To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

Same manners I was taught.

If it's people I don't know in a restaurant, I just feel a bit sorry for them.

The American habit I've seen is cutting the food, then putting the knife down and swapping hands for the fork. Very time consuming! Don't know if it's still done, this was a decade ago.

I'm split on these. 1-8 are fine, all of them are about courtesy to the people you're eating with.

9 & 10 I think are a bit precious to be honest!

For me good manners is about consideration for others around me. I'm not sure how not just biting into a bread roll, or not using the convex side of a fork (the polite "top" side has never made any sense to me!!) is making any difference to anyone else! I think if people are transporting a small enough amount to their mouth that they can close their mouth when chewing, I'm not bothered how it got there!

I was taught just this though I admit I now eat some dishes with spoon as I eat. Lot of one pit meals.

DH never got this memo and it stresses me more than it should!

That’s the way I was taught by my mother who’d worked in Service in a Big House for Landed Gentry.
Except for a few differences: Soup pushed onto the spoon away from you towards the back of the bowl, then eaten from the side of spoon closest to you.
Knife and fork at 20 past 4 position if taking a pause during eating. When finished eating place them at half past 6 position, the lets the waiting staff know whether you’ve finished or not.
Wait until everyone has finished before leaving the table unless you’ve asked and been given permission.
It’s just generally good table manners.
The waiting until everyone is served seems to be happening less, not bothered by that but I hate people eating with their mouth open, reminds me of the time I heard someone say to a kid in a restaurant “Close your mouth, you look like a tumble drier”.

I do all that, even squashing peas on the back of a fork. Go one further than OP with knife and fork position, if it is an acidic sauce or vinegar you place the fork upside down with the tines down touching the plate not the bowl part. Apparently this is from when people had silver cutlery, I have never had silver so god knows why I do it.
I also work in a school with sit down meals, we have a notable number of kids start who actually don't know how to use cutlery and have to teach them.
However I think that the snobbery part comes purely from judgement of others. As long as people can get the food to their mouth without incident and don't gross me out with noise and visuals I couldn't care how they eat their meal. So yes OP I would call you a snob as you seem sneery about those with manners that don't match yours.

Just so you know - putting your knife and fork this way interlaced or crossing, means you didn't like the meal, if they're separate it means you're pausing, Putting them together virtually means you're finished, together horizontal means food was excellent, like a plus sign means you're ready for the next plate.

Not just taking the last slice is very basic. It can benefit you sometimes, if someone else is doing the offering, so it evens out in the end.

Very basic table manners imo. Nothing worse than eating with people who don’t know basic etiquette.

My pet hate is people using their fork as a shovel.

I wouldn’t offer it out if I wanted to have it. I normally say, does anyone mind if I have the last [blank]? At a British table everyone is too polite to say if they do so it’s yours. Elsewhere you might have to negotiate, especially if you’re dining with Germans/Dutch as they will definitely tell you if they want it too and then the battle ensues!

All normal manners but I couldn’t get worked up about how someone ate their bread roll.

Agree

Absolutely normal for a British upbringing I'd say. Personally I like to think we aren't going to Buckingham Palace anytime soon so we can relax about the holding the cutlery etc but yea things like checking no one wants the last potato etc is polite

I was taught all of this growing up both at home and at school (boarding) and I’ve taught my children the same. Even the 6 yr old asks to start or waits till I sit down. And everyone excuses them selves and says thank you afterwards even if it’s a takeaway or similar.

My partner was not taught any of this. Although 10 years later he does follow most of the ‘rules’ now. Most of it’s just courtesy. He does however insist on putting ketchup all over his food rather than in a dollop at the side of the plate which I absolutely hate. I swear he does it just to annoy me.

my bil has the most awful manners though, grabbing food off communal plates before everyone has even sat down, mouth open, taking the last of things without a second thought, never saying thank you, cutlery all over the place when he’s finished. He’d never think to help clear, or even wait till his mum sits down before he’s finished his plate. My children sit there aghast watching him 😂

Eat your beans from the tin if you want to but only when eating alone. Otherwise OP's list is standard. Don't be like the young woman on First Dates who said 'Oh. Knife and Fork. Not sure how to use these'.

I hold my knife in right hand and fork in my left, (DH holds his in the opposite way to me) use the fork to spear the food while cutting it if it needs to be cut, load the food onto the back of the fork, fork to mouth. Simple.
I have a set of Sporks for buffet food, a combination of knife fork and spoon in one. A three pronged spoon shape with one serrated edge. DH bought them years ago, the first thing he bought for our first house. Great for eating spag bol.

OP's list obviously isn't standard though. Look at the amount of people saying they have never heard of or have different rules for eating soup, eating bread, signalling they've finished and (to a lesser extent) holding cutlery.

That is the problem I have with this thread and the OP. Things aren't standard just because you and some posters on the internet say so. There is lots of variation. You have the evidence on this thread and all around you.

That's completely different from people being rude, being disgusting, eating like animals etc.

I eat my peas with honey
I’ve done it all my life
It may taste rather funny
But it keeps them on my knife

😂

Some I agree with but 5,8,9,10 I couldn't bring myself to care about.

As lone as people are being good company, not grabbing all the food for themselves, leaving the all the work to others or grossing other diners out I'm happy enough and don't tend to nit pick 🤷🏽‍♀️

Good manners OP YANBU. It’s the same as I was raised with and will be / am teaching DS

Some people hold their cutlery like a pair of oars. It’s not a good look.

Exactly. Also - lots of people don’t eat with a knife and fork. Some people even clutches pearls eat with their hands. This thread is just an excuse for OP to get others to validate their snobbery. Boo hiss.

was always normal in my house too - the only time forks were ’allowed’ to be turned over is when eating peas. Even Debretts says it is acceptable to do this!

I think the waiting until everyone is served depends on the service- it’s now considered bad manners if you don’t eat as soon as those next to you are served as your food may go cold and allowing that is equally insulting to the chef. Apparently! Although I imagine this is for groups larger than 6-8- more your banquet type setting 🤣

Also getting a distinct vibe of cultural supremacy from this thread - only people who eat with knives and forks are ‘civilised’. Gross.