Coaching - not a single thank you

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I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
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I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

Totally understand - I gave up football coaching years ago but my husband does it at a fairly high level and the stress he feels outside of it, I think he’d walk away if he didn’t get a basic thank you. All he wants from them all is that they are enjoying themselves and a thank you… which he does get

*But how would you actually know ?

I know that brownies etc are all run by volunteers but my dil thought they were paid....she just assumed*

The cost of the club is a good indicator - for cubs we charge £2.50 per week. If a parent thought about it, I'm sure it wouldn't take long for them to figure out that there's not enough money there to pay wages for the leaders. Football was generally around £6 per week when my kids were doing it - that included a football strip, a training session each week and a match on Saturdays. No room there for wages.

DH and I both spend several hours volunteering, it can be extremely stressful, there is very little recognition of the time or effort. Like most volunteers, we don't do it for the thanks, I don't think people generally understand that without volunteers so many organisations, sports clubs and other clubs/societies would grind to a halt.

I generally find younger people lack basic manners & are quite selfish in comparison to older people (like middle age to elderly)

I disagree. Lack of basic manners and selfishness is not particularly a trait of younger people - some of the most selfish people I know are older. As a cub leader, I find that most parents are polite, but some of the grandparents can be really grumpy. Some teenagers are the nicest people I know!

There's no real pattern to it, there are polite people and selfish people in all generations.

They are under 16. I was thoughtless at that age and presumed adults did things because they enjoyed them just like I did.

Yep, been there. Things were fine until I actually got verbal abuse from them. I stepped down after that and then they were screwed. I gave so much to be there, including being at the side of the pitch in agony whilst miscarrying my first child, even that day I was given grief by a player who hadn't bothered to tell me she'd be playing that day so suddenly minutes before the match started I had to change the positions to fit her in, all the while I was heavily bleeding. Gave up not long after that. Fuckers, the lot of them.

I've been a guider, so I really appreciate the volunteers who work with my kids. We always took the cadet leaders a crate of beer each after residentials.

I think it depends... do they know you're a volunteer? I am guessing (hoping!) not! Someone (the person at the school you coach for e.g.) needs to say something to the parents along the lines of "and I'm sure we all want to thank OP for volunteering her precious time etc etc".
If I were a parent I'd assume you were being paid.

My daughters go to Beavers/Scouts and I'm always so grateful to them for volunteering... and I mention it to the other parents too as I don't think they know.

Ex teacher.

We very rarely got thank yous from parents when we arrived back at school from residential weeks.

We’d be there unloading bags from the coach’s boot, mixing with pupils. It wasn’t that we were hard to find.

Worked 16 hour days. 5 of them.

Much the same for my adult daughter when shes been on trips.

Not unrelated…… It was interesting to see some of the schools speech day guests and speakers.

Sir Keith Joseph then minister of education. Bit of an oddball in some respects and I wasn’t a fan of his politics but so polite. Spoke to everyone - even the often forgotten caretaker. Spent time talking to Kevin.

Fast forward a few years. John Selwyn Gummer - couldn’t be arsed to speak to anyone other than the head and chair of governors.

People remember manners.

I do a few different voluntary roles and work full time, and have a young family. It can be done. But it does take a toll.

I'm jacking in one of my roles at the end of the term, I haven't got the mental energy or the resilience to deal with self entitled fuckwits who demand this, that, and the other once all the work has been done because they weren't satisfied.

I don't do it for thanks or adulation (that doesn't exist!) but I certainly don't do it for a list of complaints.

Goodness me, they just know how difficult it can be to schedule a lunch with a few friends - never mind organising the coaching that you have! I’d be saying a huge thank you!! The parents seem rude and entitled - let’s hope that the time the girls have spent with you mean that they won’t grow up to be the same!

Oh I feel your pain!!
OH has coached for 10yrs…very little thanks been given over the years but some do. He came away from coaching for a few months when eldest decided to play elsewhere and believe it or not the team he now plays for EVERY single child and parent thanks the coaches after every game. I’ve never seen anything like it but absolutely LOVE that they’re all appreciated. Definitely the right move for eldest. Doesn’t take much guessing that OH now coaches for that team too and it’s been a great move for both of them.
I have no advice as like I say I’ve seen it first hand exactly how these things work.
good on you for showing up on the daily (because we all know it’s not just training and matches you are busy with!) and know you are probably a big influence in those girls lives 🥰

That’s rubbish! I coach, but I do it for the kids mostly, myself a little but if the parents NEVER said thank you? That would really piss me off.
Luckily we have good parents. Helpful and appreciative for the most part.

I'm astounded that society has got to this point of not thanking someone that has hugely benefited their child.

OP I totally feel your pain. I run a club and coach a sport outside of my day job on a voluntary basis 4 nights per week, it is a quite competitive and intensive sport, parents are very aware I am there voluntarily and that I have young kids at home, and that due to the nature of the sport I spend a LOT of time planning and working with their children, preparing for events, competitions etc. I very, very rarely get any thanks but am on the receiving end of so much criticism at times and have actually overheard parents speak when collecting their kids saying I don’t do enough for them, how ridiculous it was and how poorly run because training ran over by 5 minutes tonight etc, I have also had a few parents leave to go to other teams and a lot of two faced behaviour/disloyalty, you wouldn’t believe the massive negative effect this has had on my mental and physical health, all over helping kids doing a sport and I’m not even paid, I do it as I love the sport and working with kids! As a result I ensure I am especially thankful and so kind to my own children’s teachers at school and their coaches/instructors of their various extracurricular activities. Honestly, even a Christmas card means the world to a coach or instructor, it is so very disheartening to spend so much time with others’ children (especially when you have your own sitting at home several nights a week missing you as you are out coaching) and receive absolutely no thanks or acknowledgment. The sport I coach is quite technical and I have devoted hours and £1000s over 25 years to gain very high level qualifications in it, so it especially stings when parents try to tell me how to do my job, which is often!

A huge thank you from me too. People like you give so many children hope, confidence and a sense of fun that school (and sometimes home) simply can’t.

I second the comment about home educated kids being more likely to thank teachers, volunteers etc and I run sessions for HE and school kids, I'm not a HE parent. No idea why that is. They also tend to be the only ones to ask how my week has been etc. It takes me back a bit to hear a 10 year old ask me if I've got any holiday plans but in a really lovely way.

For anyone not sure how you know if it's volunteering it should be fairly obvious. If the total amount paid per session by all parents is less than £60-£100 for around 15-20 kids it's probably run by volunteers.

This.

Lots of very rude entitled parents. I wouldn't bother.

As someone who works with/trains volunteers & is the the mother of a football mad girl who attends weekly training & who also loves Guides - THANK YOU!! I see what’s involved in working as a volunteer with children & know that what you commit to is absolutely heroic. You’re changing lives, you’re inspiring young girls & probably their mum’s too! From the rest of us, THANK YOU for caring & supporting our girls, you’re appreciated.

a sensible reply and one I wholeheartedly agree

It is not young people. Most of my university students thank me when they leave my class! More do than ever now. It's a culture thing- they see one person doing it, they start doing it. I noticed it especially this year perhaps after all that online teaching they are quite happy to be there. I am paid, but I do put in a lot of hours and effort and enthusiasm.

Teacher here 👋 I run a 4 day trip to another part of the UK for 40 children every year (obviously alongside other staff), not once when we have arrived back at the train station and the parents are collecting their children have a received a thank you. Wild wild wild behaviour and feel like I’m numb to it now.

Its like when you volunteer to be on the committee at toddler's or else it'll close down...and parents who cant be arsed moan at you for everything

"Volunteers are not paid, not because they are worthless but because they are priceless. "

A big thank you to you personally from me for making your contribution to society. 👍