To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

Some of the general table manners should be used when out in public ( not the pretentious nonsense though)
At home a 'no farting at the dinner table' rule is surely sufficient though.

Completely normal table manners

The spoon and fork is how italians teach children to eat pasta. Once proficient you should only use a fork.

OP - very basic manners imo, especially waiting for the host/everyone to be served. Also waiting for everyone to be finished before starting to clear the table. My MIL gets up and starts tidying as soon as she is done (which is always first as she eats small portions) and even after 11 years I'm infuriated by it. Once my little boy is old enough to be aware of what is going on I'm going to have to lay down the law in my house...

They are very Middle English and don't apply to many people. The bread one isn't important.

Jonathan Swift already ridiculed all these "rules" to death 300 years ago in Gulliver's Travels.

Everyone knows the only proper place to crack an egg is in the middle.

The cutlery ones seem a bit fussy to me; the rest is fairly basic good manners.

They aren’t even ‘white British manners’ in a wholesale manner. They are highly classed.

The nonsense about not being able to just open your bread roll, butter it and eat it is not just obvious common sense. There is nothing rude about buying a roll. I don’t care if people dip it in their soup either.

Same with the using the back of the fork rather than the obvious scooping function. Just nonsense.

And elbows off the table.

This thread even had a link to debretts, which is a flashback to MN 15 years ago. Bloody debretts!

It also strikes me that it reads like a list for manners for eating a multi-course meal of the kind that would be served in the early to mid 20th century. Complete with white table cloth.

And then generalises that as if it’s the way everything must be eaten. With an air of smugness and faux ‘am I unreasonable to not be a dreadful heathen?’

I just hope that all of you who follow these rules do your research and make the appropriate changes as soon as you leave the country.

Otherwise you are frightfully rude - and I think I know the answer for the majority.

I bet they don’t slurp their noodles.

What do you mean that these manners date back to 1066 when 'Middle English' was spoken?

I think she means it’s all very middle England trying to copy the aristocracy.

I've never heard of the bread or soup rules. The others are definitely a must IMO

Mixture. The stuff relating to consideration for other people is good manners. Elbows, angles of spoons and 'correct' ways to dip bread is stupid. Broadly speaking, stop at no 7 on your list.

Some of these are fine but the bread roll/cutlery holding/soup pushing stuff is just sounds old fashioned and weird.

Also, in case it needs saying - if you judge others because they haven’t had the same etiquette lessons as you and don’t hold a soup spoon the ‘right’ way in your eyes, that makes you an asshole! Whatever way you eat a flipping bread roll!

5 6 7 9 not done much anymore. At a dinner party perhaps but not in our fam or friends fam

They’re the correct table manners for sure. But I just want my kids to eat full stop at this point!

I was brought up and taught this way, but are you truly asking 'AIBU' or is this really a 'Did you know?' post and you are attempting to educate MN?

Personally, I do notice every time someone has supposedly 'bad manners', but I was also brought up to believe it's bad manners to make someone else feel uncomfortable. My BIL can't hold his knife properly and, yes, it irks me, but I would never point it out. That's just bad manners.

All basic stuff - though sadly some of it seems in decline.

Elbows on the table are fine.

Those are all pretty basic good table manners.

It isn't just British, I have Scandinavian heritage and it is important to hold your cutlery in the same way. However, also important to finish all your food.

It's not an American habit at all, and sounds horrible.

Using cutlery properly does look better though. It’s easy to put food on the back of your fork if you hold it a knife and fork nicely. It’s simple, direct and unfussy.
Or you could hold it like a spoon and eat it ( shovel it in) like that usually with a dip to catch food before it falls off.

I think the point is that you don’t notice people eating if they eat and use cutlery properly. You notice the ones that don’t.
Of course it doesn’t matter any more than going out in pyjamas or whatever but having basic manners doesn’t mark you out as chilled and individual though.

Every day is a school day! I never done any of these things apart from knife and fork together at 20 past as a child as we did not have a dining table and ate off trays on our laps. I always have however, installed it in D.C, not because I think they’re snobbish but a polite way of having a meal.