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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding bouquet toss, only 1 single lady.

156 replies

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:06

Hi all, thoughts, ideas, opinions, welcome. Please!!

I get married abroad at the start of December, small group attending that mostly include family (around 15 adults and 5 children). There is only going to be 1 unmarried lady, so I think doing a traditional bouquet toss would be pointless.
Would I be unreasonable to not do a bouquet toss? Or to just hand my bouquet to the unmarried lady, or shout her name and lob it at her from the other side of the room? 😂 What would you folks see as a reasonable adjustment here?

*Edited to correct that lady isn't single but will be only one unmarried, her partner will be in attendance also.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 29/10/2023 15:11

I’ve not seen a bouquet toss since 1986.

Plus, what is the ‘lucky’ recipient then meant to do with it?

If you don’t intend on bringing it back, I’d give it to someone who is maybe helping arrange your wedding locally? If the DJ is ‘local’, he may not realise that tossing isn’t really the thing it once was.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 29/10/2023 15:12

Also I think I might have hit a child in the face or caused a massive screaming match between kids who didn't get this apparent prize. I can imagine many little girls being upset seeing this item was available and they didn't get it.

Rewis · 29/10/2023 15:14

A lot of people don't like the bouquet toss and there is no need to have one if you don't want to. I'm not a big fan of them. Being in mid 30's and unmarried and then people pushing you to go for it and looking for you. Not particularly fun. I'm not offended and I'm a good sport. And every wedding I've been there has been one.

Some variations have been keeping it to yourself (a lot of brides have separate bouquet for the toss and for herself), give it to the couple who has been married the longest, give it to the couple who is the newest couple, oldest person/youngest person/grandparent etc.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 29/10/2023 15:15

Plus, what is the ‘lucky’ recipient then meant to do with it?

Stick it in a vase and enjoy it until it wilts, I guess.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 29/10/2023 15:16

I dont think you should do it, but I am laughing at the idea of you suddenly calling our her name and lobbing it at her!

Daffidale · 29/10/2023 15:17

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:15

I would rather have put my bouquet on my gran and grandad grave, but I doubt it will make it home with me over a week after the wedding, plus the 10 hour flight won't be great for them either lol.
Glad to hear the bouquet toss isn't a must then, the DJ had a list of songs I was to pick and bouquet toss was on it which started to make me feel anxious 😂

This sounds like a lovely thing to do with your bouquet. Try wrapping it in plenty of soaked kitchen roll or putting it in water. It will undoubtedly be fading after 10 days but even then I think taking it to their grave is a lovely way to include them in your big day

FarmGirl78 · 29/10/2023 15:19

SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 14:11

Sorry I've stated single in my post, bin dea where my head's at. She isn't single, but she will be the only unmarried lady. She will be with her partner at the wedding.

No no PLEASE do not hand it her. I've been in her shoes at so many weddings, and I'd have burst into tears and felt mortified.

Weddings can provoke funny feelings in some people. She might have been pushing her parter to propose and hinting all day, and he might be getting cheesed off with it all. He might have bought a ring and be very insecure and keep putting it off. She might keep refusing him because she's not sure if he's the one. Drawing attention to anyone else's relationship status is just a rude thing to do when you think about it.

Don't even toss is, that's just so clichéd. Have it dried and keep it. I vote or it on your Grandparents grave. Don't worry, about what state is in after a week, that doesn't matter, it's such a lovely tribute. Anything but give it to one unmarried girl. Please.

HouseofGods · 29/10/2023 15:19

I've never been to a wedding with a bouquet toss. I gave mine to my gran and my sister was the only bridesmaid so we gave her bouquet to DH's gran.

Wellhellooooodear · 29/10/2023 15:20

I've actually never seen a bouquet toss in real life. I put mine on my Nan's grave.

BalloonSalesperson · 29/10/2023 15:21

I've been to several younger relatives weddings in recent times and not one has tossed the bouquet. Over my lifetime I've been to dozens of weddings and still never seen the bouquet tossed. I didn't do it, my dd didn't. I think it would be unusual if you did, OP.

WeighDownOnMe · 29/10/2023 15:21

I never did it, is it still a thing? Not sure I've been at a wedding where it has happened.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 29/10/2023 15:22

Atethehalloweenchocs · 29/10/2023 15:16

I dont think you should do it, but I am laughing at the idea of you suddenly calling our her name and lobbing it at her!

Glad someone else has a sense of humour 😂

OP posts:
maryberryslayers · 29/10/2023 15:23

Given you aren't in an American movie, you don't have any need to toss your bouquet to anyone.

Screamingabdabz · 29/10/2023 15:24

It’s only a thing in 90s American comedy films isn’t it? Don’t feel any pressure whatsoever to do it - it’s naff and I doubt ‘singletons’ want that either.

WeeDove · 29/10/2023 15:25

Wow that sounds so outdated and embarrassing.

I'd avoid this if I were you. I've not been to that many weddings but I can't remember this. Maybe I was at the bar!

Sunbird24 · 29/10/2023 15:26

Don’t do the toss if you don’t want to, just tell the DJ you don’t need a song for it. If you want to keep your bouquet as a memento but don’t think it will survive, could you press individual flowers and leaves to tuck into your wedding album in various places, or get framed?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 29/10/2023 15:28

If you rig the toss to favour your single friend, you are putting pressure on her partner to propose when their relationship might not be ready for that step.

You could ask your friend how she feels about having the bridal bouquet thrown at her.

Philandbill · 29/10/2023 15:28

MargotBamborough · 29/10/2023 15:06

Don't do it. I didn't even though there were quite a few single women at my wedding.

This. It's a horrible thing to do, when I was single I hated it at weddings I went to. At my wedding over twenty years ago I gave my flowers to my (married) godmother to take home and enjoy. She was touched and pleased by that.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 29/10/2023 15:28

I gave mine to my grandma to celebrate a long marriage with my grandad. If you don’t want to have it pressed or don’t want to give it to a guest to celebrate something other than being unmarried, give it to one of the hotel/restaurant staff to take home. Someone might as well enjoy it.

Caspianberg · 29/10/2023 15:28

I kept mine. Sent it off to a lady that dried and pressed the flowers over a few months and then she made artwork out of it, and sent it back framed.

Dorkyduck · 29/10/2023 15:29

I wouldn't bother, I didn't toss mine. And although she isn't single what if her partner doesn't want to pop the question. (Assuming she isn't already engaged). I think it could be a bit awkward and embarrassing for her.

Caspianberg · 29/10/2023 15:30

Meant to say if you find someone that dries and makes arkwork in advance, you don’t need to wait overseas with flowers, just send them back. I wrapped in wet newspaper etc as she instructed and posted it 2 days later. To a different country also where she was and it arrived fine 2 days later

clary · 29/10/2023 15:32

Wow do people really do this?

I wouldn't worry about this at all @SpringHexagon . Deffo do not give it to her or shout her name and throw it - it almost forces her partner into proposing! Why should he - she may not want to get married. It could be very upsetting if you give it to her - "oh look, you're not married and you should be!"

Very dated custom IMHO. I didn't throw my flowers (and I got wed 25 years ago) as I couldn;t raise my arms above my head in my dress and the bouquet was so huge it could have knocked someone out!

JudgeJ · 29/10/2023 15:33

EveryOtherNameTaken · 29/10/2023 14:11

Get it pressed.

Or I think you can get it dried so it retains the shape and just looks like a bunch of artificial flowers.

twobluechickens · 29/10/2023 15:33

I was frequently the only (long term and unhappy about it) singleton at friends' weddings over the years, and once a friend made a point of throwing the bouquet for me, the only single woman there. It made me feel even more of a misfit/undateable than I already did but I smiled and thanked her. Still single now, but with an abusive relationship under my belt because I was so desperate to fit in and not be alone.

If you value her friendship, don't do it.

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