Coaching - not a single thank you

[Diorama1]

I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
.
I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

Thank you so much, on behalf of all the girls whose lives you're enhancing and whose physical and psychological health and confidence you are improving. I'm gutted for you that you haven't received the thanks and support you deserve. I say thank you a lot. I said thank you to a bus driver as I got off the other day and he said I was the first person in weeks to thank him. Is this the world where we are all supposed to be kind?

No it doesn't. The OP volunteers for the sake of the young women having access to the sport. That doesn't magically turn them into a door mat or a machine with no feelings. I thank the waiting staff in a restaurant when they serve me and clear my plate - even though they are paid to do this. It is called good manners - which means showing courtesy and respect to others - even more so when they are helping your kids for free. It is so depressing you need this explained to you.

I coach a different sport and I'm the Chair of one club and Secretary of another. It a lot of work. I can relate to a lot of what has allreasy been said by other volunteers on this thread. On the whole I do enjoy it, and most of our members and their parents are nice and polite, but there are times when I really wonder why I bother. I could give plenty of examples of occasions when parents (and it almost always is the parents rather than the children)have been extremely rude.At the moment I have a really lovely bunch of kids and parents but unfortunately it isn't always the case.
Most people have no idea how much work it takes, especially when organising major competitions etc and lots of people think that because they are paying a fee for attending events it means that the organisers are paid. I periodically put info on our social media about where the money goes because I get a bit fed up of people thinking we must be lining our pockets when in fact none of our volunteers even claims the expenses we are entitled to, and we quite often buy stuff out of our own pockets.
Of course it's not entirely altruistic. I get a lot out of it, especially from seeing tge children I coach make progress, and since I retired I'm doing a lot more as it keeps me active and mentally stimulated. I don't expect to be showered with gifts etc, though it's of course nice to get them, but I don't think it is unreasonable to expect to be treated with respect. And saying thank you is basic manners. I expect most of us thank our hairdressers, dentists, opticians etc even though we are paying them, so why not thank the people who are giving their time to benefit our children?

Yes! I gave up organising tennis coaching for my local club after 10 years as it was a totally thankless task. Noone appreciated it, least of all my follow tennis club committee.

Threw in the towel, was a massive relief.

We always give gifts to those who run clubs for the benefit of my kids and my kids also personally thank each person too.

It's a disgrace that people don't thank people that run clubs, often voluntarily.

A member of my family was a Brown Owl for decades. She has recently given it up after parents started treating her as child care and finally one entitled parent tried to sue her.
Their child was dropped off too early, before Brown Owl had arrived. The child then managed to injure themself doing something very stupid, and against the rules and out of bounds. It was the final straw.

That's absolutely terrible!!!! The brass neck of that parent!!!! 😲

Its so funny as we had a conversation about this a couple of days ago. The one thing that freaks many coaches/teachers out when they first provide groups for Home Educated children is that they normally do all say thankyou after the lesson.

Some children who return to school especially secondary school embarrass themselves in the first few days by thanking the teachers.

I'm not saying all HE children do and not all schooled children are rude - but overall there is a noticeable difference in the amount they take for granted in these groups.

That’s really rude. I always make sure I thank those involved and with DS’s football we got the coaches a bottle of whiskey etc for Christmas to say thanks for their time

lots of people dont thank you sadly.
you learn about people.

why is it embarrassing to them to thank teachers for a lesson? I am a teacher, most classes thank me when they leave - it is just good manners

Yanbu - they are all rude.

I always make sure my kids say thank you to people who help them whether they are paid or volunteers. Eg swim teacher, Brownies leader etc.

honestly I think people assume or take the view that either the person is paid and/or they just want to do it. So no need to say thank you. Personally I think that’s rude.

That is disgusting!

I'm not surprised your DH packed it in - I hope he pointed out that while he enjoyed coaching, he didn't enjoy being an unpaid babysitter until she decided to come home and look after her own child.

Some people are beyond shocking.

One even suggested we take it in turns to use our annual leave to run a summer club!

That sounds very reasonable . . . 🤔

Because OP is a coach, not a doormat.

There's a difference.

As my husband says quick to moan but will never offer to do anything! Its thankless being a coach. People dont see whats involved. My husb was on a committee the lady doing Treasurer did years as nobody wanted do it!

That's a lot of work for no gratitude at all. I coach a different sport and the kids (any age between 9 and 18) nearly always say thank you after each session as well.

Some of the replies disagreeing with you OP shows the mentality of some parents.

I wouldn't have know this either.

I think it should be made known that all the people who do it are not paid at all.

This.

I'm so shocked by some of the replies and the examples other coaches/volunteers gave.

As I said, my daughter does a sport to a high level and the club coach is a always thanked profusely (as are all the other assistant coaches). It's very strange not to thank a coach in my book.

It's surely just part of knowing your club? Some are businesses, others are run by volunteers. All the ones my kids have been in have been clearly one or the other.

But how would you actually know ?

I know that brownies etc are all run by volunteers but my dil thought they were paid....she just assumed.

it's extremely rude of them, I think manners in general have fallen by the wayside, even on a simple phone call I've noticed many people don't say even hello/ good morning etc they just start gabbling as soon as you answer and they end the call abruptly when they've said their piece or got what they wanted without warning or saying goodbye and that's friends and family !

My DH coaches the U12 girls and my other daughter also plays and as I see how much time he gives up I really make a fuss of the other teams coaches!

Oh op, that’s really rude. It’s nothing personal. I think society has changed & not for the better.

I generally find younger people lack basic manners & are quite selfish in comparison to older people (like middle age to elderly). I