To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

In reality, parents collect the kids from childminder at 6pm, dash home, quick dinner before homework, bath, story and bed.

Yet we're all supposed to be sitting at the table, staring at the slowest person to finish and trying to match their pace, while trying to work out what the fuck the position of their cutlery actually means 🙄

None of that is basic, it’s convoluted, purposefully strained &should be consigned to bin. Don’t pass this nonsense on, it’s dire and antiquated

Also saying Grace at the evening meal or before a celebratory meal in the middle of the day and clicking glasses and saying Here's Luck......

I remember some friends who encountered Americans abroad in the 1980s and were shocked that they ate pizza with their hands instead of with a knife and fork. Really interesting.

One that hasn’t come up yet: the host(ess) should finish last. So if one person is a really slow eater the host is sitting there with a couple of mouthfuls on her plate, waiting to eat them in sync with the slowest guest’s last couple of bites. Not sure if that’s white British because my family is a bit international. But, as the slowest eater, I apologise to hosts everywhere.

I meant 'spoon the soup from the farthest part of the bowl' as spoon it from the back of the bowl

Very basic manners... I know more people who do every single one of those things than don't.

It was just the way I was taught. It was seen as bad manners!

Waiting for everyone to be served before eating would have been seen as unappreciative of the cook's work when I was growing up.

You served guests and elderly relatives first. Small kids (who didn't want their food so hot, usually) last. You said thank you for the food and didn't sit around letting it go cold.

I appreciate that the waiting is a form of good manners. So is not waiting, in other contexts. Manners aren't morals.

How can you spoon it from the back of the bowl if you're spooning it away from you??

I still don't get why you're saying that. If you were pushing the spoon away from you and you started at the farthest part, you'd be banging it against the side of the bowl!

I was taught all of these and teach them to my children

Sounds fair enough. Though your 5th rule may vary

Mostly all normal table manners. Though I always wonder why spoon isn’t a given when eating rice or curry? So much easier to eat than with fork

I agree with all of your points - basic table manners.

Im not so bothered how people hold their fork and such things, but not eating until the host / cook has sat down and no devices at the table are pretty important in my view. Basic consideration of others.

If we all paced ourselves by the slowest eaters, all meals would go on forever. The slowest eater would slow down so as not to outpace whoever slowed down for them.

Nightmare. Madness.

How can you spoon it from the back of the bowl if you're spooning it away from you??

I still don't get why you're saying that. If you were pushing the spoon away from you and you started at the farthest part, you'd be banging it against the side of the bowl!

I agree. It's spooned away from around the middle of the bowl. To spoon away from the farthest part would bang, as you say. Also risk of spillage.

I'm imagining a tidal wave.

This fine thread needs a diagram.

Wait until you find out some of us eat dinner on the sofa.. my poor kids being so 'badly brought up'

We're you really brought up with no phone at the table. That makes you under 25 if you were affluent or under 20 for usual households, or is it something you think now.

Manners are inclusionary, etiquette is exclusionary
Fortunately I grew up in a household where food was loved and not a chore or a task to be monitored to check or regulate compliance with
I read the op list as a sad descriptor of food reduced tasks.

So you start with your soup spoon at the back of your bowl? Do you then scoop it towards you or away from you?

😂

Sorry for the spoon explanation it didn't make much sense haha! By 'from the furthest part of the bowl' I meant I spoon it away from me at the back of the bowl

Yes, minus the phone because they didn't exist, the rest is standard manners at the table.

I suspect the OP picks the bowl up and just has a good old slurp 😁

I follow table manners but I don’t judge others … I suggest you do the same?

i don’t follow all the rules when eating at home without guests or when eating with close friends either …