To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

These are normal table manners, so your nothing special.
If it annoys. You try to eat alone in the future then you won't get irritated

My friend's mum who was Dutch, where they know mussels, taught me how to eat them. You get a big shell and hold it between index finger and thumb of your dominant hand - right for me. You use it like a pincer to pluck the other mussel meat you're holding in your other hand, eat it and discard the empty shells in the debris bowl. Keep going until finished and mop up the liquor with crusty bread. Don't mess about with forks and spoons. This is the best tip I've ever learned and English people have often marvelled at it. I always credit Jacqueline's mum Fanny (Anne).

Normal table manners

paintingvenice
The kindest, most polite thing is not to judge…

Yes, I agree when it's nice, regular people who are a bit socially inept or awkward.

But you do meet loutish people (OK, men usually) who sort of make a thing of being disgusting when eating - as if it's a measure of how macho they are. It's analogous to extreme 'manspreading' when sitting down. No man actually HAS to sit like that, it's just a thuggish, butch kind of assertiveness - putting 2 fingers up to the concept of polite society. You do encounter similar behaviour at meals, unfortunately. I definitely judge this!

I learnt to eat mussels like this in France too.
great finger food!

These all sound like basic good table manners to me. This thread reminded me if a few years ago when I was dating a man who,in a restaurant,left his knife and fork 'splayed' on the plate after he'd finished eating. I told him that he should place them side by side,to indicate that he'd finished. He said he'd never heard such a thing!

This is the only one I think is questionable.

I can’t use my left hand so tend to choose dishes I can eat with just a fork. Otherwise I agree with the OP.

I agree with most of these and follow them if I am out, but not always at home.

The only one I have a difference of opinion on is the shovelling - we were always allowed to shovel but only if we put the knife down first and moved the fork into the right hand. Once done, you were not supposed to switch back again - a very confusing rule for children to understand.

As a primary teacher, I would be happy if most DCs were taught to use a knife and fork in any way at all - so many seem to arrive at school without the most basic of skills having been brought up purely on finger food.

That is what she said - push to the furthest side of the bowl. Furthest away would be the back of the bowl

Debretts can disagree, however we were taught otherwise after an 'incident' at a posh work meal my dad attended.

He put his knife and fork properly on his plate at the end of his meal, then while talking to the person next to him, knocked his cutlery, which somersaulted, and flicked peas/gravy skywards, and straight into the hair of his big bosses wife who was sat directly behind him...

We no longer put cutlery directly in front of us.

That’s how I was raised. I’m horrified at the bad manners I see too. Someone I was out with licked their knife…

Exactly how we were brought up - find it quite sad when out in restaurants etc that some people’s basic table manners and so bad.

How and why are you noticing how other diners hold their cutlery?

Surely studying other people in such a way is bad manners in itself.

Everything loaded on to the back of a fork, using other food to make sure the peas stayed put.
Spoons were to be held the same way you hold a pen.

This. 😅

I'd love to see you correcting your mum on soup-spooning etiquette. 😉

I do follow most of these.
You’re wrong about the soup - you should push the soup away from you with the spoon. It’s etiquette so that you don’t spill it down yourself.

most of them are pretty basic but I’m not that fussed about exactly how someone loads their fork or how they hold their cutlery really.

Nothing snobbish about good manners, no doubt the "shove it in their gobs" brigade will think you are the worst person ever.

This is how I was raised and how I have raised my children. Nothing worse than watching someone chomp their food with their mouth open.

And nothing worse than someone not using the back of a fork to pick up food too?

This thread is batshit.

Not strict at all, brought up exactly the same and my children abide by these rules. Would also add that they ask to leave the table and no singing!

XenoBitch - my opinion, thanks.

All completely normal table manners to me. I might just use a fork if eating pasta or at home with a rice dish. I wouldn’t lean on the table whilst eating but might have an elbow on whilst leaning forward and chatting at end/beginning of meal.

Same table rules here. With seemingly endless requests to my DC to take their elbows off the table and cut their food up small enough to go straight in their mouth rather than gnaw from a fork.

I also want to add in ‘no licking your knife’ in fact I nearly said it to one of my DCs friends last week. It makes me wince as a) looks awful b) with the wrong knife will be hazardous.

I’m glad most people here still see table manners as important. I also emphasise to my DC to thank the cook and help clear the table when they go to friends. It’s always nicer to have children round who act respectfully.

Nope this is how I was brought up too. The only things that would differ would be at home to wait for everyone to be seated with food before starting not just the chef. Also knife and fork together at the end of a meal but doesn’t have to be in any particular place although I often do 4/5 o’clock.