To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

I was brought up with all of these, and passed them in to my kids. We were also told not to take a drink while you’ve still got food in your mouth and then carry on chewing.
Eating with your mouth open is revolting.

These are quite basic manners. Most people I know use them. Who are you hanging out with?!

That's what op said, lift the spoon from the furthest ie the back. 2 pp have misunderstood this now.

They are just normal table manners. Not snobby just normal. Snobby would be the type of napkin and how you fold it etc etc.

However some folks eat takeaway every night and eat off their lap so will think you are being over the top.

1,2,3,4,6 and 7 all make perfect sense to me. They're about being considerate to who you're dining with.

It amazes me that people blindly follow the other completely random rules though..I assume it's because they're class signifiers..I mean I couldn't care less what debretts say about how I place my knife and fork. How could it be remotely rude or offensive to place them one way and not the other?

They are very basic table manners

9 and 10 are over the top for every day but ok for a formal dining occasion

Some could do with some updating, mm!

I was taught to use a spoon to twirl pasta with a fork. I have no idea if thats posh british etiquette or not but it is practical and far less awful to see than someone trailing strings of spaghetti around or chopping it up into small pieces.

The soup spoon thing, if you tilt the bowl slightly and push the spoon away, you're less likely to drip soup over yourself. And I know I do prefer to eat with people not covered in soup... just me maybe?
I think its less likely to clink or scrape the bowl too.

Pretty standard, though I have to say the most well off people I know all eat like animals!
I actually eat with my cutlery in the wrong hands, people assume I'm left handed and I don't correct them, I just prefer it that way.

It's a signal. In restaurants they clear your plate when you have finished so crossing for a break and straight for finished let's the waiter know if you have not fully cleared your plate.

These are fairly basic. But the bread thing feels kinda uptight. Unless people are being really gross I can't say I'm particularly fussed about things like this. Just feels like another class and culturally hegemonic behaviour rule. I've never really understood the no elbows on the table. I'm not sure I'd find it particularly comfortable anyway but just always seemed an odd one.

I do all of the things listed in your OP.

BUT
you need to understand that these are not 'good' table manners. They are white British table manners.

In other countries they are not the same.
And in other cultures other things are considered far more important.
It is the height of bad manners for example, in some places, to finish everything on your plate, it says that you were nor fed enough. Or as a host to serve so little that it all got eaten, so even if I was starvign I would not clear the last bit our of the serving bowl/plate on the table, as I would not want the host to feel bad.

In some places a good burp is considered to be a statement of how good the food is.

And many cultures do not use a knife and fork at all in the way white Brits do.
My dh is Dutch and I had to tell him a few of these in your list, because they are not standard in The Netherlands at all, and he still laughs at some, but does it to appear polite when eating in eg a restaurant.

So while I don't think it is a bad thing to know how to behave in the setting in which you live, it is, I think, important to remember that this is just one way of doing it.

Totally agree with the OP as far as correct table manners go. It was drummed into me as a child.

In practice though, the only thing I'm judgy about in table manners is people who hold their knife like a pen.

You're quite rude to people who disagree with you, though!

The bread thing is so the crumbs are on the plate not your lap or the floor which would be disrespectful to the waiting staff.

Basic manners, taught at home but also at school dinners. I have been dismayed at how often people don't know them. Chewing with an open mouth is the absolute worst.

Do you take into account what other cultures do? In some countries in Asia it's common to use a fork and spoon, no knife. 🙄

Your bullet points at the end are unreasonable.

@Boomboom22 see, I’d also say it’s the correct way but to dh, it’s not important because the pillow case is on it doesn’t need the flap (apparently). His parents house is immaculate and he went to a grammar school/is university educated. It honestly blew my mind that my correct way wasn’t thought so by everyone.

These are all completely normal table manners, OP.

However, @HairyMcHairyFace is right about the correct way to deal with soup.

All normal to me. I also always put a napkin over my lap which makes me sound about 80, but I'm truly not

It's actually true.

Table manners can make dining more pleasant, but you've got to guard against weaponising etiquette and turning it into them and us. The positioning of the knife and fork just tells the server that you haven't finished, which is important if dining alone and you leave the table to get more bread etc. At home if someone wants to use a spoon instead of a fork, they should be able to.

If you want to be really correct, bananas should be eaten with a knife and fork! That particular one isn’t followed in our house, but I guess if I was ever presented with a banana in a very formal setting, I do know that’s how they are supposed to be eaten.

You should also never cut the corner off a triangular shaped piece of cheese from a cheeseboard…..

Agree with this. 5 and 8-10 are considered good table manners but they are all very much just a customary way to do certain things. I do the knife/fork thing to indicate we are finished when out but not at home (at home the kids say they are done and then go and scrape rubbish into bin and put plates in dishwasher before disappearing off to play). I really don’t bother about elbows on table or tearing up rolls (just a chance for kids to create crumbs/mess) and while I enforce using cutlery I’m not overly particular about exact way of holding it or picking up food with it.

I bet his mum knows how to put a pillowcase on properly and he's always had them on properly unless he did it.

Agree.

They are white British manners.

The same way we don't comment when we've have eaten with white guests and they make a faux pas, understanding works both ways.