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Original poster

Wedding bouquet toss, only 1 single lady.

156 replies

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:06

Hi all, thoughts, ideas, opinions, welcome. Please!!

I get married abroad at the start of December, small group attending that mostly include family (around 15 adults and 5 children). There is only going to be 1 unmarried lady, so I think doing a traditional bouquet toss would be pointless.
Would I be unreasonable to not do a bouquet toss? Or to just hand my bouquet to the unmarried lady, or shout her name and lob it at her from the other side of the room? 😂 What would you folks see as a reasonable adjustment here?

*Edited to correct that lady isn't single but will be only one unmarried, her partner will be in attendance also.

OP posts:
Ittastesvile · 29/10/2023 16:55

Agree with everyone that the toss isn't really done anymore. I've only seen one toss in the last 20 years. Before that I'd estimate about a third of the weddings I went to did it, and the ones who did tended to be marrying young and had loads of single and unmarried friends.

I didn't do one myself. I gave the bouquet to a friend.

Dixiechickonhols · 29/10/2023 17:00

It’s an American thing I think. I wouldn’t. You might want to press or preserve your flowers or put them on a relative’s grave.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/10/2023 17:06

dorriss · 29/10/2023 16:55

why dont you live in the 21st century?jeez.

Weddings are full of old traditions so this is quite a silly question.

Anewuser · 29/10/2023 17:06

I threw mine at my first wedding, over 30 years ago - and the girl that caught it was the next to marry.

At my second (abroad), I threw it out to sea. I’m sure there will be many people who accuse me of all sorts now.

rcat74 · 29/10/2023 17:08

I’ve always thought it’s a bit embarrassing for all involved I’m sorry and think she would be mortified if you singled her out.

Changingplace · 29/10/2023 17:12

I’m 45 - I’ve been to absolutely tonnes of weddings, as a guest, as a bridesmaid & as a bride and I’ve never seen anyone ever toss a bouquet or even mention thinking about doing it.

I think it’s something that happens in films tbh, I just wouldn’t do it, it’s a bit cringe really in the same league as garters, ugh

trainboundfornowhere · 29/10/2023 17:18

I wouldn’t throw the bouquet. My sister did throw hers but she was one of the first in her group of friends to get married. Neither my sister in law nor I threw our bouquets. I put mine on my father in law’s grave and my sister in law kept hers and pressed it. Your friend may feel a little awkward if you single her out.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/10/2023 17:20

I think my DM got someone to take all my wedding flowers round to an old people's home. We did the same with most of her and DFs funeral flowers too.

TerrysNeapolitan · 29/10/2023 17:27

Please don't walk over to the unmarried lady and hand it to her - I've been that lady - I have absolutely no interest in getting married. Quite happy in long term relationship. Happy for those whom wish to get married even though your weddings cost me a small fortune to attend! When this happened to me it was very uncomfortable. Especially as the bride made a complete B Line for me literally shoving other guests out the way! I politely left the bouquet for her family to take away with them.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/10/2023 17:30

I wouldn't want to spend a fortune on a bouquet only to ruin it by throwing it!

ManyATrueWord · 29/10/2023 17:35

I have never actually seen a bouquet toss an at English wedding. One of those traditions that can die.

CesareBorgia · 29/10/2023 17:38

I gave mine to MIL who used the flowers in her living room - they were still looking nice when we returned from honeymoon.

WeeDove · 29/10/2023 17:39

@twobluechickens yes looking back, it wss others' concern, pity, and social pressures made me accept an abusive relationship because it looked OK from the outside.

BlurredEdges · 29/10/2023 17:43

It would be very funny if you threw it and everyone, including the poor unmarried lady, just stood there and watched it fall.

It's an embarrassing 'tradition' that needs to die.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 17:45

Nevermind31 · 29/10/2023 16:44

She isn’t single. it always annoys me if people think you can only be in a committed relationship if you are married.
She might not want to get married. She might be desperate to get married but he isn’t asking. She might be embarrassed to not be married. He might want to get married but she isn’t keen…
don’t single them out

Show quote history

And I made mistake in stating she was single, hence the post you have quoted which clearly states as much. I don't think of people who aren't married as single, I have been with my partner for almost 15 years and am not married yet, so please don't start making assumptions on what I think.

OP posts:
cordelia16 · 29/10/2023 17:49

The only thing worse than the bouquet toss is the garter toss from the groom. He takes it off his wife's leg and then tosses it to the single guys. The guy who catches the garter then has to put it on the woman who catches the bouquet. Awful, awful tradition in the US.

I'm originally from America, and I can't tell you how many weddings I attended in my 20s and early 30s where I hid during this absolute cringe-fest.

OP, is there a special woman in your life who would appreciate the bouquet? Seems a better option if you're not able to keep it.

mathanxiety · 29/10/2023 17:50

Dixiechickonhols · 29/10/2023 17:00

It’s an American thing I think. I wouldn’t. You might want to press or preserve your flowers or put them on a relative’s grave.

Oh for the love of puppies.

It is not 'an American thing'.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 17:51

TheSquareMile · 29/10/2023 16:40

I wouldn't include the bouquet toss at all, to be honest, it feels a bit dated now.

I occasionally do wedding flowers with a friend who is a professional floral arranger and have never seen a bride throw her bouquet over her shoulder. They often cost quite a bit to make and the brides are very careful with them on the day. One or two ask in advance about having the flowers preserved afterwards, actually.

Re your specific situation, I think that making a point of handing her your bouquet could embarrass her.

This is one wedding tradition you can skip, I reckon.

What kind of flowers have you chosen, by the way?

More than happy to skip and enjoy my bouquet myself, thank you ☺️ we paid for a wedding package and it's white roses that are included with it, I can change them if I want but still to really look into it.

OP posts:
BrimfulOfMash · 29/10/2023 17:54

Do not under any circumstances give or throw the bouquet to your non-married friend, or draw attention in any way at all to her status.

Good grief!

Gwenhwyfar · 29/10/2023 17:55

mathanxiety · 29/10/2023 17:50

Oh for the love of puppies.

It is not 'an American thing'.

Show quote history

No, of course not, people are being a bit silly.

Fifthtimelucky · 29/10/2023 17:56

I agree it's an outdated tradition but I don't think it's particularly American. It was common in the UK in the 1980s when I went to lots of weddings and I threw my bouquet when I married in the early 90s.

It was done just before the bride and groom left. The bride had her back to the crowd and threw it behind her over her shoulder, so wasn't aiming at anyone in particular.

I haven't seen it done recently. No doubt that's partly because these days people aren't (and/or don't want to look) desperate to get married. But also I think because these days there is no ritual about the bride and groom leaving before everyone else.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 17:56

cordelia16 · 29/10/2023 17:49

The only thing worse than the bouquet toss is the garter toss from the groom. He takes it off his wife's leg and then tosses it to the single guys. The guy who catches the garter then has to put it on the woman who catches the bouquet. Awful, awful tradition in the US.

I'm originally from America, and I can't tell you how many weddings I attended in my 20s and early 30s where I hid during this absolute cringe-fest.

OP, is there a special woman in your life who would appreciate the bouquet? Seems a better option if you're not able to keep it.

I didn't know about the garter toss, I never gave a thought to why garters are even worn to be honest 😂 but I would hate to be the poor man or woman involved in the garter being put on after the toss. I think I'll just keep the bouquet myself.

OP posts:
TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 29/10/2023 17:56

Do people do this in real life?

Just do what makes you happy. Only take what traditions make you happy. Dobby do things just because they're expected. 😊

BrimfulOfMash · 29/10/2023 17:58

It would be even more cringeworthy if she is there with her partner/ boyfriend. Totally awkward. No one needs to be put in that position.

If I saw a bouquet being tossed I would just let it fall to the floor. Unless I was there with someone I was due to marry and eve time knew that.

Womencanlift · 29/10/2023 17:59

Do people still do this? I think the last time I saw this happening was at my aunt’s wedding in about 1994