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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car crash romance- wrong or right?

109 replies

Messymummy84 · 28/10/2023 22:18

Looking for some perspective here. Single mum, happily divorced and diligently dating. I was involved in a collision last week, absolutely not my fault and several witnesses who agreed I couldn’t have avoided it. Was fairly nasty, my vehicle written off and a few people in hospital but thankfully no one died. Now my dilemma is this: one of the witnesses who stopped was really attractive and there was instant chemistry between us. I’m talking lingering eye contact, hand on shoulder, ‘are you really ok?’ type interaction. But he was in the car with his girlfriend who seemed cold and maybe like they’d been arguing or weren’t really very into each other. As we all swapped details, I’m wondering if it’s unreasonable to message him, with romantic intentions, given the obvious connection we shared. I feel like these things happen for a reason and our universes collided, as my car collided with the school minibus. I’ve been dating on and off for nearly 3 years now and I haven’t felt anything like this. I can’t stop thinking about him and really want to send him a message but I haven’t yet. AIBU?

OP posts:
junbean · 28/10/2023 22:20

Why not? Worst that can happen is no thank you.

Lesina · 28/10/2023 22:20

That would be insane.)

GinGinAllTheGin · 28/10/2023 22:22

As you say these things happen for a reason. If you felt such a strong connection maybe he’ll reach out to you? Good luck hun! X

PrimalOwl10 · 28/10/2023 22:22

I think its all on your head and your imaging something that isn't there. He has a gf he will think your a nutter if you message him romantically.

KrisAkabusi · 28/10/2023 22:23

I feel like these things happen for a reason and our universes collided, as my car collided with the school minibus
Yeah, kids were terrified in a car accident while others were seriously injured and went to hospital so you could meet your soulmate! 🙄

steff13 · 28/10/2023 22:24

KrisAkabusi · 28/10/2023 22:23

I feel like these things happen for a reason and our universes collided, as my car collided with the school minibus
Yeah, kids were terrified in a car accident while others were seriously injured and went to hospital so you could meet your soulmate! 🙄

This made me giggle. It's fairly ridiculous when you put it that way.

Ella31 · 28/10/2023 22:24

I think you are mistaking concern for passion. I also have a huge issue with someone who intends to message another person knowing they are already in a relationship. I think it's really lousy

Original poster
Messymummy84 · 28/10/2023 22:24

Oh. When you put it like that 😔 nobody died though and most kids do love a day off school!

OP posts:
CousinGreg55 · 28/10/2023 22:25

He was either just being kind to you as you had been in an accident or he was flirting with you with his girlfriend sitting in the car which isn't a good sign.

Allinadayswork80 · 28/10/2023 22:26

How about opening the lines of communication with a casual “hi hope you don’t mind me contacting you but just wanted to let you know I’m doing ok and wanted to thank you for your help and the kindness you showed me” and that gives him a chance to respond, or not.

Original poster
Messymummy84 · 28/10/2023 22:26

That’s a really great and practical suggestion, thank you.

OP posts:
BethDuttonsTwin · 28/10/2023 22:26

I would 😁

RunningFromInsanity · 28/10/2023 22:27

Why would you want to date someone who could so easily cheat on his girlfriend?

steff13 · 28/10/2023 22:28

CousinGreg55 · 28/10/2023 22:25

He was either just being kind to you as you had been in an accident or he was flirting with you with his girlfriend sitting in the car which isn't a good sign.

Another good point.

Jitterybugs · 28/10/2023 22:28

Did you bump your head during the accident?

Original poster
Messymummy84 · 28/10/2023 22:28

I hadn’t thought of it like that. He was very friendly 😬 perhaps I was in shock and not thinking straight with all the sirens etc

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 28/10/2023 22:30

Reasons for and against. I think on balance though better to do something and regret it than not do anything and regret it.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2023 22:32

I have serious doubts about your character if you think it's perfectly fine to come on to a man who you know is in a relationship. So much for having integrity.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/10/2023 22:32

You think you car collides with a SCHOOL bus because the Universe thinks you're so much more important than those pesky people who ended up in hospital?

Message him but he has a gf so if he messages back to hook up, what does that say about him? At best keep it light and acknowledge her - hope you and your gf are doing ok etc. That way he can say they've broken up or it's his sister or it is his gf but he'd like to hook up anyway.

Createausername1970 · 28/10/2023 22:33

Watched a Christmas film earlier today, and the message was "if God sends a sleigh, get on it"

The background was a story told by one of the characters in the film. Traveller was stranded in the snow, along came a stranger in a sleigh, offered the traveller a lift. Traveller refused, said God would help him. Three times the traveller was offered help, three time he declined saying God would help him. He died in the snow and when he got to the pearly gates he remonstrated with God, wanting to know why God hadn't saved him. God said "I sent three sleighs, what more did you want?"

So, this could be your sleigh ride. You won't know unless you hop on.

CousinGreg55 · 28/10/2023 22:33

I'm surprised at all these replies saying go for it when he is in a relationship

WhateverMate · 28/10/2023 22:35

Have I strolled into a different universe??

Someone shows compassion for a woman in a pretty serious car accident, and some people are actually encouraging her to use the witness's phone number that was given in good faith, to letch over them??

I don't know what's more unbelievable, the OP or the replies.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2023 22:37

Createausername1970 · 28/10/2023 22:33

Watched a Christmas film earlier today, and the message was "if God sends a sleigh, get on it"

The background was a story told by one of the characters in the film. Traveller was stranded in the snow, along came a stranger in a sleigh, offered the traveller a lift. Traveller refused, said God would help him. Three times the traveller was offered help, three time he declined saying God would help him. He died in the snow and when he got to the pearly gates he remonstrated with God, wanting to know why God hadn't saved him. God said "I sent three sleighs, what more did you want?"

So, this could be your sleigh ride. You won't know unless you hop on.

God would inject a man into the op's life, who is already in a relationship, so he could cheat to start shagging her? Sounds like something god would do, honestly.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 28/10/2023 22:37

Jesus fucking christ !!

Horriblewoman · 28/10/2023 22:37

So you’re in a serious enough collision with a school bus to require hospitalisation but you still managed to clock that a total stranger’s girlfriend is cold or has been arguing, to the extent that you know want to text a Good Samaritan to ask him out?

I’d expect any reasonable human being would give you eye contact to reassure you in a traumatic situation and ask if you’re ok.

This reaction is bizarre, as are the others telling you to go for it.