Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

[Blyther]

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

1. The child will not get bullied for their name. They'd be more likely to get bullied if they were named John. 2. Your daughter-in-law may be 'whacky' (in your opinion) but BOTH parents named the baby. 3. Your husband is a twit. 4. Good luck having a relationship with your son if you and your husband can't just get over it.

I mean to be fair all names were made up at some point.

But I understand. My sister once told me the name she was considering for my DN and I could have slapped her for it. Luckily she saw the light.

I also initially didn't like the name she actually did choose because it was too close to home and called her by a nickname, which didn't take unfortunately, but now I call her by her name and can't imagine her as anything else. So likely your husband will end up the same. Hopefully the baby has a name that's conducive to a nickname

It's pretty simple. Either your dh stops pissing your ds and dil off, or they will be reducing contact with you.

Unless the child is really cool and confident and can really carry the name off, he will be teased. Even if he's not teased, some people will just inwardly think WTAF. Your dil sounds volatile and irritating - but your dh has a straightforward choice - toe the line in their presence or get little contact.

This is absolutely my mother’s attitude to all aspects of life.

I suspect It'll be something like Coxon Bear or Dixon Rooster. Poor kid.

Please tell us the name!

But the parents aren't going to change the name now, even if OP's husband refuses to use it.

So what benefit to the child is he offering by refusing to use it?

If your concern is the child, what benefit is there to that child when it comes to the grandfather refusing to use their name?

Yes - I need to know. What if I run into them one day?

If I meet this child as an adult in 25 years time I want to be able to say "Did your grandad ever give in and use your name?"

My friend gave her children awful names, one of the names is actually a joke which makes it even worse, when I was talking about something we’d done with them at work one day one of my colleagues actually said to me how could you be friends with someone who named their kids that?

You just get used to the peculiar names after a while and they begin to sound normal but I do understand not wanting to use particularly awful names out loud!

My dgs has such an "out there" name that even his mum won't use it. I and his half brother call him something else so he's got 3 names
@Dillydollydingdong, surely the mother wouldn't have a problem using it since, presumably, she chose it?

Hmm. A friend of DH is a Mr Cocking. His parents named him John Thomas. Guess what his nickname was
@Jaxhog, I'd clearly make a terrible bully since I'm not creative enough to come up
with the taunt. 🤔

Does he have a middle name? Use it if it's palatable. What benefit by refusing to use the given name? None. Naming is not an arbitrary thing it has great significance. It is not trivial or of no consequence.
Is my concern for the child? 50%. Parents need to know what it feels like to be forced to use a silly name if they have another child. Think first before naming. The child has far more to worry about than the grandad. The future will not be gentle. Personally I would call him by a nickname.

NC as it's outing/in case it's read by the mother I'm talking about.

I know an acquaintance who has two kids: Albert and Ozzy-Rocket. Albert isn't to my taste but the juxtaposition with Ozzy-Rocket is quite bizzare. One's old fashioned and the other is quite hippy-dippy. I just don't get it.

What is wrong with you, just tell your husband to call the grandchild by their chosen name whether you like it or not and also while you are at it stop putting down your daughter in law. Is it any wonder there are so many posts on here asking for advise on horrible parents in laws and especially mother in laws.
You are showing a lack of respect for their child and it is their choice and lots of younger people have children with different names that what was the normal back in the day. You sound horrible to be honest and it would not bother me if my son was with a woman and they named their child sun-moon once they were happy and I would respect their choices. Open your minds and your hearts and it is not all about you. You will probably be on here in a few months asking how do I reconcile with my son and daughter in law and stop blaming the daughter in law.

On reflection Although I can't stand the "I will give my child an absurd name just to be different" attitude surnames can be hillarious too.
I know a couple with the surname Bastard, a genuine surname & as far as I'm aware not unknown in some areas. The laugh is when they meet people & announce their name they see the expressions & Mr B pipes up "It's ok, I come from a long line of Bastards" 🤣

I feel for poor little Dewy Morning. 😥

My DD has a really conventional, classic name (she's never been the only one in her year group with that name), but my mum has consistently refused to call her by it.

Guess who hardly ever sees her granddaughter?

It’s not his child. He doesn’t get to choose the name. It’s really that simple. Even if it’s as shit as Rainbow-Bridge Jones, he’ll have to get on with using it until the child is old enough to want / choose a nickname they like.

I'm going with Button Bear 🐻

The name is Dixie-Moon-Beam, his surname rhymes with beam - like a river.

Thank you for all the comments. Sadly neither my husband or I have mastered saying his full name with a straight face. We will continue to call him ‘baby moonie’ or ‘little one’ until things reach crisis point. I guess then we will have to reassess and think of a new strategy going forward.

Dixie is okay. Not great, but okay!

Yes I think this will be what he ends up as going forward. Go with that.

So you surely call him Dixie? The full thing is a bit of a mouthful.

Handily, OP, @Chattybot gives you an insight into where you might end up with this policy.

You can get over it just like every nursery worker and every teacher he will ever have. Just be a grown up and use it - your brain will adapt to it quickly if you give it a proper chance.

The parents insist on calling him Dixie-Moon-Beam

Oh well, call him that. I suspect over time it will end up being shortened by the child himself. When he's a teenager, because they tend to cut things down, he'll probably just be Dix. I think this is a problem time will solve. Meanwhile, not your baby, so use the name his parents chose.