Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

[Rossannah]

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

I'm another who is curious where on earth you drove to that cost £180 in fuel 😮

Maybe she did include petrol money?

Sounds sensible!

If she replies asking for the £90 back, then just reply:

"The hotel was £416, the petrol was £180, total £596, so your half was £298. You paid me £290, but don't worry about the extra £8. I have also paid you back what I owed for the Subway so we can call it quits x"

I think this could be a friendship I'd be letting go to be honest...

That has to be about an 800 mile round journey for £180?

Dear friend, sorry if you feel I was being cheeky about the subway. If it's cheeky not to offer to pay for things is it not a little cheeky not to offer to pay the full cost of the event plus room (which was £208 so I let you off £8) and a little cheeky not to offer to pay for a share of the petrol to get us there and back, some of which I paid for as you were buying the subway?

Why didn't you just ask if the extra money was for fuel ? No one has to go to a call box nowadays it's easy to ring and speak in person and would clear the matter up straight away, Instead you both have made assumptions that may or may not be true .

She sounds utterly pathetic

Another one here wondering if the overpayment was intentional, and she reacted angrily as she interpreted your message to mean you were still looking for more money. Perhaps she wasn't expecting the petrol to come to so much.

OP doesn’t say where the event was, or where she started from. London to Edinburgh is roughly 400 miles, so £200 for the return journey is quite possible if it was a similar journey.

I’m skeptical she meant the £90 for fuel. If you wanted to pay for fuel you’d surely ask how much it was. And if you were paying for it as a surprise then when OP mentioned payment wasn’t what was agreed you’d mention you were paying extra for fuel surely?

Are you certain that she didnt think you were asking for more money in your first text? Thats how I would have read it

You should have told me I was busy filling up the car with fuel, I'd have got it myself my mistake!

Yes, this. Even the responsibility of having to fill up the car, let alone doing hundreds and hundreds of miles of driving. As a passenger, buying somebody a sandwich is the tiniest token of appreciation for that.

I would pay her back what she overpaid (£90). Your lunch was already likely covered in the total demanded that you rounded down (depending on how much she paid for sweets, I suppose, at petrol station prices).

You can't in conscience keep the amount she overpaid accidentally just because it appears she's been a bit unpleasant over £10. Ring her and talk it out.

But she didn't actually overpay at all. OP assumed that she was going to swerve paying her fair share, including the petrol, and is astounded that she DID actually end up paying her fair share (whether deliberately or not).

I may be unfairly reading between the lines here, but the fact that OP describes the friend as 'stingy' is telling. The amazement has surely come from the friend adding on her share of the petrol, even though she was never asked to do this.

I also think your friend is including petrol money in the £290 she sent you. As a passenger, she would have easily been able to see how much you were filling up each time and could have just added it up to £180 and then divided by 2.

It was maybe a clumsy way of responding, but I'm presuming that it came from a place of open-mouthed astonishment on receiving the full amount that left OP spluttering for how to respond?!

I’m confused, she sent £290 which was for half the hotel and event and half of fuel. I can’t see any indication from the friend saying she sent the wrong amount, unless she said?
You asked her to buy you a sub-way, she bought it for you and was expecting to be paid back for that. I fail to see where the friend has gone wrong!

I also think your friend is including petrol money in the £290 she sent you. As a passenger, she would have easily been able to see how much you were filling up each time and could have just added it up to £180 and then divided by 2.

An awfully large proportion of people - especially if they don't drive themselves - don't fully realise/understand how much fuel costs.

Also, to people with a record of stinginess, it's the very first thing they usually discount the prospect of them paying anything towards. Some CFs are very good at blustering that filling the car with fuel is your responsibility as the driver, as a given, without any acknowledgement of how expensive it is nor that the cost is directly proportional to distance travelled by both/all of you.

Add to this that many people will fill up the day before a big trip, to save time on the day, so the travelling companion isn't there to see that large sum of money being spent upfront.

Yes I think you’ve got it right.
The whole thing is just a complete drama due to miscommunication.
It sounds like your friend thought you was asking for more money from her, that’s why she mentioned about purchasing your Subway and not being paid for it.
Honestly, what a palaver over nothing.

You are actually now financially quits and so I would leave it at that. You have paid her for the sandwich and she has paid you for the weekend plus 50% of the fuel cost.

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me. I would interpret this as she has sent you £200 for the room plus £90 for the fuel (seems reasonable), but thinks that you are asking her for more money on top of that. Try talking to her, and if there is any disagreement then just write her an itemised bill so she can see the exact costs for herself.

Why did you not offer to pay for the Subway and stuff at the petrol station?
That was weird behaviour on your part.
She might be calling you Stingy friend.

Thank god it’s “tomorrow” and I can’t wait for her to realise the mistake! 😂

On first glance of your OP, it could well be that she has sent you extra money for fuel, and when you told her that the amount wasn't as agreed, she thought you were asking for more - which she felt was unreasonable as she had paid you half already - and so pointed out the food difference .

There's nothing in your post that suggests any difference- or that she hadn't intended to pay the extra she did for the petrol .

I'd assume she intended to pay for petrol on top of it.
I doubt she would make a mistake and not have realised by now.

well played 😂 next time since you know what she’s like, make her pay a contribution to petrol. Don’t do any favours for people like that since they wouldn’t for you. If she eventually realises what’s happened just stick to your guns. Don’t refund her

Me and my boyfriend did a few days away recently, I paid accommodation and he paid for all food & expenses.

He said he wondered if I’d paid more than him for the weekend, and did I want any more £ from him. I had to remind him of his petrol costs which more than evened things out! It’s rude for the non-driver, not to take petrol costs into account.

Whichever way the text was intended, it's a great shame - it looks like it's not only cast a shadow over what was obviously a very enjoyable weekend, but may even have destroyed a friendship.