Coaching - not a single thank you

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I have been coaching for about 5 years now but this year I took on a role as head coach to an U16 girls football group. The season was 18 weeks long, we had about 40 training sessions, 9 matches. We got to a final at the weekend which unfortunately we lost but was still a great achievement
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I did 16 hours coaching training to upskill my coaching qualification. I spent many hours planning training, organizing matches, recruiting new players. We got 7 new players this season, no other team in the club has done this.

Our season is over now and I put up a message on the team chat (for parents) to say well done to the all girls, it was great to coach them etc and not a single response did I get. Not a single thank you for your time.

I gave up 2/3 evenings a week, rushing home from work, no dinner and straight to the pitch. I put in a huge effort to ensure the girls were trained well, were fit, skills improved, confidence build as individuals and as a team.

I understand that people who havent coached before dont understand the level of time commitment it takes but they do see the training and matches.

WTF is wrong is people. I dont coach for thanks as I know you dont get it but seriously AIBU in thinking it is just plain rude and entitled.

. I fail to see how this policy could be non-inclusive

Then you fail to see the difficulties some people face in their lives.

I definitely couldn’t give an hour on a rota- I can’t guarantee when I’ll be well enough, I would have to clear enough time to build up energy and to deal with for PEM. I don’t know when my son will be well enough for me to leave him or when I would have a babysitter available (I can’t just book a random one because of special needs). Someone has to be in the house with my mum at all times so I’d have to not be needed there. 4 separate (chronically ill) people would have to not have a medical appointment or a flair of their illness.

As to another adult, if my wife isn’t at work she is taking her share of all the other responsibilities.

My situation isn’t particularly rare, many disabled people and unpaid carers would have the same difficulty committing to volunteer their time while balancing everything else.

Volunteering doesn’t have to be physically in person. We have a volunteer who is joining us to help with accounts from home. Finding activities and organising trips is another that can be done from home by email/phone.
Some parents have done a one off session for us if they have a skill that was greatly appreciated.
Helping on a trip on a Saturday if you can’t do a weekday.
If it was just one person with exceptional circumstances then that would be manageable.
It’s 30 children getting benefit of cheap activity but not one person volunteering when needed. We only ask for volunteers occasionally no rota.
It’s especially noticeable with the younger age groups. We were within days of having to cancel a large scale activity trip as couldn’t comply with ratios. Local venue on a weekend day. Response to we will have to cancel is oh x will be upset she was looking forward to it.
It didn’t cancel as what invariably happens is we rope in our mums/daughters to help or another leader from another section..who already works ft and already spends hours volunteering.
Volunteering isn’t required for child to get a place. It worked in past as parents seemed to understand it was volunteer run and there would be some chipping in expected as and when. There definitely seems to have been a shift away from this understanding.

I do sometimes wonder if volunteer led activities are not what younger people actually want. They don't seem to like being 'beholden'. I know we all like a bargain but perhaps many younger parents would rather simply pay more and pay for the full cost of their children's activities. Making it clear at the outset that it is a volunteer run activity might help them decide to go elsewhere. Do Scouts and Brownies for example have a sign up contract at the beginning that spells out the voluntary nature of the leaders role?

My mum was a Baloo at Cubs for 5-10 years and her mate was Akela for even longer than that, they also had Carr as well. I helped out occasionally and my cousin did more regularly who was an older Scout. This was in the 1980s/early 90s and I don't remember the parents even being asked to volunteer to help out with anything- could it be that these associations now have fewer regular/permanent volunteers now so parents are asked to do more? At a time when most people probably feel they can offer so much less.

Just that it seems like that with schools as well. I wanted to get more involved than my parents had but at the same time, there was so much more expected of parents than 30 years previously.

Oh, @PosterBoy - you sweet summer child!

Most of them don't care who does it as long as it's cheap and they get the kids off their hands for a couple hours.

Then you'd be one of the parents who would not have attend. If you read my post, you'll see this I’m sure if a parent had a genuine reason why they couldn’t do an hour once a term, then the requirement would be waived

Scout leaders aren't robots. We do have empathy to peoples situations. We do understand that parents have busy, and sometimes very difficult lives. However, most will have another adult (partner, sibling, grandparent, friend) etc that could perhaps help out. And if they genuinely don't, then the scout leaders are hardly going to kick out a child because the parents can't help once a term.

But at the same time, parents who send their children to clubs have to understand that leaders have busy lives too, with their own set of challenges. If enough parents can't help out, then it may be that the number of children attending may have to be cut, or sometimes closed completely.

My gran would say something along the lines: no good deed goes unpunished...

Quite possibly - though I've even been asked to help out at more expensive activities like dancing though - which costs about £40 a week. I was giving out medals and trophies at one competition, it was extremely stressful as I didn't know what the hell I was doing, a dance teacher from another school got quite irritated with me. I just thought "Fuck that for a game of soldiers" after and did nothing after or the absolute bare minimum.

We do say we are volunteers in joining email. We don’t stipulate a volunteer requirement as that would exclude children and it’s not a regular requirement. We run most things no help it’s just on odd occasions when we really need help and it’s tumbleweed (older age group we get loads of offers)
They are definitely wanting the cheap activities. We get a lot of upset messages when we say x won’t get a place as wait list too long.
Volunteers are definitely down in girlguiding. Lots left with pandemic and didn’t bother redoing training (safeguarding & first aid) to return.
We were going to lose two groups in village until a volunteer (who works ft) offered to take one over in addition to the two she already runs.

Were there ratios and safeguarding requirements in the 80's though?

In the 80's we were all climbing pylons & playing in open watercourses so I doubt they gave a shit if there was one leader to 25 kids.

Dunno about schools, but we either have a parent rota or we can't run safely.

I do sometimes wonder if volunteer led activities are not what younger people actually want

Given the long waiting lists for Scouts/Guides, and the number of parents moaning that their child doesn't get to play football every week due to the large numbers in each team squad, I don't think your statement holds much water. Lots of parents want cheap, fun activities for their kids, and volunteer-led activities are the way to go.

This was in the 1980s/early 90s and I don't remember the parents even being asked to volunteer to help out with anything- could it be that these associations now have fewer regular/permanent volunteers now so parents are asked to do more?

Probably a combination of increased demand, fewer leaders/volunteers, tighter ratios.

Yes, it is rude.
But you also need to remember that people are self-obsessed little creatures, who exist in their own little bubbles.
They won't have maliciously not thanked you, but nor will it have crossed their minds to do so. They won't have thought about whether you are getting paid or not. Honestly, they won't have thought about you one way or the other.

If this is a dealbreaker for you, just don't volunteer next season. And if asked why, then say.
What was the reason you decided to do it in the first place? If that reason still exists, and trumps your annoyance over not being thanked, then stay. If the "no recognition" is important, then don't do it again, and feed that back to the organisers (if there are any).

This is why I insist my daughter says thank you to her coach/coaches at the end of every session and every match she does in multiple sports.. and yes she rolls her eyes sometimes “because no one else has to” I try and do the same if I’m there and I catch them at the end. It’s such a small thing but it’s really crappy not to. I’ve been there on the other end and the reality is if no one volunteered it wouldn’t happen and then parents would suddenly find their voices! Good for you OP and thank you for doing it!!

I was pointing out that according to the other poster, a parent volunteering is a prerequisite for their child to be given a place in her group.

I have been involved with 9 different scout troops, none have ever had a requirement for parental help to beca member. Weve asked for help on occasion, but never demanded it.

Wow, that is truly shite. We love our under 13s footie coach. He’s magic and I’m sure you are too. I am sad you aren’t getting any recognition for so much hard work and success. People really are dicks. Xxx

Horrible manners from entitled parents. Did the girls thank you?
We often thank our son’s football coach on the parent WhatsApp, as do other parents. We also give a gift and team thank you card at the end of season. Generally there needs to be a couple of thoughtful, appreciative parents to organise and sort it. Your team must be missing them. I’m sure they do really appreciate you though.

I was pointing out that according to the other poster, a parent volunteering is a prerequisite for their child to be given a place in her group

Yes, I know. I was pointing out that a scout leader is unlikely to hold a parent to this requirement if the parent has genuine reasons for not being able to meet this requirement

Thats awful & I'm so sad to see other similar responses. For my son's football team the whatsapp group is really supportive and parents often thank the coaches and the dad who always does linesman. Terrible that that isnt the norm!

Got to say, in all the years my kids have been at school we have never met a governor, very rarely even see them or had any communication from them so it would never cross my mind to thank them. Im not suggesting they dont work hard or do useful things but they are not at all present. Perhaps your school is different, but we've had 6 schools and its been the same in all of them.

well done you, I would be tempted to resend the message and say, I don’t think it went through when I sent this last week as no one has responded
I honestly thought that after covid, people would come back better, so few people have manners, no table manners, road rage when it’s their fault, entitled attitude, where I live , south east London, people talk like gangsters, men in their 30s in grubby tracksuits, hands down the front, stinking of weed, what’s gone wrong
moan over

So many people don't have manners anymore. They are concerned with themselves and that only. I see it everyday. No one says thanks when you step aside to let them past, hold a door open.

I can't believe not one parent thanked you given the obvious commitment you put into it.

Is it possible they thought you were paid? We sent our son to football for a short period and at the time I hadnt realised it was voluntary as I had to pay for him to attend.

Yup. I work with volunteers and am amazed at their dedication, and try to recognise it.
Thank you.
I think people are so wrapped up in themselves, may be stressed/worried/short of love in their own lives.
Seem counter intuitive, but I'd use this experience if i were you to try and increase my compassion towards others, e.g give conscious time to listening, being generous in small ways etc.

Hopefully that’s true.

Are you a paid coach or doing this as a volunteer?

I ask, because whilst a thank you is common courtesy if someone's done a good job, many will feel that's what you are paid for.