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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad none of my friends offered to help me move?

133 replies

tvenclines · 28/10/2023 14:31

Pretty much that
I live alone and the only family I have is my dad but he is late 80s.
I've had 4 days to pack up my 2 bed house and move.
Not one of my friends has offered to move
Or even ask how I'm getting on with the packing.

Both of my good friends I've helped before
One of them I spent two days when she moved scraping woodchip off her walls
The other I helped her pack up to move

I've just been left
I'm feeling overwhelmed
I really could of done with some help
I don't want to ask for it-they know I need it
They know my circumstances
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 28/10/2023 15:55

I don't want to ask for it-they know I need it

Unless they are mindreaders, they don't.

Schlurp · 28/10/2023 15:57

Some people grow up with norms of help being offered, others that help is asked for. Try asking them.

Ginmonkeyagain · 28/10/2023 16:01

When I and my friends moved a lot in our twenties and didn't have a load of stuff, it was common to ask friends to help you move in return for some beer and a takeaway.

Now we are all grown adults with a lot of stuff it is generally expected that people hire professional movers.

Cotswoldbee · 28/10/2023 16:04

Did you have a removal company in or DIY?

If a company then I would say you are best left alone otherwise along with the removal people, additional people milling around not knowing where things are to be put can be a hindrance.
If DIY then maybe you just needed to ask as they may have thought you had it all in hand? Maybe they would have been willing if asked?

Moved twice in the past couple of years (full house moves with outbuildings, plants, garden furniture, the lot) and we had no help packing (much preferred to do that ourselves) and got removers in both times to move everything.
No-one asked to help and we didn't expect or want them to.

Jamorjelly · 28/10/2023 16:05

I think it’s quite unusual to help people move, I’ve only ever known the mover do it, with a removal service if they have a lot of stuff.

stardust777 · 28/10/2023 16:07

Moving is awful at the best of times, and can feel even more so if you've got no support. Definitely ask for help when you need it. Given you've helped your friends move in the past, don't think it would be cheeky to ask if they can return the favour (although they might not be able to if they've got a lot on).

Salie68x · 28/10/2023 16:07

From personal experience I helped 2 good friends with various things, serious health issues, relationship problems, including one friend moving. When I needed help, both with personal issues Including a downsize move, neither would help, despite me asking.
Sadly I think if you are a helpful person, you can easily get taken advantage of. I am so much less helpful now and though it goes against my nature I try not to offer. Its not always a case of repricocity, but it does hurt to give so much to others and get nothing back.

Beautiful3 · 28/10/2023 16:15

I used removals for mine. I started packing up a month in advance, and tipped alot. You could ask if they could help? I'd stop offering help, when it's not reciprocated.

edwinbear · 28/10/2023 16:15

We always use packers to pack for us when we’ve moved. It’s a horrible job and getting the removal company to pack for you, in our experience, only adds c.£200-300 to the cost. Money well spent in our view.

Meeting · 28/10/2023 16:18

YABU. If you want help then ask for it.

loseweightpleasegod · 28/10/2023 16:20

You know who your real friends are at times like these.

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2023 16:22

Have they helped you move before? I've got certain friends that I'll never hemp move again as they were so unprepared on move day it was an absolute nightmare.

ohdamnitjanet · 28/10/2023 16:24

I’ve moved a lot, it can be overwhelming. Normally I have to do it by myself, but on the odd occasion help has been offered I’ve been on my bended knees with gratitude. I can’t imagine not offering to help a good friend, who had no other help, even if I REALLY didn’t want to.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/10/2023 16:24

They may be assuming you don't need help because you haven't asked?

Lucy377 · 28/10/2023 16:26

"I don't want to ask for it-they know I need it"

Do they know though?
People are not mind readers.

If you never want to ask for help, then that's a serious obstacle to you getting help from others.

TravellingT · 28/10/2023 16:26

Well sorry honey but very few people have the skill of mind reading. You sound like a martyr and they probably avoided helping on purpose

Abitofalark · 28/10/2023 16:28

Having helped them move, it's perfectly understandable that you'd expect them to offer to help you with your move. You shouldn't have to ask in those circumstances. It's an ordeal doing a move, especially on your own and they ought to be capable of recognising that.

DaughterNo2 · 28/10/2023 16:28

Have you asked for some help?

FallingAutumnLeaf · 28/10/2023 16:28

YABU.
I pay so I dont have to pack and move my own stuff. I'd assume you were either not wanting people going through your things or had arranged removals.

Oblomov23 · 28/10/2023 16:30

Would never occur to me to offer. And I'm the first to offer help if I think someone would like it.

JellyKoala · 28/10/2023 16:31

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2023 16:22

Have they helped you move before? I've got certain friends that I'll never hemp move again as they were so unprepared on move day it was an absolute nightmare.

That happened to me. Some friends asked for help on moving day, said it would be mostly done and they just needed some help with carrying a few boxes and then we'd go to the pub (we were in our 20s).

When I arrived at 8am, they were still in bed, had barely packed a box and had done zero cleaning whatsoever. I ended up doing cleaning most of their entire huge flat single-handedly while they faffed around being stressed. We didn't get to the pub as there was too much to do, and they thought the takeaway pizza I had a slice of while washing their skirting boards was an adequate reward lol.

Never again.

WallaceinAnderland · 28/10/2023 16:38

How did you move your furniture? I don't think I could pick up my sofa, let alone carry it on my own.

TheaBrandt · 28/10/2023 16:42

It’s a massive ask and horrible job. We didn’t even move ourselves we got a removal company. Wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask busy adults with jobs and families to undertake a massive crap tedious job for me.

Lastchancechica · 28/10/2023 16:43

It was too quick op. I couldn’t drop everything at such short notice.

billy1966 · 28/10/2023 16:45

Would this be the first time they would be returning the favour?

If it is and you have helped them, it is best you ask.

Pity they didn't offer, but ask.

Now know YOU don't need to offer in future.