To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

I hadn't realised i was a shoveller until now. I'm trying to picture holding the fork pointing down, is it easier to eat off of it ? I'll definitely try it tomorrow.

So many people seem to talk with their mouth full of food, it's revolting so I'm with you on that one OP.

Normal table manners. DH won’t start to eat until I have sat down. He takes our drinks and condiments to the table while I serve up.

im watching the below deck series and some of the table manners of guests on these charters leave a lot to be desired.

Using your own knife to scoop mustard from the jar at a group dinner is something I cannot get my head round. Disgusting

Dh is a bit averse to messy eating - not in others but for himself - he really struggled when he was refused cutlery in a burger bar - they insisted diners ate with their fingers. He felt very uncomfortable! The food was incredible and he did enjoy it, when he finally unclenched!

5 6 8 9 and 10 are unreasonable. The rest are fine!

This is how I was brought up, wish youngsters were taught to eat properly these days.

@Cheesecakefiend it is not. With rice or something you just point the tines of the fork down and push the food onto your fork. With peas you take a few at a time and squish them on to the back of the fork. If it’s a dessert you cut with the side of your fork then spear the piece to eat it.

You are not a snob. I’m the same - about this and about grammar!

I like my peas whole, the thought of squishing them onto the back of the fork really puts me off!

You are not a snob. I’m the same - about this and about grammar!

That's fine as long as you keep your opinion to yourself! People who openly criticise other adults for their poor grammar or imperfect table manners are at least as rude and/or ignorant as the people they are criticising.

And the weird soup thing

Says who?

What happens to the table manner snob who happens to eyeball someone who is using their fork in the wrong way?

Do they implode? Burst into flame? Surely so rude to do such a thing at the gasp table!

I agrée that’s all the “right way” but I also admit that unless I’m very formal situations I very often “shovel” small loose things like rice and peas with my fork the wrong way, and I don’t always spoon my soup the “right” way.

Standard stuff OP.

I am not monitoring my fellow diners closely, but I think most people in western countries follow these norms.

That’s pretty much what we do. And our children have been taught the same lessons.

I do allow spoons for stews and curries. I’m not too bothered about elbows; we have a big table. The children scoop soup towards them; I don’t but it’s not a hill I’m going to die on.

To be honest this is starting to get a bit old on this thread. Some people hold others to their standards, whatever table manners they have inherited/invented for all I know. I do not judge but my bullying and abusive family have ingrained these habits into my head. I don’t really care how others eat as long as they’re not actually spitting food on me or something, and I would never judge. I think there’s a strong element of inverse snobbery, in fact, with some posters here who seem to be dying to take offense at how others were raised to eat meals. I haven’t seen a single post casting aspersions on how someone holds their fork. I was so badly bullied by my parents about how to eat food “properly” that I avoid certain foods altogether, hate eating where anyone can see me and have a fairly severe eating disorder. Can we just all lay off with disliking people for the table manners they’ve learned, please?

No, not 'most people in western countries'

read the thread. American table manners are very different. My dh is dutch and laughs at lists like this.

this is just a snobbish British thing.

Of course no-one wants to see your food, eat with your mouth shut etc. But some of these are nuts.

I went to a posh girls boarding school so I can do all of these. But I have long since decided ot use a fork anyway I want to, and the workd will not collapse.

Yep that’s how I was raised, plus the knife may only point down never up.

Thisnis actually a helpful thread as DH did not have these rules and thinks I am mad for not wanting phone or elbows on table in front of DC.

Some of the 'rules' are just so daft, like the soup direction and the pea squashing. Who invented them, and for what (apart from the sheer desire to look on people who don't follow one's made-up behaviour code)?! It's so arbitrary. There is nothing wrong with using cutlery to eat food in a practical way, as long as you aren't making a mess or being rude.

I think it depends on how loaded the fork is. Fully loaded then that might look like shovelling fuel in a furnace. I don't think using the underside of a fork necessarily needs to look inelegant. Again it all depends on how formal the setting.

My grandmother used her knife and fork to cut up the food on her plate then laid the knife down and ate her meal using just the fork 'the wrong way up' - North-American style. She never looked in-elegant because her fork was never fully loaded. Although it was a source of quiet amusement to me watching her chasing the last few peas around the plate.

In many years of eating soup without bonkers traditions, I can assure you this isn’t necessary

I have no idea. However feels natural. You’re seriously saying you’re “put off” by how other people hold a knife? 🤮

I am so sorry that you experienced that.

I actually read the whole thread as quite the opposite. To me it reads like dozens of people saying - you should hold your fork this way, that is the correct normal way to do it and anyone who doesn't deserves judging.

The judging is of those who don't have the same table manners, not of those who do. Holding someone else to your particular standard is to me a strange thing, when it is as arbitrary as how to hold a fork.

No-one is judging the fork holders, they are judging the attitude that they are 'right' and others are 'wrong'.

Not it's harder