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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tradesman Asked Me Out

528 replies

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 14:52

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

Tradesman Asked Me Out
OP posts:
Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:16

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:11

Is there not an Andrew Tate forum missing you?

Show quote history

No

that’s your problem - some poor sod asks you out and immediately anyone defending that is Andrew Tate… FFS

You need to have a look at yourself

And for the record I’ve been hit on by more than one women customer which I politely reject. Just grow up.

And while I’m at it, you don’t “leave keys” you hand them back. And that’s because customers are unreliable and disorganised and if you don’t hand them back and something goes wrong like they misunderstood and left their spare one’s somewhere your paying for a locksmith.

bellamountain · 29/10/2023 16:16

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 29/10/2023 16:09

He asked you politely if you'd like to get a coffee sometime.

How else do people meet these days?

I think you're overreacting, op.

I agree although I do understand feeling creeped out if the guy is older / unattractive.

If he was hot, it would be very different.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:16

This is why relations between the sexes has gone to shit.

Perhaps relations have gone to shit because certain men think it's fine to make a move on women who have shown absolutely no romantic/sexual interest in them? I think some men bizarrely think it's always flattering to a woman if they basically tell them that they fancy them whereas in reality, a lot of us would prefer it if they keep their thoughts to themselves.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:16

Do you not understand how entitled this is?
@Creepy23 no I do not understand why asking someone out is entitled but please explain? I've asked people out & been asked out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Queucumber · 29/10/2023 16:17

Blanketpolicy · 29/10/2023 16:13

He didn't NEED to. He just thought you were his type of gal and asked you out. He is not insisting or demanding he is entitled to anything, he just politely asked you a question.

If you met someone at your work you would like to ask them go for a coffee with you how would you ask without appearing "entitled"?

You obviously didn't appreciate or want his polite interest, but he doesn't know that unless he asks the question....

Show quote history

That’s male entitlement. All the OP wanted was someone to do their job. Instead she had someone who only had her contact details and keys for professional reasons using that to come on to her.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:17

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 29/10/2023 16:11

@adriftinadenofvipers - yes, I get your drift. Shinning up to my 7th floor baclony to wreck my plants. Actuually, bit nervous now. Sometimes put my shoes out to air. They could go missing. Christ, what have I done?? 😯

No need to be a smart alec...

SweetBirdsong · 29/10/2023 16:18

YANBU to be pissed off and uncomfortable @Creepy23 as that is your right. But it's not uncommon for young women to be asked out by random men quite regularly. Builders, van drivers, men in the office, men in clubs and pubs etc, men in the gym, and yeah even men who are doing work for you. Even complete strangers...

I had a random man ask me out on the train once! I was about 19 and on the way to Birmingham (from where I lived) to meet a penpal who lived the same distance away from Birmingham as I did.

This man (only about mid 20s,) just kept looking at me - like literally staring - for about half an hour. (He was a few seats away on the opposite side of the carriage and also on an aisle seat like me.) I just kept my nose in my book I was reading and tried not to catch his gaze.

Then he came and sat opposite me, and said 'excuse me, I just wondered, would you go out with me for a drink, I think you're really pretty, I can't stop looking at you.' I said 'sorry I have a boyfriend.' (I did have.) He went really red and walked off saying 'sorry to have bothered you' and went off to a different carriage. He did nothing wrong really, but it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Does seem a little unprofessional to ask a customer out though. YANBU to be a bit annoyed. And you are not a snowflake! All you have to do though, is say 'thanks very much I am flattered, but I'm not looking to date anyone right now. All the best.'

As pps have said, probably a good idea to change the locks. Just in case.......

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 29/10/2023 16:18

Can anyone explain who one polite text is creepy? It's not and it's overreacting to see it as anything else. A simple no thanks is all that needed.

I would had to live in a world where I couldn't just accept things at face value. Not everyone is out to get people and not every man is a predator.

He just asked you out. Politely. Once. Major overreaction to see it as anything else.

Nicknacky · 29/10/2023 16:18

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:16

This is why relations between the sexes has gone to shit.

Perhaps relations have gone to shit because certain men think it's fine to make a move on women who have shown absolutely no romantic/sexual interest in them? I think some men bizarrely think it's always flattering to a woman if they basically tell them that they fancy them whereas in reality, a lot of us would prefer it if they keep their thoughts to themselves.

But if everyone had that strange attitude no one would ever get into a relationship with someone. It’s a normal part of finding out if a potential partner is interested in you.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/10/2023 16:18

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:15

Do you not understand how entitled this is?

Show quote history

I agree with you.

The only reason why he had access to your house, your phone number etc was so he could do his job and then leave.

It isn't about what he wants.

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:19

Queucumber · 29/10/2023 16:13

He tried to see her again and when she ignored him, he asked her out by text.

Is it really so impossible for someone to turn up, do their job and go away?

Show quote history

Not at all. I do, for this very reason, even when over the years more than one customer has propositioned me.

But that’s me. All this poor chump did was ask a girl he liked the look of for a coffee.

Original poster
Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:19

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:16

Do you not understand how entitled this is?
@Creepy23 no I do not understand why asking someone out is entitled but please explain? I've asked people out & been asked out 🤷🏻‍♀️

You said it was ok for him to keep the keys so he'd have an excuse to ask me out in person. That's entitled.

OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 29/10/2023 16:19

This is all very extreme. It was a polite message, you can decline. He asked when the job was done. Subjective clearly if this is permissible or not. But I think the reaction is really very extreme.

SweetBirdsong · 29/10/2023 16:21

Queucumber · 29/10/2023 16:17

That’s male entitlement. All the OP wanted was someone to do their job. Instead she had someone who only had her contact details and keys for professional reasons using that to come on to her.

Show quote history

That is the concerning part isn't it? I am sure this guy is harmless, but most of us women know that some men cannot be trusted, and some men don't take rejection well.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:21

Palmasailor · 29/10/2023 16:16

No

that’s your problem - some poor sod asks you out and immediately anyone defending that is Andrew Tate… FFS

You need to have a look at yourself

And for the record I’ve been hit on by more than one women customer which I politely reject. Just grow up.

And while I’m at it, you don’t “leave keys” you hand them back. And that’s because customers are unreliable and disorganised and if you don’t hand them back and something goes wrong like they misunderstood and left their spare one’s somewhere your paying for a locksmith.

Show quote history

We don't need you to tell us what our problem is, thanks. Men like you are the problem, always have been, and always will be. HTH.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:21

bellamountain · 29/10/2023 16:16

I agree although I do understand feeling creeped out if the guy is older / unattractive.

If he was hot, it would be very different.

Show quote history

So the poor fecker is a creep because he's older and not hotter???

ScroogeMcDuckling · 29/10/2023 16:22

I feel sorry for the poor guy. He doesn’t do it for you, but there is no need to vilify him with extreme, unfounded, libellous accusations

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:22

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 16:21

We don't need you to tell us what our problem is, thanks. Men like you are the problem, always have been, and always will be. HTH.

Show quote history

You are talking out of your backside. Nothing this poster has said justifies your attack on his character.

duchiebun · 29/10/2023 16:23

You said it was ok for him to keep the keys so he'd have an excuse to ask me out in person. That's entitled.

I didn't say whether it was ok or not I simply said maybe he wanted to ask you out in person? Again I thought that was the more likely reason as opposed to being a stalker.

How would you have preferred him to ask you out? I think you are angry he asked you out in the first place. That's your right but asking someone out isn't inherently wrong & doesn't mean he's a crazy psycho.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:23

Can anyone explain who one polite text is creepy?

Because the only reason that he had her number was so that he could do some work for her. He shouldn't have been using that information for any other reason.

WombatChocolate · 29/10/2023 16:23

I think it’s fine. All people are free to ask anyone whatever they like…if they are polite, it is fine. Equally, all people are free to refuse whatever is requested.

Persoanlly, I wouldn’t have blocked him - I think he did nothing wrong. I would have replied with a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message which was worded politely. I would t have expected any further communication and if there had been any, might then have blocked.

However, there is nothing wrong with a man asking a woman on a date. He was polite and not inappropriate. People have to meet someone somewhere…..it might be in a pub or a club or online or via work.

It really isn’t the case that someone can only approach someone else via a dating app. Real life meeting people, asking on dates, saying yes, saying no…it’s all fine still!

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2023 16:24

This thread reminds of the article about guessers vs askers 😂😂😂

Electro79 · 29/10/2023 16:24

Clearly if you don't want to go out with him, just politely decline. If he continues contact then thats another ball game, but you are just being rather extreme IMHO.

Theres lots of talk about professional boundaries and comparisons to Lawyers and Doctors, but we are tradesmen/women, we don't have professional ethics as we are not professionals, we are artisans regulated to technical codes (building regs/electrical regs/gas regs etc..) but not in any other way - thank god!!

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/10/2023 16:24

Creepy23 · 29/10/2023 16:19

You said it was ok for him to keep the keys so he'd have an excuse to ask me out in person. That's entitled.

Show quote history

But he didn't ask you out in person? So if he kept the keys for that purpose, it was pointless?

Maybe handing your keys back just wasn't his priority?

NoNonsenseNelly · 29/10/2023 16:24

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2023 16:23

Can anyone explain who one polite text is creepy?

Because the only reason that he had her number was so that he could do some work for her. He shouldn't have been using that information for any other reason.

So it's unprofessional not creepy.

It's not creepy to ask a single text. I'm sure op is not his true love and he's not going to be gagging for a date. It's a 'she seems nice, I'll give it a go'.