To be sad none of my friends offered to help me move?

133 replies

tvenclines · 28/10/2023 14:31

Pretty much that
I live alone and the only family I have is my dad but he is late 80s.
I've had 4 days to pack up my 2 bed house and move.
Not one of my friends has offered to move
Or even ask how I'm getting on with the packing.

Both of my good friends I've helped before
One of them I spent two days when she moved scraping woodchip off her walls
The other I helped her pack up to move

I've just been left
I'm feeling overwhelmed
I really could of done with some help
I don't want to ask for it-they know I need it
They know my circumstances
Aibu ?

OP posts:

Ithouught · 29/10/2023 04:43

🤗Is it possible that you come across as so busy that people think best to stay out of your way right now and don’t know that you do need help or maybe need to be asked for specific type of help? Or maybe have no idea what they can actually help with until you say specifically

WandaWonder · 29/10/2023 04:45

So you asked for help and they said no?

Ponderingwindow · 29/10/2023 04:56

I haven’t helped anyone move since we were in our early 20s and we were living very spartan in terms of belongings because we were broke and still moving constantly. At this point in my life, unless a friend or family member said something, I would just expect that they had hired someone to handle the move.

Autiebibliophile · 29/10/2023 05:47

When you helped people move did you offer or did they ask? I wouldn't offer unless I was aware the person was struggling. I'd assume they were sorted unless they asked

laceydoily · 29/10/2023 09:03

JellyKoala · 28/10/2023 18:34

But we don't know the context. Did OP help them move 10 years ago from a 1 bed flat when they were all in their 20s and didn't have DC or other responsibilities, didn't have money for movers and there was several weeks to plan?

Circumstances change. People change. And OP said they had 4 days to pack up a 2 bed flat. Most people even if in their 20s wouldn't necessarily be able to drop everything with that short notice. They might do if asked, but they haven't been! OPs only family being their Dad who is in his 80s suggests they are likely not in their 20s.

Depression rates aren't high because people aren't psychic and know their friends expect something of them that they haven't actually asked for help with.

Edited

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I agree with this 100%. When you are in your 20s, you often have very minimal stuff to move. When you get to 30+ its often large pieces of furniture like 3 piece sofas and large wardrobes etc. I adore my friends but I couldnt help move stuff like that because I've had issues with my back and if I hurt it, it would mean taking weeks off work, not to mention the pain and discomfort etc.

You cannot just assume that people are ok to handle heavy boxes etc

I'd be more than happy to help with smaller things but I would also expect them to ask me. If someone told me "I'm moving on X date" I'd assume they were hiring a removal company unless they specifically told me otherwise. You cannot expect people to read your minds. Its great that you helped others move but you cant assume that others can do the same. Friendship isnt like that- just because I cant move boxes, doesnt mean I dont do many other lovely things for my friends or that I dont care about them.

Use your words. Its far better to ask for help than to secretly seethe that people arent able to just "know" what you need because if you carry on doing that, you're going to end up feeling resentful of a LOT of people in your life I'm afraid.

Tatumm · 29/10/2023 09:15

Depends on what you’re asking them to do. Had you booked a removal firm? If you haven’t, it’s a big ask, particularly if you have furniture to move. People cannot risk being injured and being unable to work, especially if they are not used to heavy lifting, and they know that it will be a long day. They will feel obliged to stay until you’re all moved in if they help.

SM4713 · 29/10/2023 09:21

OP is clearly far too busy packing to bother coming back to the post!

UsingChangeofName · 29/10/2023 19:22

@JellyKoala 's post at 20:29 yesterday is spot on.
Reflects the things I read on here all the time, from people who have trouble with the relationships they have with their friends. Or, so often, people who then say they have no friends. So well put.

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