To think these are correct table manners or am I just a snob??

[Justintime3]

I was raised with strict table manners, yet I have never been sat at a table with anyone who has the same table manners I do! Are these over the top?

This is what I was taught

1. Do not eat until the person who cooked sits down (excused if the chef says you can start)
2. Do not eat until everyone has their food in a restaurant (excused if the person without their food says you can start)
3. Chew with your mouth closed and do not speak with your mouth full
4. Do not take calls or use your phone at the table. Excuse yourself if you need to
5. Put your knife and fork together at the front of your plate when you are finished
6. Offer the last serving of XYZ to the table before you take it
7. Thank the person who cooked and offer to clean up
8. Elbows off the table
9. Tear bread into small chunks to eat in a restaurant, don't bite off the whole roll

10. Use cutlery correctly

• index finger on top of your knife and fork
• spoons for soup and dessert only. Spoon the soup from the farthest side of the bowl
• load food onto the back of the fork with your knife. (No 'shovelling' as my mum called it)

My mum's always been really strict on it and is the type to point out people's bad table manners so I've always followed these to a T. Thoughts? Is this over the top and I'm a snob, or are these just normal to expect?

Because of how I've been raised I can't help but be put off when I see someone without these manners.

Just keen to see how others were raised!

You people judge the side of a bowl someone scoops soup from?! Who even made the rule and what the fuck is wrong with you all?

Yes, snobs.

I am a bit slow at eating and I am mortified when I eat out with people who eat so very quickly that the waiter removes their empty plates leaving me the only one eating at the table.

I never frequent that restaurant again.
So, I am mindful to eat WITH a person I am dining with - not before them.
I feel most comfortable when table manners are in play. Everyone has the odd evening when there is a rushed meal but taking time to eat as a family most nights takes little time and adds to family appreciating each other's voice and sleeping well.

It really does need a diagram! 😂 Doesn't the tidal wave go all over the tablecloth?? Most people agree with the 'tidal wave' method but I'm so confused! 😂

Though the squashing peas on the back of a fork thing has thankfully been binned to history.

YANBU
except, I was taught to spoon from the nearest side off the bowl away from me when eating soup!

my partner chops up everything and mixes on the plate, I think it’s an American habit. Yuk

Ok I accept I care far too much about this but you're STILL not making sense and I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Any chance of a diagram? 😁😂

Some of these I think are normal, others you’re taking it too far like how people spoon their soup or which way up their fork is. Couldn’t care less if elbows are on the table. I’m surprised at people saying to bite the bread though, I’d think someone was a right weirdo if they took a chomp out of a communal bread roll! People who eat pizza with a knife and fork give me a massive ick though.

One that hasn’t come up yet: the host(ess) should finish last. So if one person is a really slow eater the host is sitting there with a couple of mouthfuls on her plate, waiting to eat them in sync with the slowest guest’s last couple of bites.

I'm sure I read that anybody dining with the late Queen was expected to finish eating the moment that she did. I don't know whether she deliberately ate slowly to give everybody a chance to finish, wolfed it and tough cheddar to everybody else, or something in between. I presume it's the same now with the King.

YNBU. Another vote for basic table manners.

I heard a straw is great for soup

Bit uptight to me, sorry. Especially points 9 & 10. But I also don't wait until I have an empty mouth to speak. I push it to the side of my mouth and say something. No one can see it and I never spit, so what's the issue?

Look, times change. Do you parent as the last generation did? You can't just assume, because it used to be the normal expectations, that everyone will still do it.

I was brought up exactly the same, it is basic table manners!!!

Only if you point it at the far end of the bowl and blow the soup away from you, of course.

Surely all this snobbery only applies to certain cuisines anyway.

If I go to an Indian restaurant , I am not going to be cutting up poppadums with a knife and fork. I went to an Indian place with a couple and the wife of the couple did not end up eating anything at all as she was chatting so much. If we had eaten at her pace, it would have been a massive waste of food.

You're right. I will call all 4 of my adult children who are in college or live in various places across the world right now and say, "Sorry Guys, Mum fucked up in 2011"

Basic manners, additional needs aside.

Eating together helps you sleep well? I think I've heard it all now!

Rice/roti and curry is usually eaten by hand and the early 'Indian' restauranteurs in the uk probably thought that the Brits would be repulsed at the thought of eating with their hands (plus you'd need extra hand washing facilities). So they gave customers what they thought was expected, maybe 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Like this :) back of the bowl, spoon away from you

Frankly,I think a group gathering for food is joyful. Don’t care about spoons,manners
Food is social,convivial to be enjoyed for all at their
own preference and pace. It’s not a mannerly exercise in who pushed their soup where,whose finger rested where. Food is belonging & togethernesses it isn’t exclusionsary. Your manners are stifled & exclusionary

My still remember my lovely nanna teaching me this, you don’t get a pre-dinner bread roll and bite it whole, just tears bits off, butter and eat :-)

'Silly things'? You mean, like standards?

Wtf

Who has time for that

Hahah ok!

It is silly.

Yes, things like no phones at the table, and waiting until everyone has their food before tucking in... but bollocks like how to scoop soup up with a spoon, where you fingers should be on a knife etc.
Who the hell is watching other diners that closely? FFS, enjoy your food and company.
This shit literally only matters if you are dining with royalty.