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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried my child will be kidnapped

123 replies

KittyK8765 · 31/10/2023 19:50

Very anxious parent looking for advice.

My ex hasn't had contact with our DD (5) for quite a while now (his choice) but has somehow found out what school she goes to. I have been informed by the school that he has contacted them demanding to be added to the contact list.

I am worried about what his agenda is and concerned that he may go to school at the end of the day and pick DD up. School have said that they would release DD to him as he has provided proof that he is named on the BC.

DD would be confused and unsettled if she saw him as she hasn't seen him in such a long time.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance

OP posts:
windypumpkin · 31/10/2023 21:17

Seek professional legal advice

Nagado · 31/10/2023 21:30

You need proper legal advice as quickly as you can.

Falzarega · 31/10/2023 21:39

Well that sounds scary

The school’s position sounds weird, I know our school has refused to hand kids to their abusive father despite him being on birth cerificate, but the police were involved there.

Ask a lawyer asap.

If the dad is from a different country consider asking their wmbassy, and the Uk passport office, to make a note not to issue a passport to this child. They don’t have to agree though.

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/missing-person/missing-persons/parental-child-abduction/#:~:text=It%20may%20be%20a%20criminal,legal%20custody%20of%20the%20child.

theduchessofspork · 31/10/2023 21:42

I would second talking to a lawyer asap. It might have to be a court decision in the end, but I would think/hope you could get an interim letter from a solicitor for the school stating that your daughter does not know her father and you two do not have a current co-parenting arrangement, so until that is sorted it’s not safe or in her interests.

Dotcheck · 31/10/2023 21:43

Do you actually feel he would?

BluebellTimeInKent · 31/10/2023 21:44

Apply for an urgent prohibited steps order preventing him from collecting her from school.

He may then apply for a child arrangements order asking for contact with her but that would not be automatic given he hasn't seen her for so long.

NeverNotDreaming · 31/10/2023 21:44

Agree with legal advice. There may be a way to legal prevent them releasing her to him,I am not sure. Good luck OP.

Autiebibliophile · 31/10/2023 21:45

I use to own a childcare business. A parent who had limited contact with their child tried to grab the child on the street whilst I was responsible for the child. Mum was on holiday and child was staying with grandparents as he had refused to have child. I rang the police and they came but said basically he has PR so legally they can't stop him. This was inspite of the fact there was an injunction against him which stated he couldn't be within a certain distance of mums house (mum lived a few doors away from me)

NotSuchASmugMarried · 31/10/2023 21:47

Another vote for legal advise. Good luck.

How do you suppose he found out which school she goes to? Does he know where you live.

Original poster
KittyK8765 · 31/10/2023 21:48

Thanks everyone. Where do I start with getting legal advice? Do I literally just search solicitors on Google and contact one?

OP posts:
ISawAStarFall · 31/10/2023 21:48

Do you have any kind of court order preventing him contacting your DD?

I'm a teacher and was told by my head that in cases like this, unless there's an order preventing contact, we have to release the child to the parent.

Obviously I'm not sure this is completely accurate. I'm also interested in the answers on this thread for that reason. I agree you need legal advice ASAP.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 31/10/2023 21:48

I'm pretty sure the school cannot hand over a child just because a man can prove he is the father named on the birth certificate. Surely you would have to change the emergency contacts yourself as the parent? Tell the school asap that this is a major safeguarding issue as he has had no contact for 5 years and that they absolutely cannot hand your DC over to him. As others have said, get legal advice.

Littlefish · 31/10/2023 21:49

If a parent has PR, the school cannot refuse to let the child go with them.

What the school can do is delay by saying 'this is a change to the usual pattern of pick-ups. We will just need to check with the other parent.

jesshomeEd · 31/10/2023 21:51

Falzarega · 31/10/2023 21:39

Well that sounds scary

The school’s position sounds weird, I know our school has refused to hand kids to their abusive father despite him being on birth cerificate, but the police were involved there.

Ask a lawyer asap.

If the dad is from a different country consider asking their wmbassy, and the Uk passport office, to make a note not to issue a passport to this child. They don’t have to agree though.

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/missing-person/missing-persons/parental-child-abduction/#:~:text=It%20may%20be%20a%20criminal,legal%20custody%20of%20the%20child.

The school's position is a legal one, they don't have a choice about it. No one can withhold a child from a parent except a judge making a court order.

nibblessquibbles · 31/10/2023 21:53

If you don't have a lawyer then yes Google family lawyer. Or ask around for some recommendations depending on where you live

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 31/10/2023 21:54

Sunshineismyfavourite · 31/10/2023 21:48

I'm pretty sure the school cannot hand over a child just because a man can prove he is the father named on the birth certificate. Surely you would have to change the emergency contacts yourself as the parent? Tell the school asap that this is a major safeguarding issue as he has had no contact for 5 years and that they absolutely cannot hand your DC over to him. As others have said, get legal advice.

The school cannot legally refuse to hand over a child to her parent unless there is a court order.

Often when there is a contentious situation they’ll stall the handover and contact the resident parent, but they cannot refuse to hand over a child to the father on the OP’s say-so anymore than they could refuse to hand her to the OP on his say-so.

Its not a choice or opinion - it’s a legal position.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 31/10/2023 21:55

I'm pretty sure the school cannot hand over a child just because a man can prove he is the father named on the birth certificate. Surely you would have to change the emergency contacts yourself as the parent

He is as much "the parent" as the DM under the law. What makes you think he's only allowed to be a parent if the mother permits him to be? He has more right to have the child in his custody, legally speaking, than the school does. What basis do you think the child's DM has to pick the child up, legally speaking, other than being named on that same birth certificate?**

Densol57 · 31/10/2023 21:58

You'll have to pay for legal advice. This is not a case that will be eligible for legal aid unless there are previously reported instances of domestic violence and in addition your means qualify you for legal aid.
Contact a firm that specialises in Children Law ( private) If they specialise in public and private child law - the public side needs a specific accreditation, so they should be very experienced and a good choice

Nagado · 31/10/2023 21:59

KittyK8765 · 31/10/2023 21:48

Thanks everyone. Where do I start with getting legal advice? Do I literally just search solicitors on Google and contact one?

You’ll need someone who practices family law. Google search your area and you should also be able to find reviews on each company which might help you choose.

TinySaltLick · 31/10/2023 22:01

KittyK8765 · 31/10/2023 21:48

Thanks everyone. Where do I start with getting legal advice? Do I literally just search solicitors on Google and contact one?

Yes find a couple of solicitors who specialise in child or family law, you can organise a free consultation very quickly where they will outline the options on how they can support and a view of costs. You can speak to a couple and decide how you want to proceed.

Somewhere local has benefits of going to see them in person which might be preferable

BluebellTimeInKent · 31/10/2023 22:10

You can also apply yourself. You'd need a prohibited steps order and you would be exempt from MIAM due to urgency and risk of harm to the child - that includes emotional harm from being collected by a near stranger - and risk of removal from the UK if you think that is a concern.

In an ideal world you'd get a solicitor to do it, but if finances or solicitor availability don't allow, it is possible to do it independently.

https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

How to make arrangements for your children if you divorce or separate, mediation and how to apply for a court order if you cannot agree.

https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

Alopeciabop · 31/10/2023 22:11

Autiebibliophile · 31/10/2023 21:45

I use to own a childcare business. A parent who had limited contact with their child tried to grab the child on the street whilst I was responsible for the child. Mum was on holiday and child was staying with grandparents as he had refused to have child. I rang the police and they came but said basically he has PR so legally they can't stop him. This was inspite of the fact there was an injunction against him which stated he couldn't be within a certain distance of mums house (mum lived a few doors away from me)

what Happened In the end?

Passepartoute · 31/10/2023 22:12

KittyK8765 · 31/10/2023 21:48

Thanks everyone. Where do I start with getting legal advice? Do I literally just search solicitors on Google and contact one?

You need solicitors with expertise in issues concerning children. The Chambers Guide is a good starting point.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 31/10/2023 22:17

Call solicitors local to you and ask if they specialise in family law around children and offer a free consultation (probably 30 minutes) when they could give you an idea of costs. Take with you notes of when DD has had contact with him. Do you share Parental Responsibility and have you had any court involvement?

MariaLuna · 31/10/2023 22:18

^
How do you suppose he found out which school she goes to? Does he know where you live.^

I think he's her father?!

Are people really this stupid?!