese, I can only assume that you gag at the notion of [checks notes] some bread. Which is definitely fussy.

I agree with those pp saying OP does sound fussy. I’m a very adventurous and varied eater and I just cannot imagine any menu that I couldn’t navigate to find something I’d like! Perhaps we have different definitions.

You do sound like a fussy eater.
Which is rather tedious but not a moral failing or otherwise unkind. Trying to impose your specific preferences on others for the sake of dominating a situation however would be.

In your case I would therefore own it/be honest about your fussiness and the financial aspect. People might be more understandable in that case (I would be).

I rather like this response:

Nice thought but just looked and it's not our kinda thing and too expensive so let's find somewhere else for Thanksgiving

Can you ring the restaurant and ask if they could do you something plain = an omelette or something ?

She has suggested a restaurant, you say no that restaurant doesn't suit you as you don't fancy the menu and suggest a couple of different options

Don’t tell those suggesting fast food about the wonder that was the Burger King Spicy Beanburger 😆

So now I'm confused.

You don't eat aubergines or certain beans, but they are not even on the menu at this restaurant. But, other things are, and those other things, much like aubergines and certain beans, also make you barf. And the food at this restaurant is seasoned - a basic requirement for many - so it's no good, even though you have, in the past, enjoyed lots of seasoned food, including Thai.

Whatever the actual objection, you're destined not to enjoy this meal, so just bow out gracefully!

If I was SIL, I would be fine if you said you weren't keen on the restaurant and suggested an alternative. What drives me mad with my in-laws is they never seem happy with anywhere we suggest but won't come up with any options and it's exhausting trying to work out what they do want. Events like this have to be a compromise, nothing is ever perfect for everyone but there's no point in a restaurant where two of the group can't eat.

I don't actually think it matters if OP is fussy or not (though it doesn't seem that she is, imo). She's not vetoing restaurant suggestions left and right. This is an unusual restaurant, by the sounds of it, and it's okay to have food you don't like. If SIL wants the whole family together, she can agree to a different restaurant.

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts Did you see my last post giving an example of a menu item?!

What!

Can you tell us some of the other things that are on the menu?

If it's crickets and grasshoppers level weird then YADNBU to ask if a less weird restaurant can be chosen for this family get together.

Somewhere on this list? https://www.lonelyplanet.com/articles/where-you-can-eat-bugs

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!

I am a very unfussy eater, and I would be totally unable to eat an insect. It would be a firm and immediate no from me. If this really is the cuisine, surely you won't be the only family members saying no?

I'm not sure why you posted aubergines as a comparative example to crickets?

Have you been invited onto I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here?

Absolutely don't ask SIL to think of an alternative. OP should do that herself - preferably a few places she'd be happy at, so SIL can navigate any other culinary needs she's juggling.

I assume SIL is a bit of a foodie if she has this specialist place on her list - let me assure you she will definitely have other places she wants to try, it won't be this or nothing. If you're in a location with specialist restaurants there's bound to be one that suits everyone. Just requires proper communication.

I totally get what you mean OP

I'm not a fussy eater either but this happened to me recently at work where a really overly fancy and small menu was planned for a meal.

There was genuinely nothing on the menu I wanted to eat.

I spoke to the person organising it and asked if it was possible to change. And just explained.

They were able to swap for something more mainstream.

If you feel you can raise with SIL you should.

TBh grasshoppers and crickets - she should have checked first

So is it all beans and aubergines or is it grasshoppers??

I’m afraid I don’t believe the new developments about bugs on the menu. OP would have stated that at the start if it were the case. It’s a whole different situation.