Just screamed at my whole family

[Sadnotbad]

I feel awful. I just told DH that I hated him, our sons and my life. Kids had headphones on so didn't hear luckily but they could see I was upset. DH responded by telling me to "fuck off then" to which I shouted "I will!" And honestly almost got in the car and left but instead went upstairs and had a big cry.

Last night was the worst sleep of my life, everyone in my family contributed to it being awful including the fucking dog.

I went to bed after a row with DH at 9.30. The row was over his continuing moodiness, this time he was moody because the pizza he ordered came with chili's and he didn't enjoy it. Of course I ordered the pizzas and forgot to remove the chillis.

Yesterday was a stressful day, I had to catch a bus to a busy city hospital for an important appointment and I had to take ds2 with me who is not an easy going child. (The irony is the appointment was to pick up a sleep tracking device because I have been sleeping so badly I feel it is really negatively affecting my health)
Then I had to pick DH up from work and we were stuck in traffic from 4pm until 5.45pm with both kids going mad in the back. Then we hadn't defrosted sausages for tea.
After kids were in bed DH was moody about pizza and in the end I decided to just be away from him and get an early night.

Wore my sleep tracker but woke up at 11 when DH came to bed. Then 11.30 the dog woke me up barking at foxes in the garden. Then Ds2 woke up at 1.30am and didn't go back to sleep until 4am, then ds5 woke up at 6 and noisily went to the toilet and woke ds2 up.

I just feel so fucking tired and done. No one shows me an ounce of care and ofc I bend over backwards for everyone every single day to the point now I am feeling ill.

I honestly just feel like running away but ofc I am supposed to prepare a Halloween tea for tonight and take the kids trick or treating.

Pretty sure the sleep tracker barely had chance to track anything last night! Got consultant appointment on Wednesday and I've waited a year for all this.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Getting it out has at least been cathartic.

Thanks for all these responses. I have read most of them but I have work now so I will come back after and respond. I'm taking a bloody half day after last night.

Oh and yes - forgot to tell the pizza place to take the chillis off.

What is DH doing? Because it sounds like you do everything. All that is just life stuff, an annoying day, but lack of sleep will make everything worse. Why do YOU have to make Halloween tea and take them trick or treating? You're not well, let DH do it.

It sounds like she is a SAHM and he is at works. It’s sort of her job to sort the kid’s dinner if she is the stay at home parent and he is at work. Doesn’t really matter if she is tired.
He should be pulling his weight when he is home, which includes waking up in the nights and cleaning and doing the laundry and cooking at weekends. If he isn’t, then that is an issue. But a weekday early dinner for the kids when he is at work and she isn’t? That’s her job.
I was a single parent with two toddlers, I was tired. Still made dinner. It isn’t that hard.

If you read OPs posts she actually works.

OP you sound like you have anxiety because your husband is a crap partner, the anxiety plus the fact you do everything affects your sleep as you have so much on your mind.

I had one of these nights the other night; if it wasn’t DS waking endlessly (he’s a baby so technically allowed) it was DP grunting and snoring and when they all finally settled down, DD got up

I felt absolutely murderous and short-fused, had no filter on me. The next night I booted DP into the spare room and went to bed at 8pm, felt much better for it despite the baby having a party at 2am.

Have you got a spare room/sofa/place to sleep alone where DH can’t wake you? And earplugs to block out the dog? Can you move beds away from the bathroom wall so nighttime loo visits don’t wake people?

Anyone who doesn’t want specific things on their pizza should take responsibility for placing the pizza order.

I mean I'd be fed up a bit if my pizza turned up with chillis on it if I didn't like chillis. I wouldn't be able to eat it so that would have been binned. What else has he been moody about?

You sound extremely sleep deprived and everything is so much worse without sleep.

Sorry I had a nap!
I do work yes, I do 3 days a week, my DH does 4.
We split child related jobs, night wakings etc 50/50. Last night was my night, hence why I did it all.
The dog wasn't barking out of the window she peeks out of the catflap and barks, which is annoying and unavoidable.
My 2yo is sleep trained and usually he sleeps ok but he is teething all 4 of his last molars at the moment so he is all over the place.

After reading all your updates, it sounds like you're both tired and sleep-deprived and taking it out on each other.

It's hard with young children who don't sleep much and it's very easy to take your sleep-deprivation out on your partner too. I think we've all been there.

That said, your reaction (screaming at him) to him being grumpy over a pizza is unacceptable. If the roles were reversed and someone said their husband had screamed at them for being "moody", there'd be cries of LTB.

I also think he's allowed to be a bit annoyed that you got his pizza order wrong. If DH ordered me a pizza with chilli when I'd asked for it to be left off, I'd be pissed off too.

Why didn't he pick the chillis off?

I personally find that picking chillis off doesn't stop the food tasting spicy, because they'll have been cooked on the pizza meaning the oil etc. spreads across the whole thing.

Which is why DH orders a pizza that doesn't have them on, or would specifically say "can you say no chillies on that one please"

Could you get your "D"H to take the kids to go out tonight? The 2 year old is teething and really too young anyway to be going, so it shouldn't be that big a deal for him.

@SleepingStandingUp which is what ops dh did but she forgot to ask the pizza place her dh dudnt expect her to pick them off.

Umm that's the point - she forgot to ask for the chillis to be left off the pizza. I assume it would have been spicy even if picked off. Not that it excuses him sulking but.

It sounds like everyone is sleep deprived, exhausted and feeling the pressure! Being a mum (assuming you’re the one who does all the house/childcare with or without working also) is a thankless task. It’s easy for the family to forget that they wouldn’t function without mum and sleep deprivation is the worst. Unless there is other reasons that dh is being abit unhelpful, just try and communicate with each other. He might be stressed and feeling his own pressures too but communication can make all the difference. He may not realise you need a break, as often as mums, we carry on coping even when we can’t and it can be seen as we are doing ok!

I agree with a night in a hotel to get some rest ❤️

Lovely that this has devolved into everyone in the thread also arguing about pizza, but it's not about the pizza.

You're both knackered and fucked off with each other as a result. Tiny things become monumental war zones when sleep deprivation is thrown in the mix. You need a break (probably both of you). Is there anyone who can watch the kids for a couple of days so you and he can go to a hotel, eat appropriately chilli-free pizza and sleep for 12 hours solid?

I would say "Could I have a large thin crust X with no chillies please".

Yes, and the OP has said she messed up by forgetting to ask for no chillies. People really are desperate to make everything the husband's fault here. If it was a man who messed up the pizza order posters would be calling it weaponised incompetence.

Unfortunately OP I think your kids probably did hear you. Even noise cancelling headphones don't completely cover screaming so if they had normal headphones then they will have heard every word.

Based on your latest updates, it seems like your husband is pulling his weight with childcare and night wakings so I think you've massively overreacted by screaming at him. It sounds like you are both very much in the same boat.

I think she means she forgot to remove the chilli's when it was ordered. As in forgot to ask the pizza place not to put the chilli on it. Could be wrong though

You’re just being unreasonable @Sadnotbad.

You say you split all childcare and chores 50/50, so he does his share. You alternate night wakings with the kids, so he does his share.
You were both stuck in the traffic that night, you were both a bit stressed about it and then had to order dinner as you hadn’t defrosted stuff. It happens. He is allowed to be annoyed that you got his order wrong, when men do that, they are called incompetent and uncaring etc. He was annoyed, you got annoyed and went off in a huff and then you screamed at him the next day. That’s not OK.

If he really does take on his half of home and kid stuff, and he doesn’t treat you like a skivvy then it really doesn’t sound like he is treating you badly and he didn’t deserve to be screamed at.

Ypu had a bad day. You were tired. It happens. Apologise and move on, but try to learn not to blame him when you are tired and don’t shout at people.

I feel your pain OP. I was so sleep deprived after the traumatic birth of my 1st, I ended up with heart palpitations from tiredness. We were both in the hospital for 2 months and at 1 point I begged them to allow me home for a single night so I could sleep. I think lack of sleep does actually send you bonkers.

Can you book into a premier Inn for some sleep?
Sleep is essential.

If it comes back inconclusive ask for an inpatient study and explain you didn't sleep well.
Is it looking for sleep apnoea?

You gave your H a lift from work.
You were apparently responsible for planning and providing dinner.
You ordered the pizza.
You were up for several hours during the night, parenting.
You are apparently responsible for providing a festive meal tonight and for accompanying the children trick or treating.

Why did your H need a lift from work? Is this something that happens frequently?

Why couldn't your H order the pizza? Why not eat the sausages?

Why are you the parent who was up during the night?

Why are you the parent who is facilitating the celebration of Hallowe'en?

You can't sleep because your moody husband stresses you out and treats you like the help. I bet he sleeps peacefully all night every night.