Worried my child will be kidnapped

[KittyK8765]

Very anxious parent looking for advice.

My ex hasn't had contact with our DD (5) for quite a while now (his choice) but has somehow found out what school she goes to. I have been informed by the school that he has contacted them demanding to be added to the contact list.

I am worried about what his agenda is and concerned that he may go to school at the end of the day and pick DD up. School have said that they would release DD to him as he has provided proof that he is named on the BC.

DD would be confused and unsettled if she saw him as she hasn't seen him in such a long time.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance

@Alopeciabop he kept child until mum came back off holiday then gave her back. Thing is she asked him to have child in the first place. But he said no as she was going away with new partner. Then he decided to grab her when she was in my care! It was awful actually as he was quite aggressive and I had several young children with me at the time. I also felt incredibly guilty that he had been able to take the child . He did violate the injunction but police let if go as mum wasn't in the country.

OP, Reunite International is a charity that advocates for parents affected by child abduction. They have a legal advice line and good contacts with law firms and chambers. It's a good place to start for practical advice.

I would say you need to see a family solicitor ASAP.
Things may have changed, but when DDs dad tried similar..
We're talking 11, or 12 years ago (she was in reception and she's now in Yr 11)
They already had a copy of the court order that stipulated contact every other Saturday was ordered by the court and they said unless they had something showing an update of the court order that said that he was able to see her outside of those Saturdays they couldn't hand her over, maybe they were even wrong but it was useful and maybe a solution like that could help.

But do speak with a family solicitor and see how they can help.

I was told by Children Services just last week that if I assess there to be harmful risk to a child I can stop a parent picking up even when there is no court order in place yet.

they and the police were requesting that if a parent was on site that we kept the child and called them immediately.

You can absolutely do this yourself, although and unless you can convince a judge that there is a reason that a parent with the exact same legal rights over your child as you do - should not be permitted to pick the child up and have equal access - then you could have a hard job on your hands.

The sort of thing that would be reasonable to state in your application for a prohibitive steps order (google this through the HMCTS. website and they will explain how to do it £235 which is considerably cheaper than a lawyer ) would be ;

Any type of abuse to the child.
Violent
Addictions
Not in the child's best interests.

If you do not have any proof of the first 3 reasons and need to make a 'best interests' case (and you have the money) I would definitely get a lawyer.

If you have any evidence of DV you may be able to make a legal aid application.

Speak to the safeguarding officer at school. If he has parental responsibility then he can collect dc but you can arrange it so they ring you first and won’t hand her over until you are there.

You ideally need a court order

However when my son was refusing to see his dad (after dad did something awful) school were happy to support him in not going with his dad and made it very plain to dad that he would ruin our sons ability to relax and study at school if dad turned it into a place where son worried about dad showing up.

They several times kept son and I in an office while persuading dad to be sensible and sort things through the courts.

I was very grateful they put common sense first.

At that point in time my son was taken to the head teachers office after school every day and I collected him from there, to limit the risk of any contact that would distress him (or indeed any other children)

I wouldn't be sending my child in to school untill I had taken legal advice

Send an email to the school asap and let them know the background and why you think he is a danger to your child. Let them know you are instructing a solicitor.

Contact a solicitor asap.

Make sure you are at the school early for pick up.

Get the solicitor to send a letter/email to the school and let them know they are making an application to the Court. Solicitor will need to send the father a letter informing them of the application so he can get legal advice.

Did you tell school you think he is unsafe/there is a kidnapping risk? If they would still release her after being told that just because his name is on a birth certificate then their safeguarding sounds pretty shocking. Definitely get legal advice.

When did dd last she him? Would she even know who he was? Surely school can't send her out to someone that she doesnt know. Have you been in contact with him to see what his agenda is and ask why he hasn't contacted you about seeing her?

I've no idea legally what you need todo but can imagine how scared you must be, hope you get this sorted ASAP.

Been there. Emergency prohibited steps order is your best best. Mine was issued in under a week. I kept the children off during that time. The school authorised it and agreed with my decision.

Explain the situation and get legal advice. It brings back horrible memories. Eons ago when mine were little their 'dad' physically assaulted me then went on the run. I spoke to one of dc teachers to advise under no circumstances was he to take dd if he turned up and she told me in no uncertain terms that she would let him take her as he's their father. I was so upset I rushed into school to speak to the headteacher. Thankfully they assured me that wouldn't be happening and they would call the police.

I think I would be ‘home educating’ until this is resolved OP.

If a parent has PR, the school cannot refuse to let the child go with them.

Nor would it be “kidnap.” Hence needing to get the legal side sorted out ASAP.

“Just” because his name is on the birth certificate means that legally he is the parent as much as the OP.

They cannot stop someone with PR collecting the child. Just as they cannot stop the OP collecting the child if the father rang and told them not too.

You can’t kidnap your own child from school unless there is a court order preventing you from taking them.

They were right in that situation as you had a court order stating he only had contact every other Saturday. So legally the children were in your care on all weekdays.

With the OP not having anything like that the school don’t have any authority to prevent a father collecting his child (albeit they’ll often stall and call the resident parent if they’re aware of the situation).

All of this is nonsense.

My sister had this (although a more recent ex who did have regular contact but refused to return the child as normal one weekend and kept the child for several weeks and kept them off school at an unknown address). When he finally returned the child, the school said whilst they couldn't stop him taking the child until there was a court order in place, they could delay the child in being released by saying he'd had an accident and was getting changed, to buy some time whilst they contacted mum so she could come down to the school herself.

The OP needs an injunction the school can't refuse to hand a child over without one.

Yes. If we knew the background we sometimes used these delay tactics to allow Mum time to get there.

By law they can't refuse collection from a named parent without a court order or something from police/social services.

Do school have a password that needs to be given for anyone picking DD up? My DD's nursery do and while her dad is on BC he doesn't know the password and while they have said they would legally be allowed to give her to him they would have to call me first and get my permission as he wouldn't know the password. My DD's still small so not sure how long schools have passwords for x

My son’s previous school said that if my ex turned up, they legally would have to release DS, but they could also stall for long enough to call me and for me to get there. Is that an option?