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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH going away for few days

477 replies

Biancagreenly · 29/10/2023 02:02

A bit of AIBU and WWYD.

I’ll start by saying this is not a LTB situation. I have a very healthy and great relationship with my DH, he is an amazing dad and very involved and hands on.

Now the issue: we have an 11 month old son, DH is on paternity leave and has been for the past 6 months. DS is normally a lovely baby to look after, sleeps well at night, but like any other baby he can have bad days and it’s hard work.

DH is going away for 3 nights 4 days for a stag. I’m feeling very anxious about this as it would be just me and DS and an extremely needy puppy. We don’t have any family or friends to come help and provide a bit of help even for couple of hours.

Even though DH is on leave, every month he has to go away for two days as part of his contract (unusual situation I won’t get into). Last time he did this, my mum came to help, but this time this is not possible. He will be going away again in couple weeks time. Work is different from a stag do so I have more understanding him going to work rather than to have fun. My work allows me to be flexible and wfh but I would still need to stop working and re arrange any work commitments, use some of my holiday and / or make up for time another days.

Would it be unreasonable to ask him to cancel his stag do trip? Part of me doesn’t want to as I do want him to go have fun but the other part of me feels like this probably isn’t the best time for these type of trips. I will obviously talk to him about it but I just wanted to get a sense check. WWYD?

OP posts:
Blueblell · 29/10/2023 08:46

Kindly, I would say you need to be able to cope on your own. As someone else said, lower your standards for a few days and make it easy for yourself.

BrimfulOfMash · 29/10/2023 08:48

Could he shorten his stag do trip by one night?

Get a dog walker / dog sitter for the 4 days.

Whose decision was it to get a puppy under these circumstances? (New baby / DH works away regularly)

notahappybunny7 · 29/10/2023 08:48

LemonTreeSkies · 29/10/2023 02:13

You’ll be fine. DH went overseas to work for 3 weeks leaving me with a 5 year load and a 6 week old. I was loading the tumble dryer crying my eyes out saying “I.can’t.do.this” with every item I chucked in the dryer 😂
I coped, and you will too. You’ve got this.

Jesus, how embarrassing

dothehokeycokey · 29/10/2023 08:49

@Biancagreenly

You need to toughen up if your worrying about looking after your own 11 month old and a puppy for a few days.

Take annual leave and that takes work out of the equation.

Tiredmum100 · 29/10/2023 08:50

Tandora · 29/10/2023 08:38

Plus when have you ever heard of a mum asking to go on a 4 day hen whilst one her mat leave ? 😂

Show quote history

I went on a 3 day hen weekend when ds was 4 months old, and I was on MAT leave. I had a great time. I left ds with dh.

chickenpieandchips · 29/10/2023 08:52

How old is puppy? Hire a dog walker. Sitters are asp great for childcare last minute if you need to work/have a break.
When I was left home alone I would have friends over in the evening. Quite enjoyed the other nights when I could watch what I wanted!

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/10/2023 08:54

It’ll be fine op! Just arrange a break away for yourself with your mates so that you get to have some fun too! So important to keep doing things outside of the family

AhBiscuits · 29/10/2023 08:55

We're talking about your own 11 month old for 4 days. Do you have some kind of medical condition or something else going on which makes this harder for you?

MonikerBing · 29/10/2023 08:55

I'm a little unsure why you're anxious about looking after your own baby (who isn't a newborn) plus puppy for a few days. So yes, YABU.

What's the worse that could happen? You lose out on some sleep and your house gets a bit messy.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 29/10/2023 08:55

Of course he should go. If you’re incapable of looking after your own baby for a few days alone then I would seek professional help as that is not normal. Are you normally unable to do normal adult things that you need your mum to come and stay to look after one baby?

rookiemere · 29/10/2023 08:56

Igloolou · 29/10/2023 08:38

I did mean to add something to my post - why the fuck have you got a puppy!

Yes this, not helpful I know but if you're struggling with a baby why get a puppy?

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2023 08:58

For those who are confused. I assume that legally he's using shared parental leave rather than paternity leave

MinnieL · 29/10/2023 08:58

You have one child that’s 11 months old. You’ll be fine on your own for a handful of days. It’s nice to have the ‘help’ as it makes life easier but I’m pretty sure you’re able to manage. Is there anything in particular that you’re concerned about? Is DC a bad sleeper or prone to moaning etc? If you haven’t had time with them by yourself then I can see why it may seem daunting but you’ll be fine.

You’ll be U to ask DH not to attend the stag do

PinkRoses1245 · 29/10/2023 08:59

I think you’re being wildly unreasonable. At 11 months old, and only 1 kid, i can’t see any issue.

OopsaDazy · 29/10/2023 08:59

I’d dread the thought of spending 3/4 days with my 11 month old on my own. Not because I’m not capable, because it’s bloody exhausting and stressful.

Is this an example of the snowflake generation?

There are thousands of women coping with this every day.

Even if they aren't single mothers, their partners leave the house at 6- 7am, commuting to work and come home at 7-8pm when the baby is in bed.

And some women have more than one child at home.

@Biancagreenly You're miffed that he's going to have some time away. Be honest and stop making such a big deal out of it.

Having said that, the stag is unreasonable to ask men to take 4 days holiday for what will basically be a long drinking session.

PinkRoses1245 · 29/10/2023 08:59

And seeing as you can’t cope with a baby, blows my mind you got a puppy.

Watchkeys · 29/10/2023 09:00

PinkRoses1245 · 29/10/2023 08:59

And seeing as you can’t cope with a baby, blows my mind you got a puppy.

Wow. That's so helpful.

Sundance03 · 29/10/2023 09:02

I had mine alone all the time at that age, sorry but you should be able to cope alone.

OopsaDazy · 29/10/2023 09:03

Your one and only update @Biancagreenly seems to be a rather obtuse one.

Have you agreed or not with most comments here that you can cope and shouldn't make a big deal of this?

ladygindiva · 29/10/2023 09:07

PerspiringElizabeth · 29/10/2023 05:55

Aw you’ll be fine. Nice few days chilling at home with a baby 😍 (But why the hell did you get a puppy at this stage 😄 now THAT is mad)

I was thinking this. I have no idea why people do this and don't wait until the child is older.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 29/10/2023 09:08

YABU

You both need to learn to cope with your child on your own.
It is not that difficult.

You both chose to get a puppy at the worst time possible, so you have to suck it up and get used to it.

Just make sure you also book a couple of nights away for yourself, so you can get a break too.

Keeva2017 · 29/10/2023 09:10

I doubt Op is coming back, she definitely didn’t get the support and validation she thought she would.

Luckymeluckyme · 29/10/2023 09:12

My husband is currently “deployed” aka living it up shoreside and has left me with 3 DC, 2 horses, a dog, cat oh and I work too…

I know everyone’s shit is there own but in the nicest possible way you’ll live!

BitofaStramash · 29/10/2023 09:13

@OopsaDazy

You've been incredibly lucky to have a H whose work gives him 6 months paternity leave. I've never heard of that. Most guys I know get 2 weeks then have to use annual holiday allowance

If you are in the UK all parents have a right to shared maternity/paternity leave (if you meet eligibility criteria)

www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/10/2023 09:13

It really isn’t a huge deal for one parent to manage one baby on their own for a few days. I do often wonder at a lack of resilience in rather too many people nowadays.