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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding bouquet toss, only 1 single lady.

156 replies

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:06

Hi all, thoughts, ideas, opinions, welcome. Please!!

I get married abroad at the start of December, small group attending that mostly include family (around 15 adults and 5 children). There is only going to be 1 unmarried lady, so I think doing a traditional bouquet toss would be pointless.
Would I be unreasonable to not do a bouquet toss? Or to just hand my bouquet to the unmarried lady, or shout her name and lob it at her from the other side of the room? 😂 What would you folks see as a reasonable adjustment here?

*Edited to correct that lady isn't single but will be only one unmarried, her partner will be in attendance also.

OP posts:
Emptyheadlock · 29/10/2023 15:34

If I were single and knew were were planning this, I'd take a rounders bat 😉

diddl · 29/10/2023 15:35

Breadahead · 29/10/2023 14:10

I'm not sure I've ever been to a wedding with a bouquet toss

I was at one.

We singles were "rounded up", stood looking around & at each other in embarrassment & the next thing the bouquet splattered on the ground in front of us😂

TheGoogleMum · 29/10/2023 15:36

Nobody does the bouquet toss its just for TV I think!

Notmetoo · 29/10/2023 15:37

I think bouquet tosses are quite unusual these days aren't they. I haven't been to a wedding that has had one.

WowOK · 29/10/2023 15:45

I hung mine upside down and dried it. I've been married 10 years and still have it.

Kendodd · 29/10/2023 15:50

When I got married, nearly 30 years ago, everyone (almost) at the wedding competed to catch the bouquet, men, women, children, single, married the lot. I think the best man caught it and gave it to an elderly aunt of mine.

Last wedding I went to was the same, equale oppertunity bouquet catching.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/10/2023 16:07

Mangledrake · 29/10/2023 14:39

I'm sure you know your friend and knew she wanted it but if someone did that to me I throw it back into the crowd if I couldn't deflect / miss it without damaging it.

Show quote history

Yes I did say to her in advance that I would throw it to her if she wanted.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 29/10/2023 16:09

Definitely don’t hand the bouquet to the unmarried lady!!

Just throw it if you want to, guys can catch too, or kids.
The traditions you keep are up to you.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 29/10/2023 16:11

Ps.
I did the bouquet toss but as I wanted to dry mine and keep it my witness gave me hers to throw.
Dont think any of my single friends were rushing to the front to catch it though….my mum caught it and dried it too.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 29/10/2023 16:12

diddl · 29/10/2023 15:35

I was at one.

We singles were "rounded up", stood looking around & at each other in embarrassment & the next thing the bouquet splattered on the ground in front of us😂

Show quote history

Wow. Rounded up!
That sounds awful

tianabiscuit · 29/10/2023 16:14

If it helps, I have never witnessed a bouquet toss at a wedding.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/10/2023 16:16

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 29/10/2023 14:26

Oh my god is this still a thing?

It's a hideous, patronizing ritual implying women are 'lucky' to be chosen to get married and are passive agents. It's also ridiculous as many women are now opting out of marriage. So dragging them into some weird ritual to share your 'luck' is mega cringe..

Just keep your bouquet. FGs

This. Hideous, twee institution, tossing the bouquet. It can get in the bin.

And whatever you do don't single out the one person you know isn't married as if she's some sort of charity case.

Grim.

Ted27 · 29/10/2023 16:20

@Emptyheadlock

My thoughts exactly, particularly as I am likely to be that single person

Or I would be in the bar

SurprisedWithAHorse · 29/10/2023 16:22

diddl · 29/10/2023 15:35

I was at one.

We singles were "rounded up", stood looking around & at each other in embarrassment & the next thing the bouquet splattered on the ground in front of us😂

Show quote history

Classic!

Teenagehorrorbag · 29/10/2023 16:31

I kept mine and put it on my Mum's grave later. I'm sure nobody will think about it or notice if you don't do the toss, I think loads of people don't these days.....

Don't single her out or do anything weird like that.

8misskitty8 · 29/10/2023 16:38

I’m in my 40’s and have been to many weddings over the years and none of them have had the bride throw the bouquet.

TheSquareMile · 29/10/2023 16:40

I wouldn't include the bouquet toss at all, to be honest, it feels a bit dated now.

I occasionally do wedding flowers with a friend who is a professional floral arranger and have never seen a bride throw her bouquet over her shoulder. They often cost quite a bit to make and the brides are very careful with them on the day. One or two ask in advance about having the flowers preserved afterwards, actually.

Re your specific situation, I think that making a point of handing her your bouquet could embarrass her.

This is one wedding tradition you can skip, I reckon.

What kind of flowers have you chosen, by the way?

Nevermind31 · 29/10/2023 16:44

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:11

Sorry I've stated single in my post, bin dea where my head's at. She isn't single, but she will be the only unmarried lady. She will be with her partner at the wedding.

She isn’t single. it always annoys me if people think you can only be in a committed relationship if you are married.
She might not want to get married. She might be desperate to get married but he isn’t asking. She might be embarrassed to not be married. He might want to get married but she isn’t keen…
don’t single them out

mondaytosunday · 29/10/2023 16:44

I didn't do it. No one said anything about it. I would certainly NOT call out the one unmarried person!!!

Niallig32839 · 29/10/2023 16:45

I’ve never been to a wedding with a bouquet toss.

I got married abroad and the hotel provided a vase to keep my flowers nice for the duration of our stay in the room

Maireas · 29/10/2023 16:45

Lyricallie · 29/10/2023 14:11

I’m early 30s so in peak wedding season the last couple of years. None did a toss. I put my bouquet on my grandpas grave which I thought was nice.

That's so lovely.
There's a superstition that you aren't supposed to keep the bridal bouquet, but give it away. I know the royals put theirs on the tomb of the Unknown Warrior.
My sister put hers on our Mum's grave.

LuluBlakey1 · 29/10/2023 16:50

I find the whole idea degrading for women. Keep your bouquet and enjoy the flowers while you are away.

I gave mind to my mum- they were garden flowers from FIL's allotment - and she took them home and enjoyed them.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 29/10/2023 16:53

The bouquet toss happened at a wedding I was at a few years ago, which I caught (had no choice, it was hurtling toward my face at speed!). It was all a bit embarrassing, I was single too, a bit of a cheer from the other guests then a few minutes after everyone returned to what they were doing the bride's mother came and retrieved it back from me! I wasn't bothered as I didn't want to keep the thing but was all a bit cringe and pointless.

EatYourVegetables · 29/10/2023 16:54

Tacky!

dorriss · 29/10/2023 16:55

why dont you live in the 21st century?jeez.