To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

Standard table manners. Eating with your mouth open is gross. Cramming food into your mouth, ditto. Gobbling down the meal before everyone is seated and not thanking the cook are all pretty rude behaviour.

Normal good manners.

I think this is normal. I hold my cutlery oddly, but I do all the rest. I am teaching my daughter the same. Manners matter.

Basic table manners that I want my DD to learn.
My partner rarely leave the knife and fork together when he finishes a meal and I will see him many times shoving food with the fork even if holding a knife... Sorry... It puts me off straight away and I am definitely not a snob. That and manage to getting a napkin immediately all dirty and wrapped like rag on the table next to the plate.

getting a napkin immediately all dirty and wrapped like rag on the table next to the plate.

Eurgh. Another one of my pet hates.

I would do most of these except for the index finger thing and loading of the fork - which I can't say I'd always do. If I'm having a fun and chatty meal with friends or family then I'd not worry about most of these at all - including elbows on the table. The only one I'm absolute about is phones. To be honest I'm glad I lead a relaxed and fun life compared with these petty rules - it reminds me of deadly boredom of my youth.

Basic manners.
plus cream or milk in appropriate jug.
spoon and fork for dessert
soup from nearest point of bowl to back
no scraping of plates
slurping drinks
don’t like knife or plate
no plates removed from table before every one finished… this in particular irritates me in restaurants when not done.
don’t eat with mouth open or speak with mouth full.

anyhow most people I know have shocking table manners and if entertaining then I’ll ensure I’m not sitting opposite them!
I say to my daughter you don’t need all of this everyday at home but you should how to behave nicely out!

No, you just use a fork and twist. Italians would lose their minds to see you eating spaghetti with a spoon.

My sister, who was very judgemental of others, allowed my nieces to eat chips and other bite size food, with their hands at the table, and even at restautants, well into their teens. I think they only stopped themselves, when they were finally old enough to notice none of their friends did this.

I was brought up like that, and my sister and l had ulcers from the stress. Most of it boils down to being considerate, which was what I told the children.

A lot of those are quite normal. Some are ott.

Oh, I disagree, not a snob at all, this is the way I was brought up, table manners are important.

I’ve been told all of those and I do most of them daily but I’m much more relaxed now and I don’t think some of them are needed . We also had fish and meat cutlery etc plus correct glasses , correct wine to drink with each food etc

All correct, in my opinion. Also push your chair back under the table when you leave the table.

I keep asking...

Why oh why does it affect your sensibilities when someone on another fucking table using a fork as a scoop and does not do all the mushed peas on the back bullshit?

To quote a line from Zoolander... I feel like I am taking crazy pills.

8 and 10 are the ones I don't regularly do.

Spoon soup away from you. And I (shock horror) use my cutlery the wrong way around - it doesn't matter who I'm with or where I am, I'll use cutlery as I see fit!

And I don't care about elbows on tables.

But the rest is just polite.

I haven't read all the replies so someone else might have added this, but I would add not using the fork/spoon that you are eating with to serve yourself from a communal serving dish which has serving utensils in place. During covid I was delighted to serve up Christmas dinner from the kitchen rather than have family members use their own cutlery in serving dishes.

Perfectly normal. I can't believe how bad some people's table manners are nowadays. I see plenty of people who don't seem to be able to hold their cutlery in the correct hand never mind anything else!

I think you're my daughter....

Yes they are basic table manners in the UK. Not in other countries though. The world keeps spinning regardless.

Oh no! Terrible!

Basic table manners in the UK but one or two on that list would be frowned upon in other countries I've lived in.

I tend to think your Mum had poor manners by pointing out people's bad table manners. Eat and enjoy your food - spread the love, and make people feel welcome and not judged.

And another aspect, in my view, is that in a more formal setting, it just looks more elegant!

In my own home I'll butter the roll and take bites from it. But not if I'm entertaining, at a restaurant, or at a friend's home!

I was also taught that if ever I were nibbling meat from a bone to hold it with the finger tips of both hands. Admittedly, easier said than done when perching on a gnome, and balancing a plate on your knees at a barbeque...

Yes, this!

All the poncery about how to hold a fork is bonkers. Unless you are eating with royalty, who gives a shiny shit?

It is snobbish, because it just looking down on people who have not had the same upbringing. And TBH, I had no idea that eating with the back of a fork was ever a thing. It seems tedious and performative.