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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car crash romance- wrong or right?

109 replies

Messymummy84 · 28/10/2023 22:18

Looking for some perspective here. Single mum, happily divorced and diligently dating. I was involved in a collision last week, absolutely not my fault and several witnesses who agreed I couldn’t have avoided it. Was fairly nasty, my vehicle written off and a few people in hospital but thankfully no one died. Now my dilemma is this: one of the witnesses who stopped was really attractive and there was instant chemistry between us. I’m talking lingering eye contact, hand on shoulder, ‘are you really ok?’ type interaction. But he was in the car with his girlfriend who seemed cold and maybe like they’d been arguing or weren’t really very into each other. As we all swapped details, I’m wondering if it’s unreasonable to message him, with romantic intentions, given the obvious connection we shared. I feel like these things happen for a reason and our universes collided, as my car collided with the school minibus. I’ve been dating on and off for nearly 3 years now and I haven’t felt anything like this. I can’t stop thinking about him and really want to send him a message but I haven’t yet. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 28/10/2023 22:37

Ok, so I don't believe in God, or woo.

But does God /the universe REALLY injure, to the point of hospitalisation, schoolchildren, just so someone can meet their soulmate?

But hey! No one died!

user1471517900 · 28/10/2023 22:39

I hope this thread stays up. It's magnificent.

Maybe the universe wants you to hook up with his girlfriend as well? Maybe the universe is drunk, horny and voyeuristic tonight.

Fionaville · 28/10/2023 22:39

So, a man was kind to you because you'd been in a car accident. He showed genuine concern and you take that as flirting? It sounds like you haven't met many kind and nice men.
Not surprising, when you think going after a man who you think was flirting with you in front of his girlfriend, is a good choice.

TotalOverhaul · 28/10/2023 22:41

I suspect you were flooded with shock chemicals that made you think he was rare. if you met him on a normal day, he might not seem so special. You could text him and say thank you for your kindness, see if he replies. But as PP said, if he is quick to cheat on a current girlfriend he is not a catch.

HIC2020 · 28/10/2023 22:45

He has a girlfriend!! I think you need to leave well alone! It's not fate or some meant to be moment, it was a car crash and someone showed you some compassion. Best leave well alone and focus on real life not a made up in your head fairy tale

WhateverMate · 28/10/2023 22:47

TheSpottedZebra · 28/10/2023 22:37

Ok, so I don't believe in God, or woo.

But does God /the universe REALLY injure, to the point of hospitalisation, schoolchildren, just so someone can meet their soulmate?

But hey! No one died!

Yeah, why didn't he just stop at dating apps? 🤔

Lemonyyy · 28/10/2023 22:49

What the actual fuck did I just read???

Fourlegsandatail · 28/10/2023 22:49

This is not a ‘meet cute’, he has a girlfriend. He also has OPs contact details and has done nothing with them because… HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!

Aquestioningmind · 28/10/2023 22:55

Jesus. You were in an accident and adrenaline was pumping. You’ve romanticised this in your mind over the course of a week likely because you’re still in shock/not focussing on what really happened/not processing.

Get a grip and focus on your kid and not on making a tit out of yourself.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 28/10/2023 22:56

If you know for certain she is his gf then don't contact him. If she might be a sister, colleague etc then send a very casual "thanks for being so kind" message

SkaneTos · 28/10/2023 23:00

So he and his girlfriend seemed like they "weren’t really very into each other"... Okeeeyyy...

NO!

Bluela18 · 28/10/2023 23:05

He was probably shaken up and concerned. I doubt romance was on his mind during an incident like this. However, if you genuinely feel there was a connection, why not message just to ask how they are doing after the incident and you wanted to thank him for his concern that day. See where it leads?

DuplicateUserName · 28/10/2023 23:08

Why did you all swap details anyway, instead of witnesses just giving them to police?

You'd be seriously out of line to misuse the details he gave you in this way.

FelicityFlops · 28/10/2023 23:09

How do you know it was his girlfriend?
How do you have contact details?
Try it out, but be prepared for no response.

JaneAustensHeroine · 28/10/2023 23:09

Wow. Not sure about a vehicle collision. I think someone’s fantasy world has collided with reality here.

Just no.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/10/2023 23:12

Createausername1970 · 28/10/2023 22:33

Watched a Christmas film earlier today, and the message was "if God sends a sleigh, get on it"

The background was a story told by one of the characters in the film. Traveller was stranded in the snow, along came a stranger in a sleigh, offered the traveller a lift. Traveller refused, said God would help him. Three times the traveller was offered help, three time he declined saying God would help him. He died in the snow and when he got to the pearly gates he remonstrated with God, wanting to know why God hadn't saved him. God said "I sent three sleighs, what more did you want?"

So, this could be your sleigh ride. You won't know unless you hop on.

You think God sent a dude with a girlfriend and orchestrated a car accident involving school children and hospitalisations just to get OP a bloke? I mean I'm sure if God was bothered about her love life, he'd trip her over a leaf and he'd catch her in his arms having that morning dumped his girlfriend.

TwinkleDinkleStarDar · 28/10/2023 23:19

Omg 😂😂😂 This cant be real?

I think your right. It's clearly meant to be. Go for it . I can only imagine hes been waiting for you to message him as him and his girlfriend just arnt into each other.

Maybe their just not the sort of couple to be all over each other after watching a horrific car crash? Maybe that's not what gets them going? Maybe, in a few years, you and him will watch a car crash happen and then he will instantly fall in love with a stranger. Maybe this is what he does?

Or maybe he was just a nice man being kind to someone who had been in a car crash

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/10/2023 23:25

So if you were seeing somebody seriously, as he had a crash, would you be happy if the crash victim started to chase him romantically?

Blueeyedmale · 28/10/2023 23:31

Wtf seriously no he has a gf don't even go there,just imagine a man posting this and asking if he should contact a woman who has a partner don't think there would be one "go for it" response

snackatack · 28/10/2023 23:32

How do you know they were BF - GF?

ACGTHelix · 28/10/2023 23:32

Blueeyedmale · 28/10/2023 23:31

Wtf seriously no he has a gf don't even go there,just imagine a man posting this and asking if he should contact a woman who has a partner don't think there would be one "go for it" response

this is mumsnet

Lysianthus · 28/10/2023 23:34

Have read a few replies but....
My view: for goodness sake, get a grip. You were in a crash. Emotions are heightened. That's it! The bloke who was with their partner (who may or may not have also been in shock!) is not available.
I hope you get good insurance advice and you manage to get over it.

mumda · 28/10/2023 23:35

Was it wine-o-clock when the op posted?

A relaxed view is to thank him for his kindness.

Ffsnotaconference · 28/10/2023 23:37

This ridiculous.

but I am so shocked that people really try and justify piss poor behaviour with ‘I think it was meant to be’ or ‘god must have sent a sleigh’

Since when did god ever hurt people so a random can crack onto someone in a relationship?