Received a strange request in the post

[tmreunion]

I received a letter yesterday in the post to the 'current owner'.

We bought our house 15 years ago from a normal family - mum, dad, teenage daughter and younger son. Been very happy here.

I received a letter which reads -

'Dear current owner,

This is a very odd request and I completely understand and respect if you do not feel comfortable with this and therefore, there is no need to respond if that is the case.

I grew up in, what is now, your home. I experienced a lot of trauma in the home and have been working through this for the last few years. I was wondering if I would be able to come and see the house again, as part of my healing. This was suggested to me by my therapist and I feel it would be beneficial. However, as stated, I understand this is an unusual request and my healing is of no importance to a perfect stranger, so please do not feel pressured to agree to this.

If you were to kindly allow this, I would of course expect to be accompanied round the house and this would take no more than ten minutes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and if you would like to contact me my name is 'name' - 'contact number'. If not, I wish you and your family well.

Best wishes,

Name'

I added the number and it is indeed the teenage daughter who was part of the family we bought the house from. She is now in her 30s. I feel really odd about it and almost distrustful. I also don't like the thought that she experienced trauma in our home, almost like she's trying to taint it.

My husband thinks that although it's odd, she is clearly doing some inner work and why wouldn't we help someone who is in need?

What do you think? WIBU to ignore or should I text and feel it out from there?

I would allow this, you dont need to hear her story while shes there..
but i'd have someone else there just in case shes a weirdo (although her letter comes across as calm and respectful)
I understand where shes coming from btw, and of course her past is not your problem, but it would be a nice thing to do.

The other thing of course, is that although you are able to identify the sender as the daughter of the previous owners, 15 years is a long time and you don't know what current problems have led her into therapy. It seems concerning that a therapist would encourage her to write to a stranger/s and reveal that she is in therapy for childhood issues, just incase.

I would do it. Just make sure your husband is with you and all your valuables are out of site

lockedinflavour

So if she just ignores the letter, in what way is she vulnerable?

How do you know it won't harm OP? That is a really blase and naive assertion. She literally knows nothing about this person, the only commonality is that they lived in the same house. This person might have all sorts of issues which could affect the OP and if anything were to happen while she is there it could potentially cause the OP an enormous amount of emotional and physical stress.

It's also completely unprofessional for a therapist to suggest this - unfair on both her vulnerable patient and on the OP who has involuntarily been drawn into a very serious private trauma treatment. It's really overstepping boundaries in so many ways.

Someone else asked upthread, but if the letter writer was a previous male occupant would people be so willing to "be kind"?

As a therapist she may well be doing some re-living work and this can be really beneficial to do "in vivo", where the trauma happened. I would let her do it.

So what would the do-gooders on this thread do if the woman breaks down emotionally? Insisted on sharing the details, of her abuse? She clearly lacks boundaries if she’s prepared to tell a stranger in a letter that bad things happened to her in the OP’s house.

And what then if she decides she wants to keep coming back? The one time wasn’t enough, just one more time and then one more and so on?

Give an inch and there is every likelihood she’ll take a mile.

'As a therapist' wouldn't you want to contact the owner of the house yourself first, maybe to find out/get a feel for them? To see if they're not going to be a risk to your patient? To see if it's not going to add trauma onto your patient or the home owner?
Do you think it's appropriate for a patient to contact them directly?

Jesus, these 'therapists' on this thread are coming across as weirdos themselves!

Is this going to be one of those posts where the OP never comes back🫠

Maybe to you, but then you havent done the training which i presume they have!
I'm not a therapist btw, but can understand how revisiting a place could give you closure, rather like saying goodbye to someone maybe?

No way. Its not your problem and it's not safe to let a stranger in. You have no idea If the therapist said this, or even if there is a therapist.
Think of yourself and your ow family home.

I would let her visit when you were out and ask to give the therapist the key or ask a friend to be in the house. Person needs to work out some sh”t but you don’t need your home tainted in your head.

You'd give two strangers the key to your house??

@Jellykat I think that's the point isn't it? You presume they have, just because they've posted to say so. So you presume they are telling the truth. But you can say you're anything on MN and it can be completely made up. And the 'trained therapists' on here have made some rather questionable statements.

It may turn out to be beneficial for someone to re visit their trauma site. But it might not. The Op isn't qualified to deal with that and shouldn't have to, she isn't responsible for this girls past trauma and experiences. The 'trained therapists' on here have encouraged the OP to allow this person to come to her home multiple times and justify it with 'You can trust me. I'm a therapist'.

I can see understand the theory behind it though *lockedinflavour', having had counselling myself, which is why to me its not a weird suggestion..

Whether the 'therapist's on here actually are, and havent just read a book.. we will never know i guess!

Yes. Because trauma rape abuse is disabling and I would see a therapist as a colleague due to the nature of my work. If they were not a professional I knew, I’d ask a friend to be there. I would help.

I'm getting red flags OP.
Toss the letter in the bin and carry on as normal. It's your home now, not hers.

This is probably one of the most stupid things I've ever read on MN. Just give these strangers a key to your house, what could go wrong there!

The vitriol on here is mad altogether. There's absolutely no need for it at all like!

I would bin it too

@Gnomegnomegnome you have tried this. So maybe you can advise the OP what to expect if she agrees - will it really take 'no more than ten minutes' ? If it was very painful to do, does that mean OP could have a distressed or angry (she may have 15 years of pent up anger), stranger in her home if she goes ahead?

OP, I think I understand what you meant when you said tainted. By allowing this to go ahead you would be strengthening the connection between your home and whatever took place, that so far has only been alluded to in a letter by a faceless stranger. It brings it all that much closer.

Agree. And if her therapist suggested this - a big IF - they're unprofessional at best. The whole thing sounds extremely dodgy. Even if it's legit, I'd bin the letter.

Precisely! That's where the "tainting" that OP mentioned would come into it, for me.

If I replied it would be with a no. But I think it's better to ignore it.

Never give anyone a key.
They can legally squat