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Original poster

Just screamed at my whole family

119 replies

Sadnotbad · 31/10/2023 08:00

I feel awful. I just told DH that I hated him, our sons and my life. Kids had headphones on so didn't hear luckily but they could see I was upset. DH responded by telling me to "fuck off then" to which I shouted "I will!" And honestly almost got in the car and left but instead went upstairs and had a big cry.

Last night was the worst sleep of my life, everyone in my family contributed to it being awful including the fucking dog.

I went to bed after a row with DH at 9.30. The row was over his continuing moodiness, this time he was moody because the pizza he ordered came with chili's and he didn't enjoy it. Of course I ordered the pizzas and forgot to remove the chillis.

Yesterday was a stressful day, I had to catch a bus to a busy city hospital for an important appointment and I had to take ds2 with me who is not an easy going child. (The irony is the appointment was to pick up a sleep tracking device because I have been sleeping so badly I feel it is really negatively affecting my health)
Then I had to pick DH up from work and we were stuck in traffic from 4pm until 5.45pm with both kids going mad in the back. Then we hadn't defrosted sausages for tea.
After kids were in bed DH was moody about pizza and in the end I decided to just be away from him and get an early night.

Wore my sleep tracker but woke up at 11 when DH came to bed. Then 11.30 the dog woke me up barking at foxes in the garden. Then Ds2 woke up at 1.30am and didn't go back to sleep until 4am, then ds5 woke up at 6 and noisily went to the toilet and woke ds2 up.

I just feel so fucking tired and done. No one shows me an ounce of care and ofc I bend over backwards for everyone every single day to the point now I am feeling ill.

I honestly just feel like running away but ofc I am supposed to prepare a Halloween tea for tonight and take the kids trick or treating.

Pretty sure the sleep tracker barely had chance to track anything last night! Got consultant appointment on Wednesday and I've waited a year for all this.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Getting it out has at least been cathartic.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 31/10/2023 08:05

So he ate the pizza with something on it instead or, just picking them out? And it is all your fault for not picking the chillis off a pizza?

Do you wipe his arse for him as well?

It seems that you are the one running around and doing everything whilst he sits back and gets chillis picked out of his pizza.

Maybe it is time to stop running around like a loon and time to start taking stock.

Mothership4two · 31/10/2023 08:06

You are obviously sleep deprived - it is used as a form of torture for a reason. You aren't going to be performing at your best. Would it be possible to wear earplugs or similar at night? Your DH sounds like an arse. Is he always grumpy or is being tetchy because you are?

Littlelucas · 31/10/2023 08:08

I remember this well!

Dont beat yourself up for having a shout, you're human, you're knackered and your dh was being a dick about the pizza.

I know you'll hate me for saying it but honestly, before you know it your dcs will be older and you'll be enjoying nice long weekend lie ins. It really flies.

Hope you get some sleep tonight x

fluffypotatoes · 31/10/2023 08:10

Book a hotel and get a good night's rest. Be kind to yourself. You reached breaking point - it was bound to come out

BettyBoobles · 31/10/2023 08:11

sleep deprivation is the worst! I'm horrible when I'm tired. Go easy on yourself, you're trying your best x

Hibambinos · 31/10/2023 08:13

fluffypotatoes · 31/10/2023 08:10

Book a hotel and get a good night's rest. Be kind to yourself. You reached breaking point - it was bound to come out

This. Tell dh next weekend you are going to a hotel and getting some sleep - if he can’t be nice to you , you’ll need to remove yourself for a weekend to recover your sanity.

and don’t order him pizza again. He has fingers, dial his own.

Topseyt123 · 31/10/2023 08:13

Why the fuck do you pick chillies off DH's pizza for him? Surely he can do that for himself! Or better still, order one that doesn't have chillies to start with. And he sulks if you don't do this!!?? What a prince!!

Stop doing all of this. Tell him that he is taking the kids trick or treating.

LizzieSiddal · 31/10/2023 08:14

fluffypotatoes · 31/10/2023 08:10

Book a hotel and get a good night's rest. Be kind to yourself. You reached breaking point - it was bound to come out

Totally agree with this. You MUST get a good nights sleep, you owe it to yourself and your family.

When you’ve done that have a serious chat with H and tell him you really are at the end of your tether and need his help and support at the moment. If he doesn’t want to help you then I’d advise a separation, tell him to take the dog with him, at least then you’d only have the kids to sort out.

NeedToChangeName · 31/10/2023 08:21

Sleep deprivation is brutal. Agree with PP advice to try to get a night away eg Premier Inn

Ollifer · 31/10/2023 08:28

You and your DH should be working as a team, it's tough enough as it is coping with exhaustion and kids but he's making your life so much harder and it needs to stop. You need to sit him down today when both calm and without shouting explain exactly how you need him to help you out to stop this happening again. Youve just snapped and it's not surprising with what you're doing

MaryJanesonabreak · 31/10/2023 08:29

Put some of that window screen cling film stuff on the bottom half of the windows so the dog can’t see out. It won’t help if the foxes are being noisy at the bins but it will if he’s barking at them just going about their night missions.

SinnerBoy · 31/10/2023 08:31

Don't feel bad about it, it was a perfectly normal human reaction.

Boozlebammed · 31/10/2023 08:33

So you've got to a point where the hospital are investigating your night waking as it is affecting your sleep so badly and your husband still left 1.30 to 4 to you? Does he help out at night? Your husband needs to grow up and you need to stop infantilizing him. I agree with PPs, a couple of nights in a hotel would do you the world of good.

Boozlebammed · 31/10/2023 08:34

Forgot to add, we all reach breaking point if we're pushed too hard. This was yours, don't feel bad about it.

Disorganisedmess2023 · 31/10/2023 08:35

Your children will have heard this. Even noise cancelling headphones don't cancel out screaming, let alone ordinary headphones. He was a dick but you can't do this in front of your kids.

SeulementUneFois · 31/10/2023 08:36

OP

Your kids need sleep training. DH will do it by inertia if you leave them with him for a few days.

Go to a friend, family for a few days and nights. As many as you can.
Just do it.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/10/2023 08:36

Anyone who doesn't have a moment where they just explode in frustration is frankly not human. Everyone has a breaking point..

Sleep deprivation is awful, but for you I think it's more than this. You clearly feel under appreciated and that the family (and I suspect mainly DH) takes advantage of you. That's a horrible feeling, because you end up feeling like they keep around for what you do and not what you are to them ie a person they love.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 31/10/2023 08:41

It sounds like you need a break, OP. Of course screaming at loved ones isn’t ok but I’m sure you know this already - you’re only human and everyone has a breaking point.

I get the impression that you’ve spoken to DH about how much you’re struggling before and his response has been subpar. This suggestion is totally dependent on your financial circumstances, but if I could I would be booking myself into a nice hotel for two nights and spending my time relaxing. This won’t solve the problems in the long term but at least it will give you the respite it sounds like you need.

OrlandointheWilderness · 31/10/2023 08:41

Be kind to yourself - you are human and obviously at breaking point. This is the point you need your DH to step up - he can surely throw some nibbles on a few plates for Halloween tea. How old are your children? I know we all have this mindset that we need to keep going, but sometimes we need to stop and acknowledge that what we are doing is not healthy. And it's through no fault of your own. Your DH can order his own pizza (and yours) and pick his own chillis off, but possibly he hasn't recognised how bad things are for you and you need to sit down together and have a good chat?

IhaveanewTVnow · 31/10/2023 08:43

As others have said are you in peri menopause?

endofthelinefinally · 31/10/2023 08:57

You have an awful lot going on and I think it is worth unpicking.
DH sounds selfish and self absorbed. Sulking over a pizza is immature and I am getting the feeling that he is not generally a helpful person. Does he see everything domestic and child related as your responsibility? If so, do you think the workload is fair? What would you like him to do that would make life easier?

Does the dog get enough exercise? I agree with PP about making sure dog can't see out of the windows at night. Although IME they can hear and smell cats and foxes before they appear.

Has DS2 always been a bad sleeper? Have you tried things like white noise, for example?

Is there room for you to have your own separate space to sleep? Do the DC sleep together or separately? Is there any scope for a reshuffle? Would DS2 sleep better if you kept him company?
What is the bed time routine like?

These are the things that occur to me.

When you are sleep deprived it is really difficult to see the big picture.

TogetherWeLearn · 31/10/2023 09:19

Do you work as well @Sadnotbad? Is there a window during the day where you can draw the curtains and rest? Does your youngest still have a nap?

It sounds like you were both hangry and tired. Pizza was 2nd option for dinner as sausages hadn’t been got out and I assume it meant that your DH was peeved that you forgot to ask the pizza place to not include chillis rather than him expecting you to pick over his food as others have interpreted it? TBH i remember a friend crying once as her DH brought her the wrong Chinese dish, it is annoying when you are hungry and the food disappoints. These things happen though.

@Sadnotbad do you think it was just a particularly bad day for you both & your relationship is salvageable? Extreme tiredness when parenting young kids is hard. Or do you think your relationship is effectively over and exacerbating everything else?

Mumof3confused · 31/10/2023 09:22

Book next weekend in the premier inn and sleep and watch Netflix. Let him deal with dogs, kids and meals. You will get much needed rest and he might be more grateful for everything you do.

TogetherWeLearn · 31/10/2023 09:25

Is your eldest at school now? If so get the prep for the Halloween tea done now while you are up & about & don’t have both kids with you. Also assume you are not making a feast so try not to overthink things (make them a bigger issue in your mind than they have to be.) Taking the kids trick or treating only needs to take 20mins, put on any old fancy dress or draw ghostly eyes kn them with an eyeliner, knock on 5 neighbours doors with a pumpkin outside. Job done.

Thedm · 31/10/2023 09:26

That just sounds like normal life with kids.
Did you offer to order the pizza and then get his order wrong? Or did he tell you to do it because he couldn’t be bothered ordering himself?
If you offered and then got his wrong, he is actually allowed to be a bit annoyed by it but he shouldn’t have had a massive row with you about it. But it sounds like he also had a stressful time in the car and then a bad dinner so he went moody and you went off upstairs in a mood as well.

Really, you both had a bad evening. You were both moody. Kids wake up. Was he woken up too? Or does he leave it all to you to sort when the kids are up?

This is just normal life, I’m afraid.

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