AIBU my partner messages another woman every day saying they love each other and I want him to stop.

[DebbieAdams]

I have been with my partner 2 months and noticed he is often on his phone. One day it was left on the side and I looked through his recent messages which I know is wrong but something made me do it. He is messaging another woman every single day, they talk about everything life work children, plans for the future and they say they love each other. I'm at a complete loss what to now do and how to go about confronting this?

I think you can politely and kindly say ‘I like you a lot, and I can see a future for us, but I intuit that your heart isn’t completely in this. I know you invest a lot of time and emotional energy into your relationship with - and it’s not my place at all to judge that. But it feels like there isn’t space for the sort of relationship I’m looking for.

For goodness sake. Of course you know how to deal with this.

This can't be real, can it?

Either he is actually in love with this woman and they had an affair and she is the mother of his child and he decided to keep all this from you.

Or you are missing a huge part out like, she is a relative or something and your insecurities are running away with yourself.

Or perhaps a third option. They are long friends, they do love each other platonic and you are also quite insecure and seeing things that aren't there (like how her so looks like his son) and filling in some gaps, quite incorrectly.

To be honest, any of these isn't going to make for a good relationship

For goodness sake, are you kidding.

What you do is at the very least have a conversation about his relationship with this woman. What is the nature of their relationship, does he love her romantically or in a familial way,....

Realistically it sounds like he is too emotionally invested in this other woman to be in a relationship with you.

But no, the sensible response is not to just hope it goes away and works out ok in the end.

Bloody hell OP.
Up your bar!

FGS just ask him what's going on and then get rid soon as. At 8 weeks you can scarcely call it a relationship. Have some self respect.

What?! Does nobody else here have good friends? Ask him about her.

Um, really? Her youngest daughter looks like his children?

If this is real, you need to walk away now. Quickly.

This post is just a wind up.

I’m going to come at this at a different angle. I chat to my bestie (male) about everything. We’ve both had difficult trauma and mental health issues and have connected and helped each other on our journeys, building each other up and supporting each other in a beautiful way. We say we love each other because we do, as friends in a way that other friends just don’t get. This in no way is romantic or threatening to our romantic relationships, we just have a serious bond due to what we’ve been through. Don’t assume the worst if you don’t have the information.

Debbie, I suspect you’re on the wind-up 😂

Everyone ‘dump him’
OP ‘yeah I’ll just ignore it and carry on’

What a wind up!

Am I alone in reporting this thread?

Partner, 2 months, really he is not your partner !

Er..hello??!
He doesn't treat you well. He tells another woman he loves her everyday!!

DUMP HIM

Dump him. Clearly.

Also, he's not your partner after two months. He's a casual boyfriend who you hardly know.

I’ve a male best mate type. We message daily talk about everything and I have no desire to shag him whatsoever because I love my husband. My husband is friends with him too. This is all possible because we’re grownups and secure in our relationships. So either ask him about her and make sure that it is platonic, or leave it all be.

If you read through mine and my DH texts, there isn’t actually any messages about sex/relationships but absolutely doesn’t mean neither are happening!

He’s not your partner after two months, just dump him.

Why isn't he with that other woman - who is possibly father of one of her children? Why bother with you? Any guesses? Is she married?

It sounds like your the bit on the side to her bit on the side. She won't leave her husband so he wants to bolster his ego.

Leave him. He's never going to be yours. Wind back to being friends WITHOUT benefits. Keeping the status quo is a one way ticket to a world of pain.

@DebbieAdams
This obviously isn't working for you. After only 2 months of dating, he should not even know with any certainty if he loves you. She may just be a very close friend. Have you never said to a close male friend " I love you "?

Whatever his motivation or the circumstances surrounding their friendship/relationship, it is obvious that you are bothered by it. The simplest solution is for you 2 to return to your previous friend relationship. Who knows when" something " will move you" to need to sneak a peek again? That is no way to conduct a relationship.

I think the most salient red flag in this imaginary relationship is the gf going through the bf's phone after 8 short weeks...🐇🔪🔪🔪

@Thepeopleversuswork
So many times on here it's my best friend has a new boyfriend and I never here from her.
And everyone piles on to say what a shit she is to put a man before mates?
How is this situation any different- just because the partners friend is female???

So far with all the info from the OP nothing seems sexual, just friendly and her imagination that her child looks like his.....which is reaching.....a lot, unless there is a lot of background info missing.

Plus I don't read my husbands messages unless he asks me to - it's not forbidden, I have his password as he does mine. But I wouldn't secretly go through his phone. I wouldn't like him to go through mine...mainly because I have a group with 2 girlfriend which is just madness in gif form