Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU my partner messages another woman every day saying they love each other and I want him to stop.

131 replies

DebbieAdams · 28/10/2023 14:22

I have been with my partner 2 months and noticed he is often on his phone. One day it was left on the side and I looked through his recent messages which I know is wrong but something made me do it. He is messaging another woman every single day, they talk about everything life work children, plans for the future and they say they love each other. I'm at a complete loss what to now do and how to go about confronting this?

OP posts:
Original poster
DebbieAdams · 28/10/2023 14:47

Although we have been official for 8 weeks we have known and been friends for 5+ years. I've always known there was a friend in the background he says they known each other nearly 20 years and she has a family though her youngest dc looks very similar to his dc. I was just taken aback by the saying I love you as I think anyone would? But there was not any talk of sex or relationship so I'm confused and feel I betrayed his trust by looking.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 28/10/2023 14:49

May I ask OP how old you are? It's been JUST two months. Bin the cheating fucker, life's too short x

oscarmike · 28/10/2023 14:50

I initially misread this as “massages” another woman and was horrified. But also it’s been two months, it’s not going to get better, bin him

YouJustDoYou · 28/10/2023 14:50

DebbieAdams · 28/10/2023 14:47

Although we have been official for 8 weeks we have known and been friends for 5+ years. I've always known there was a friend in the background he says they known each other nearly 20 years and she has a family though her youngest dc looks very similar to his dc. I was just taken aback by the saying I love you as I think anyone would? But there was not any talk of sex or relationship so I'm confused and feel I betrayed his trust by looking.

OP, he's showing you who he is. He's just proven to you he a) doesn't have love for you or respect, b) doesn't care about you, c) seeing someone else. Cut your losses now. You are WORTH MORE than to be treated like this.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/10/2023 14:51

Oh come on op! He’s cheating. You are, in fact, the OW. Get rid.

itsgettingweird · 28/10/2023 14:52

What are you confused about?

You've been together 2 months. End it and find someone who deserves you and wants to spend their future with you.

AuroraForever · 28/10/2023 14:52

Ditch him. He will always love her, not you. He's only with you because for whatever reason he can’t be with her.

AgnesX · 28/10/2023 14:53

Seriously, two months in? Not long enough to be a partner. Dump him.

LividTwunt · 28/10/2023 14:53

Oh for fuck’s sake.

I’m normally a very tolerant person but this is me done with the internet for today.

On the tiny chance that this is real and you are an actual cognisant adult, grow a fucking spine, honestly.

ArcaneWireless · 28/10/2023 14:54

Nah. Sod that.

AIBU my partner messages another woman every day saying they love each other and I want him to stop.
saffronsoup · 28/10/2023 14:55

Is this a long time female friend he has had? People do talk to long time friends and family about their lives and continue to do so while dating. It could be completely innocent. Nothing you say shows any indication that this is more than that.

Bu you have only been dating two months. Break up. But be clear going forward that you do not allow your partners to have close female friends.

Nanny0gg · 28/10/2023 14:56

saffronsoup · 28/10/2023 14:55

Is this a long time female friend he has had? People do talk to long time friends and family about their lives and continue to do so while dating. It could be completely innocent. Nothing you say shows any indication that this is more than that.

Bu you have only been dating two months. Break up. But be clear going forward that you do not allow your partners to have close female friends.

they talk about everything life work children, plans for the future and they say they love each other.

Yep.

Totally innocent

Penguinsmum · 28/10/2023 14:56

Come on! Raise your standards and dump him! Don't you deserve better than this?

UpUpUpU · 28/10/2023 14:58

When do you go back to school Op?

Delatron · 28/10/2023 14:59

He’s not really your partner is he if it’s only been a few months. I mean he sounds awful but not sure what you mean when you say you don’t know what to do? Pretty obvious he’s not a keeper…

viques · 28/10/2023 14:59

Hmmmm. So there is this mysterious friend, the mother of his child/ren , and you his “partner “ of two months.

Imagine that you are all in a hot air balloon together and for some technical reason he has to toss one of you three out of the basket. Who do you think it would be? And why?

Jellybean23 · 28/10/2023 15:00

There's nothing difficult here - you finish with him. He has feelings for this woman but not for you.

saffronsoup · 28/10/2023 15:02

Nanny0gg · 28/10/2023 14:56

they talk about everything life work children, plans for the future and they say they love each other.

Yep.

Totally innocent

Show quote history

Do you not have non romantic / non sexual people in your life that you talk to about life, work, children, the future and that you love?

I have probably 8-10 of these people in my life so for me the idea of someone I keep in touch with and update on life and love as a friend / family is innocent. I wouldn't assume if a woman or man told me they chat with someone about life and say love you - that it means they are sleeping with them or in a romantic relationship.

If a new partner (of any length but especially two months) told me I was not allowed to talk to others about my life or kids or work or future plans and that I am not allowed to say love you to anyone else or else they would break up with me - I would dump them too - so in this case probably better for both parties.

CJsGoldfish · 28/10/2023 15:03

2 months and you are at "a complete loss" Really?

Are you THAT desperate?

jazzyfips · 28/10/2023 15:05

Get rid asap

IAmtheVampiresWife · 28/10/2023 15:06
Run Forest GIF by HBO India

This

Thelnebriati · 28/10/2023 15:07

Throw away the whole man and start over with someone else.

AIBU my partner messages another woman every day saying they love each other and I want him to stop.
Mummy08m · 28/10/2023 15:11

saffronsoup · 28/10/2023 15:02

Do you not have non romantic / non sexual people in your life that you talk to about life, work, children, the future and that you love?

I have probably 8-10 of these people in my life so for me the idea of someone I keep in touch with and update on life and love as a friend / family is innocent. I wouldn't assume if a woman or man told me they chat with someone about life and say love you - that it means they are sleeping with them or in a romantic relationship.

If a new partner (of any length but especially two months) told me I was not allowed to talk to others about my life or kids or work or future plans and that I am not allowed to say love you to anyone else or else they would break up with me - I would dump them too - so in this case probably better for both parties.

Show quote history

Do you text those close friends every single day??

Sure I have some good friends and we occasionally have long deep chats about our life plans and yes I'd say I love them, I am very affectionate with words.

But everyday? No way. More like twice a month

DaftyLass · 28/10/2023 15:13

I wouldn't waste another moment of your life on him, out him out with the rest of the trash

SkyFullofStars1975 · 28/10/2023 15:13

He's just not that into you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread