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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding bouquet toss, only 1 single lady.

156 replies

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:06

Hi all, thoughts, ideas, opinions, welcome. Please!!

I get married abroad at the start of December, small group attending that mostly include family (around 15 adults and 5 children). There is only going to be 1 unmarried lady, so I think doing a traditional bouquet toss would be pointless.
Would I be unreasonable to not do a bouquet toss? Or to just hand my bouquet to the unmarried lady, or shout her name and lob it at her from the other side of the room? 😂 What would you folks see as a reasonable adjustment here?

*Edited to correct that lady isn't single but will be only one unmarried, her partner will be in attendance also.

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 29/10/2023 14:19

I didn’t toss my bouquet, I took it to my grandfathers grave and all the floral
arrnagements from the day were offered to guests to take home to enjoy. Don’t do one if it doesn’t work for you

DappledThings · 29/10/2023 14:20

I've been to about 20 weddings, only seen one bouquet toss. I really don't think it's a thing anymore. Thank goodness.

faithinagape · 29/10/2023 14:21

I didn't do one at my wedding, I forgot 😂

Took them home and popped em in a vase. They looked lovely for a week

Mangledrake · 29/10/2023 14:21

LisaD1 · 29/10/2023 14:19

I didn’t toss my bouquet, I took it to my grandfathers grave and all the floral
arrnagements from the day were offered to guests to take home to enjoy. Don’t do one if it doesn’t work for you

Lovely idea

KimberleyClark · 29/10/2023 14:22

My bouquet was going on my father’s grave so I wasn’t going to toss it to anyone. I think it’s an outdated and sexist tradition, we don’t think of single women as other and marriage as the holy grail anymore, do we?

Breadahead · 29/10/2023 14:22

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:15

I would rather have put my bouquet on my gran and grandad grave, but I doubt it will make it home with me over a week after the wedding, plus the 10 hour flight won't be great for them either lol.
Glad to hear the bouquet toss isn't a must then, the DJ had a list of songs I was to pick and bouquet toss was on it which started to make me feel anxious 😂

Can guarantee this DJ is going to have you all on the floor doing oops up side your head 🤣

Sugarfish · 29/10/2023 14:25

I just wouldn’t bother. I’m not married and don’t plan on it. I have been with my partner for over 10 years though. I could be this one unmarried woman at a wedding. I’d be a bit wtf if the bride gave me the bouquet, especially if she was a friend who knew I had no interest in marriage.

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/10/2023 14:26

I tossed mine as there were lots of unmarried Women there and they were up for it, I wouldn't have otherwise.

The person who caught it is my oldest and dearest friends' girlfriend and if he'd have got on one knee then and there on the dance floor I'd have been delighted!! He did come straight over and give her a kiss though so I have hope Wink

We went on Honeymoon the next day so I told her to keep it, given it has survived being thrown and caught pretty well.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 29/10/2023 14:26

Oh my god is this still a thing?

It's a hideous, patronizing ritual implying women are 'lucky' to be chosen to get married and are passive agents. It's also ridiculous as many women are now opting out of marriage. So dragging them into some weird ritual to share your 'luck' is mega cringe..

Just keep your bouquet. FGs

Kittenkitty · 29/10/2023 14:26

I think it’s a very American tradition, very rare at British weddings.

I agree with everyone who’s said don’t do it. It’s pointless and cringey.
Also just as a heads up I’ve seen some proposal videos online where the bride hands the bouquet directly to someone and when she turns round the man is down on bended knee. So I REALLY wouldn’t hand it to someone. Imagine if she thought it was part of a proposal.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/10/2023 14:26

I tossed mine to my one single friend, called her name and lobbed it over, she caught it.

RampantIvy · 29/10/2023 14:27

I kept mine.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 14:28

Do people still do this? I've never seen a bouquet toss at any wedding I've been to!

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 29/10/2023 14:28

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/10/2023 14:26

I tossed mine as there were lots of unmarried Women there and they were up for it, I wouldn't have otherwise.

The person who caught it is my oldest and dearest friends' girlfriend and if he'd have got on one knee then and there on the dance floor I'd have been delighted!! He did come straight over and give her a kiss though so I have hope Wink

We went on Honeymoon the next day so I told her to keep it, given it has survived being thrown and caught pretty well.

Or she could have asked him.

Honestly. Bloody mumsnet is in the 1800s sometimes

Icepop79 · 29/10/2023 14:30

My sister-in-law was desperate to do a bouquet toss at her wedding to
my brother, knowing I was the only single person there. She made a whole big thing about it, making sure everyone knew she would be throwing it for me to catch. It was utterly humiliating and I’ve never forgiven her for embarrassing me in front of so many people.

LeonBlack · 29/10/2023 14:31

In all of the thousands (it just feels like that amount) of weddings I have been to, I’ve never once seen a bouquet toss. Seems naff to me and certainly not a thing people expect.

Findyourneutralspace · 29/10/2023 14:32

Don’t shout her name out an lob it!! Marriage may be a bone of contention in their relationship (hopefully not, but there’s too much scope for embarrassment).

Just don’t toss the bouquet. I loved my wedding bouquet too much to part with it!

TheFlis · 29/10/2023 14:33

I have been to tons of weddings and the only one I have ever seen with a bouquet toss was in the USA, I have never seen one in the UK.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/10/2023 14:34

This isn’t really a tradition I could get on board with. My flowers were paper and beautiful so no way I was giving them away. We didn’t do a garter toss either (I wasn’t wearing one for starters).

caringcarer · 29/10/2023 14:36

YaWeeFurryBastard · 29/10/2023 14:13

Please do not hand the bouquet to the only unmarried woman there! You might really upset her.

And her bf will be put under pressure too. I put my bouquet on my Dad's grave. I threw the MoH bouquet with her agreement. I had lots of unmarried guests though.

rainbowlou · 29/10/2023 14:36

This thread has made me realise I’ve never seen this happen at a wedding.
Most brides either kept it or put it on a loved ones grave (I also did this) and one gave it to her mum.
I’d be so embarrassed if a bride ensured I got the bouquet as I was the only unmarried guest 🙈

Mariposista · 29/10/2023 14:36

My mum is a florist and it breaks her heart to see her hard work chucked around while a bunch of women shriek like idiots.
If you don’t want to keep it, please just subtly give it to someone. I gave my bridesmaid one to the best man’s wife who Was due her baby the following week. And I will be putting my own on my gran’s grave.

FionaChapman · 29/10/2023 14:37

At a friends wedding all the ladies got involved, married or not, it was just for the photo op really. I didn’t realise people only have unmarried women for the bouquet toss!!

mathanxiety · 29/10/2023 14:37

I did one at mine. All the single ladies ran away screaming and the little flower girl caught it.

Mangledrake · 29/10/2023 14:39

SirVixofVixHall · 29/10/2023 14:26

I tossed mine to my one single friend, called her name and lobbed it over, she caught it.

I'm sure you know your friend and knew she wanted it but if someone did that to me I throw it back into the crowd if I couldn't deflect / miss it without damaging it.

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