Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

[Blyther]

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

@Blyther Button Moon?

I love dgs's name but he's often called baby boy, so much so at pre school when Santa visited and called his name he said "I'm baby boy!" He's four now and still baby boy at times but he has his school name and his home name like his mama has her home name of Mama and her work name.
I would warn him that he is risking the relationship between his son and his family and himself so he needs to use the baby's name. As baby's personality emerges chances are he will end up with a pet name that he can use.

Yes. Seeing as I am not NT/neurodiverse.

as for magic pills… not sure where you get that from.

I myself do happen to take medication. But where did I suggest that OP’s husband should? Or talk about “magic” pills…

For the love of God tell your DH to grow up and stop acting like a badly behaved 3 year old.

Use the kids name without smirking and stop making excuses for being a dick. End of.

This is a ridiculous excuse. He’s an adult. I’m sure he can manage. He chooses not to and he has to get over himself.

What type of coercion and humiliation is this baby being subject to? Honestly.

I totally get that there are some names that you just can't get over (I have met a baby Lucifer.... wish I was joking but I'm not) but ultimately your grandson will perceive his granddad not accepting/saying his name as a rejection of him and it is the little boy who will suffer. However bad the name, it is this little boy's identity and you and your husband need to embrace it. Also other commenters are right to point out that there are a lot more 'out there' names today, so it will not inevitably result in bullying.

I reckon it’s something like Peace-Lilly or Peace-dove or peace-lotus.

people assume there will be bullying - I remember similar reactions to names like river and summer.

he is worried it sounds like Piss.

he needs to speak to his therapist about coping mechanisms - ND isn’t an excuse for be rude or bullying a child. Because if he openly laughs at someone’s name repeatedly that is bullying.

if he can’t be around the child then that’s sad for him.

Does your son defer to his wife (rather than facing an argument) because his father is the way he is?

Did he pick a bullying wife because he has a bullying father? Shaming someone is bullying.

Is the child going to experience bullying from his grandfather?

Your husband needs to find a way to call his grandchild his name without shaming the child.

He's only 5 months, I suspect as he grows into the name his gd will get used to it.
Whether the child will or not is another thing.

Sign your OH up to 'This name is a tragedeigh' on FB.

I'm dying to know what the name is now.

This is good advice. You need to practice ‘ smile and nod ‘.

He just needs to say it again and again and again until he can say it.

My friend is a teacher and she had to teach sex education to a class of teenage boys. She practised saying "penis" over and over again until she was utterly unembarass-able.

It totally can be done if your husband wants to. But clearly, neither of you like the name, it doesn't sound like you like her, and you both think he is completely reasonable.

If this woman is as awful as you say, the relationship may not last. But if you want a continuing relationship with your son and grandchild, the only thing you can do at this point is to accept their parenting style (and it is your son's choice too, even if by default) and bend over backwards to support them as a family unit. No good ever comes of grandparents trying to control their children's parenting. Your husband is being an arse.

I think it has a nature vibe to it.

Peace-Pond?

Misnaming someone counts as harassment in the workplace.

Trying to make another person accept a different name is clearly coercive behaviour.

He needs to get over himself and call the baby by its name. It doesn't matter whether your husband likes the name or not - it's not about what he likes.

Interesting that you blame this on your daughter in law who you describe as 'a bit whacky'. Your son chose to marry her and he also agreed to your grandson's name, so I suspect your son is also 'a bit whacky' at heart but just hasn't felt able to express that with you and your husband. And if your husband literally won't use his own grandson's real name because it doesn't meet his requirements, I can see why your son might have felt that way.

Also interesting that you worry your grandson might be bullied, because I think refusing to call someone by their own name is a form of bullying. If your husband carries on with this as your grandson gets older, your grandson may well feel really hurt by that. Your husband needs to get over this before your grandson gets to an age where he notices. Your grandson will be far more likely to feel embarrassed by his name if his own grandparents are sending him the signal that it's not good enough for them.

Hi OP. I'm sure you've posted about this before and have also posted the actual name in another thread. If you are who I think you are then I agree it's ridiculous but there's not much you can do. Your husband is a grown man and it's up to him. At least it will be his relationship with them thats damaged, not yours.

The baby isn't.

The parents are.

You suggested he should "practice" or "if he’s genuinely unable to control himself / keep himself from laughing, he should probably see a medical doctor" so I asked what you think seeing a doctor would do, perhaps a magic pill?

Are you NT or ND - your first statement does not make sense.

Not magic, just ND myself. And that was a reply before seeing that silly grandfather was ND. He needs to learn to suck it up. Like the rest of us do. Poor Darth Moon Unit Felony deserves a grandfather who say their name!

I'm sorry but there's got to be a useable nickname somewhere. You need to strategies with your DH and play the long game. Use the full name then naturally develop a nickname over months. Use the second part of the hyphen if the first doesn't work. Nicknames don't have to be abbreviations... My boy's called something like Joshua (not exact name) and my dad calls him "JoshieJoshoshscone", and sometimes just "Joshscone" or "shoshosh" or "scone". It's cute because I know it comes from love and not for a hatred of his actual name. You need to convince your son that your own nicknames are like this.

Peace-Pond can be Peace which then you go to Pea, and then Sweet Pea.

Shaggy-Bear can be Bear to Lovely Little Bear to Teddy Bear to Teddy.

Jupiter-Starlight can be JuJu Star or LightSaber and so on...

The parents have chosen the name, would your DP be so rude if he met someone non English with a name that sounds rude in this country? There's non English names that in English sound like Fuck, A-Shit, Semen... kind and respectful people get over it very quickly, you'd think for lovely beloved baby grandchildren they'd get over it even faster.

Those are funny

I go with peace river

starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’.

I would tell him that you understand but he needs to suck it up and call him his name.

He can just call him starry or misty.

If it sounds like a rude word then that’s even better because this is what the other kids will call him too.

Oh yeah, are the poster whose son and DIL chose a name that represents their own relationship journey together... If so it wasn't that bad, they'll go by Storm which is a completely normal name for this generation.

Because it’s not his actual first name.

Names are how people identify with themselves and how others identify them. They don’t for instance phone the water board and say “this is Darth’s son/mother/father/whatever”, they say “hello, this is Marijuana Pepsi”.