Just screamed at my whole family

[Sadnotbad]

I feel awful. I just told DH that I hated him, our sons and my life. Kids had headphones on so didn't hear luckily but they could see I was upset. DH responded by telling me to "fuck off then" to which I shouted "I will!" And honestly almost got in the car and left but instead went upstairs and had a big cry.

Last night was the worst sleep of my life, everyone in my family contributed to it being awful including the fucking dog.

I went to bed after a row with DH at 9.30. The row was over his continuing moodiness, this time he was moody because the pizza he ordered came with chili's and he didn't enjoy it. Of course I ordered the pizzas and forgot to remove the chillis.

Yesterday was a stressful day, I had to catch a bus to a busy city hospital for an important appointment and I had to take ds2 with me who is not an easy going child. (The irony is the appointment was to pick up a sleep tracking device because I have been sleeping so badly I feel it is really negatively affecting my health)
Then I had to pick DH up from work and we were stuck in traffic from 4pm until 5.45pm with both kids going mad in the back. Then we hadn't defrosted sausages for tea.
After kids were in bed DH was moody about pizza and in the end I decided to just be away from him and get an early night.

Wore my sleep tracker but woke up at 11 when DH came to bed. Then 11.30 the dog woke me up barking at foxes in the garden. Then Ds2 woke up at 1.30am and didn't go back to sleep until 4am, then ds5 woke up at 6 and noisily went to the toilet and woke ds2 up.

I just feel so fucking tired and done. No one shows me an ounce of care and ofc I bend over backwards for everyone every single day to the point now I am feeling ill.

I honestly just feel like running away but ofc I am supposed to prepare a Halloween tea for tonight and take the kids trick or treating.

Pretty sure the sleep tracker barely had chance to track anything last night! Got consultant appointment on Wednesday and I've waited a year for all this.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Getting it out has at least been cathartic.

As someone who suffers greatly with sleep deprivation I understand u losing urvtemper but it's not acceptable to screech like that. I would definitely nook.into a jotel.gor a couple of nights. I certainly would be trying to reduce my sress at home if possible too. I tried a sleep program that helped me. Go through bad patches every now and then. Will see if I can find it. Good luck OP

I can't believe the voting. If a man had screamed at his wife and kids that he hated them, then it be multiple replies of "LTB!"

The chores are split, she's sleep deprived but it isn't an excuse.

Sorry aboutbtypos.

Here is the programme I mentioned

https://sleepyheadprogram.com/

It really does work

It gives a clear separation between the people who actually don't agree with screaming hate at your spouse and the people who are just anti-men.

Anyone against angry screaming outburts and telling your spouse and kids you hate them would say this is unreasonable. Anyone who actually isn't against that and just hates men votes reasonable. When your view of something being right or wrong changes depending on sex - you don't actually have an issue with the behaviour, just with people of that sex. Lots of double standards.

I havent voted. Yes screaming you hate your spouse is unacceptable but I've been that sleep deprived person and I'm not going to judge anyone - man or woman - who snaps under torture. I dont actually remember screaming at anyone (I recommend getting a cushion and screaming into that) but I do remember the crying bouts when it all got too much.

I know it's not the answer to everything but - how old are you and you could be heading for the menopause? The losing your temper and not sleeping is so familiar to me...

No one is going to condone screaming that you hate everyone but we don't live in a perfect world, stress and sleep deprivation can build until you snap. Male or female is irrelevant, you can't force anyone to cope with something they can't.

I agree with PP that you need to find ways to lighten the load and simplify things until the sleep situation improves and you can cope with more. Don't try to do elaborate events for the kids, basic needs first and then simple activities.

I've lost my cool in the past too, but omg I think it's because people take a 'mile' and I try to let it go. I let several miles go and then I UNLEASH.

If I were you I'd check in to a hotel for a couple of nights. You don't have to be secretive. Say ''I'll be back Friday, not to a mountain of dishes'' and let them deal with the pizza order, restocking fridge, barking dogs.

Some men get in to a habit of blaming their wives for every small thing that could have gone better, and then the kids pick it up and before too long, your family that should be a place of support is the very opposite. It's the place where you're just depleted like a resource, by your own family members who just plunder you and then get mad a you when your tank is empty.

I made a few changes around here recently and got called dramatic by my parents, a sure sign I did the right thing.

I remember a sleep deprived colleague screaming she was going to "fucking kill you all, you noisy shower of bastards" and then she burst into tears.
We hadn't realised how affected no sleep made her, this lass was the type who'd say shucks if she stubbed her toe.

You obviously don't hate your family and you're under one of the worst forms of pressure a person can take.

Do you think that you could sleep somewhere if it was peaceful for a night, even a couple of nights to try getting your body back into a routine?

Do most single mothers usually have a second wage coming in and someone to do 50% of the night waking then? How delightful.

Change what you can to make your life easier, can dh not get home from work on his own etc

Everyone has their breaking point and op reached hers. Berating her doesn’t help.

She needs a break and her husband needs to stop being a moody dickhead.

If a male did this it would be abuse, it needs to be dealt with

Does the husband also get to just check out of home life for several days? He's doing 50% according to the OP so why not? The test of your post just looks like a desperate attempt to lay blame at the man's feet despite the OP having said nothing of the sort.

I don’t see you doing any more than any other parent that has 2 kids . Your husband does 50/50 so he does his bit . Sometimes life does get stressful and we let off steam. But telling your husband you hate him and the Kids is damaging and if your kids ever hear that , you will cause them great anguish . Hopefully your sleep improves if that’s one of the major problems , at least you are getting it checked.

She is the one screaming about hating people but he is the moody dickhead?

Alright then. They are both stressed and irritable but screaming in rage about how much you hate your kids and spouse is pretty much the definition of a moody dickhead.

Well 74% of people who voted on this thread have condoned it. They have said it is reasonable to scream at tell your spouse and children about how much you hate them if you are stressed and sleep deprived.

There is actually a vote - a question about do you condone this or not - and an objective number of people (74%) who feel it is completely reasonable for a man or woman to scream at their husband, wife, or kids about how much they hate them all if they feel overwhelmed. Scary but true that there is so much anger and hate in so many homes and that so many think this is a reasonable response to stress and being overtired. They have voted that yes, it is okay to take your anger out on others in the house if you are upset.

Agree with this post. OP was already knackered, her husband should have offered to order the pizza, but clearly couldn't break from the routine, and then got pissy with the OP because in her exhaustion she forgot to amend the order.
Sometimes it's the smallest of things which can break the camels back.
Hope things get easier for you OP.

Totally disagree with you.

Constant shouting and criticism, wrong whoever does it. An occasional loss of patience when extremely stressed, not great but understandable... whoever does it.

The most irritating posts on MN are when someone calls "double standards" on any interaction that don't agree with. And please don't tell me that I hate all men if I vote "reasonable"! I have male partner who is really kind and thoughtful, and I adore him... I can say without a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn't sulk over a bloody pizza, especially if he could see that I was really tired and upset.

As long as you are fine with a man having an angry outburst and screaming at his wife about how much he hates her and her kids and consider that a reasonable response to feeling stressed then no you don't have a double standard. But if you wouldn't vote the same on a thread about a man - that is the double standard. From the threads I have read on here and the typical pattern of voting - I would say few people would actually vote that it would be reasonable for a man to do so - hence the double standard.

I think that's because most of us live in the real world and know that we aren't saints and sometimes bad things like this do happen.

I also agree that there's little use in berating people who have been pushed beyond a breaking point because unless there is real, practical and useful help available it achieves nothing.

She says they split child-related jobs, night wakings, etc, 50/50. Not that everything is 50/50. She also says she bends over backwards for them all and no one shows her an ounce of care. There’s not actually enough information here to confirm her DH is the prince among men doing his fair share of the mental and physical load some of you are painting him as, and the whole OP opens with his moodiness being a regular occurrence, and around things as minor as having to pick a chilli off a pizza someone else ordered for him after he was driven home from work.

OP’s clearly at the end of her rope, and it might simply be the sleep – on her nights off from the monitor presumably she’s not sleeping for health reasons, whereas on DH’s nights off he does sleep, so at least he’s got every other night: OP wakes up every night. (Also he should be moving heaven and earth not to wake her when he comes to bed.) They both work PT not FT so theoretically there should be more slack in the system, yet it sounds like OP has nothing more to give. I’d be interested in a breakdown of how much DH is actually 50/50, and how much of this is sleep-related.

So why do you think that there isn't a similar response when it is man who has an angry outburst due to stress and he screams at his wife about how much he hates her and the kids? I am not sure I have every seen a thread showing understanding about how that is a completely reaosnable way to act when one is stressed and no one should in any way give him a hard time or criticize that. That if that is how he needs to handle his stress - then it is the real world and we aren't saints and it is a reasonable response and his wife needs to suck it up and find ways to be sure she isn't being moody and she is lowering his stress.

If that is a reasonable response agreed on by 75% of posters why don't we see it in every thread about a parent having angry outbursts in the home when stressed?

Oh I feel this so hard! You're just being very human, sleep deprivation coupled with the relentless pressure of being the Main Parent (not being mean to your DH but mums usually are) can reach serious boiling points.

If it helps - the other day DH bought pizza with something on I'm properly allergic to, thankfully he checked the ingredients before cooking it. He apologised & it was fine, just a mistake & honestly I was just grateful he thought to check. But if he'd done that back in one of my dark periods I'd have lost my shit, I know I would. It would have been the hair & the camel in full force. It's usually something small that does it.

Have a loving chat with your kids in case they did hear (good way to talk about mental health anyway) & explain.

I haven’t read the full thread but I think you need to have a chat with your kids about your outburst OP. You say they were wearing headphones but you don’t really know that they didn’t hear. And like you say they will know that something is wrong.

If they are on edge and unsettled their behaviour will be worse which will in turn make your life harder.

Can family have the kids for a sleepover one night? It can make a world of difference