Stingy friend send wrong wrong money

[Rossannah]

I have just been away with a friend for 2 nights. An event plus hotel. Cost for the two altogether was £416. I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event. This was fine.
We went, had a good time. Whilst there, we spent equally. We drank and ate the same. Sometimes paid by round, sometimes separate for eg in a prepay cafe. I don't feel I spent or took any more than my fair share, friend never moaned.
I reckon I spent around £180 in fuel, no mention of this was made, no arrangement for half to be paid by friend and I would have gone alone and spent the same so I was not bothered about paying for fuel myself.
On the way home we stopped at a garage. I filled up the tank, paid at the pump. Friend went in the petrol station and asked if I wanted anything. I gave her an order from subway which was in there, sandwich and drink and some boiled sweets.
We then got on the way. Nice time had by all.
Tonight, she messaged to say she's sent the money she owed. I check and she's put in £290(£90 too much) I reply to say I've got it but it's not what we agreed, confused face, kisses etc ( I did not expect her to pay for petrol) she then goes off on a rant about how she paid for my subway when she went in the petrol station and I didn't offer her any money for it and I was cheeky to expect her to pay for my food. I realised then she had meant to send £190 but has got it wrong.
I wonder how to approach this error given her rudeness and cheekiness over a bloody tenner! Considering I've spent on petrol.
Should I leave it until she realises let her come crawling? Refund her the £100 or £90 as agreed ? No idea. So shocked at her stinginess

I cannot edit the title, I can see the error, haha ironic

I read it like this too!

Me three!

If I were the friend I'd be thinking 'FFS, I've paid my share plus I've paid for half the petrol when I was told I needn't do and I bought her a bloody sandwich and that isn't enough'

Because the OP hasn't actually thanked her for the overpayment, just assumed it was a mistake.

Has anyone got Judge Rinder’s contact details? He’d soon sort this mess out 🤣

To be honest, I think this is the most likely thing too - a miscommunication not a CF on either side!!

Not sure why OP didn't just say when her friend had a rant about the sandwich - No I meant I think you've overpaid me?

Ok so how?

You agreed £200
You paid £290

How does 'you haven't paid what we agreed' (and quick reminder, that's £200) mean 'you haven't paid enough?

Yeah, this.

I don't think you should have paid for all the petrol just because you'd have paid the same if she wasn't there. That's not the point. Why should she get free petrol?

She sounds cheeky. And ungrateful. I'd send her the tenner for the sandwich and leave it at that.

Maybe she thinks you are telling her it was not enough if you said she hasn't paid what was agreed. As she was petty enough to mention the subway I would just leave it now and never go away with her again.

How does 'you haven't paid what we agreed' (and quick reminder, that's £200) mean 'you haven't paid enough?

Because most people in that situation would put, thanks for the payment but you've given me too much (and the the OP didn't put 'and quick reminder that's £200'). If you can't see that, I can't help you.🙄

Totally irrelevant to the post but my DH works 400 miles away, he can't come home often because of the petrol costs. Even 2 weekends a month we can't justify. So depending on where they went £180 isn't bad.

I think ordinarily yes if you take it out of context, the wording of the text would suggest that OP means friend hadn’t paid enough.

But if friend has paid a £100 more than they agreed and they didn’t speak about petrol costs , common sense should tell her this isn’t what OP meant. And that she’s clearly referring to the fact friend paid more than what they agreed .

I don't think they "agreed" on anything. The friend was just told £200 would cover the event and hotel. They hadn't discussed everything else. So when the friend sent the OP money, she sent the £200 plus money for fuel.

So you think

she knew she had paid £90 more than she was asked to

but also thinks 'you haven't paid what we agreed' (which she knows because she knows how much she was asked to pay and chose to add £90) means she needs to pay more again than the more she already paid?

Ok. Well if that's how your brain works I guess that's how it works.

"I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share. She said she would send this weekend, after the event."

She was asked to send £200.

I paid for both on my card and told friend to send £200 for her share.She said she would send this weekend, after the event

That counts as an agreement. They had a clear agreement.

Yes, they hadn’t discussed petrol costs or anything else so why would friend just pay a £100 extra of her own accord with no discussion? It’s clear she’d ask Op how much fuel costs were or how much she wanted for fuel if she wanted to contribute
to that.

she knew she had paid £90 more than she was asked to

but also thinks 'you haven't paid what we agreed' (which she knows because she knows how much she was asked to pay and chose to add £90) means she needs to pay more again than the more she already paid?

Yes and that's why she's pissed off with OP and texted about the Subway. That makes the most sense to me. Plus they'd agreed £200 and £90 is half the fuel. I don't understand why the OP thinks the friend has overpaid by £100, surely it's only £90 which is coincidentally exactly half the price of the fuel.

But my initial point is even if she did deliberately pay more than agreed, she should’ve known that it was not what they agreed hence that was the meaning of OP’s text when she said “this isn’t what we agreed”

a reasonable reply to that would be to say “yeah no worries - I know it’s not what we agreed but I decided to put an extra £90 in to cover petrol. Hope that’s enough. Thanks for driving us through ”

Not to jump on the defensive and accuse OP.

Who complains about a payment not being enough when it’s more than expected. Common sense should’ve told her that isn’t what Op meant.

She was asked to send £200.

Yes she was but maybe she thought that it was only fair to also pay for half of the £180 fuel so decided to send £290.

Yes to cover the hotel and event. Not the travel costs. They didn't agree on the travel costs. The OP never specifically told her that it was a free ride.

If I was the friend in that situation, I wouldn't expect to not contribute to the fuel costs.

I hope either way that op messages to clarify

(oh no, poor dear friend, I meant you had overpaid me but it's so kind of you to include petrol costs and the actual ticket price and of course I don't expect you to cover my subway meal as well, even though I did drive 500 miles , too too kind of you, I have sent you the money for my meal, so sorry I didn't do that earlier)

It's a win-win really as it boxes her in if she had accidentally overpaid and just about covers the cracks if her friend thought she was having a go about not paying enough to cover the petrol

But then why would ops friend see her arse about the phrase 'you didn't pay what we agreed'?

The only agreement here is the £200

@PosterBoy yeah IMO that would be a perfect way to solve things and shut her down in advance. If she really is a CF she may still ask for the money back anyway though. Will be interesting to read OP updates clarifying what the confusion was.

Because the OP sounded like she was complaining. Most people would say "thank you", not launch into something that sounds like a criticism.

Sounds to me like the friendship is pretty much over now anyway because the OP's immediate thought was that their friend had tried to rip them off and accidently overpaid £90 rather than thinking how lovely that the friend has coughed up for fuel as well even though they didn't have to.

Nope, lots of us have came to the same conclusion/assumption so the possibility does make sense.

Why on earth did you send her £10 for subway?! She’s already taken the tenner!

No need for the indirect suggestions on this thread.

Say nothing or tell the truth. ‘ I was going to cover the £180 petrol cost myself but being as your attitude over the subway shows you want to split all costs 50/50, I’m keeping the £90 extra you paid to cover petrol’

Then just never see her again. Because this is one dead friendship.

Ah now we are all mich more Father Ted in my friendship group.