This kid really is annoying but my cousin wants support. AIBU to deny it?

[AxioCheese]

My cousin has a 9 yr old son. He's sweet but really annoying. Constantly jiggling up and down, interrupting conversations and trying to join in when he can't do whatever it is.
My cousin says he is being bullied at school because other kids won't play with him and say he is annoying.

Obviously I'm not there but it doesn't sound like bullying. Just that they are normal kids who want to play with their friends and not be interrupted all the time.

My cousin is upset because I won't take her 'side' in all this.

Should I pretend I don't notice the way he is and just give her moral support? My family think I should but it feels wrong. AIBU to stick to my guns?

Also in case it is relevant he's been assessed for ADHD and hasn't got a diagnosis.

It does sound like he has some SEN and ADHD is the first to come to mind

Exclusion IS bullying, OP.

Is there no way to deflect? Why is it so important for her for you to take a side in this? She should be seeking appropriate support for his needs and your opinion has nothing to do with it.

Yes, just give her moral support. She doesn’t need to know you think her child is irritating and deserves to be left out at school playtimes. She can teach him not to interrupt but she can’t change his personality.

So every child should play with every other. Even if they don't want to.
If I were playing football with my friends and then someone kept on picking up the ball so that they could join in I'd be pretty annoyed and now want to play with them.

Is that really bullying?

As a parent of a child currently being assessed for ADHD, this is depressing. Excluded for traits he largely can't help.

So she is concerned for her child, her child is suffering from being excluded by his peers, and your biggest concern proving a point and being 'right'???

Stick to your guns OP. Make sure she knows you need to be right and that is more important than her or her son so she can start going NC with you.

100% agree

'Not' not now. Autocorrect is a pain.

You sound awful. The kid obviously has something going on and the way you speak about him his awful. Hope you are blessed with "normal" kids (your words, not mine) so you don't have to understand what that feels like

If that is simply he is, I'd say yes, its bullying.

I remember being that kid. Not ADHD.

Kids would gang up with others to ensure that ONE kid was excluded from pretty much all groups or does he have anybody to hang out with?

If he has a group of friends to play with, YANBU. If he doesn't, yes its bullying.

I can see your cousin's point of view, and I can also see why you don't want to pretend he isn't annoying.

Offer some sympathetic noises and try and change the subject smoothly. If she challenges you just say you don't know enough but you are confident of her parenting abilities to discuss the problem with the school etc. Unless she just wants a safe place to vent...?

What support is your cousin asking for?

Have you got kids yourself OP?
I can't think of a 9yo who doesn't have annoying traits, when judged by adult behaviour. They don't always know when not to interrupt or how to manage social situations.

Has he been assessed for ASD? Talking over people, not being good at conversation turn taking, other kids his age finding him annoying - they all suggest he is struggling with social skills. ASD often becomes much more apparent as they start to get towards secondary school age and the emotional immaturity and poor social skills really start to show in comparison to their peers.

You don't have to pretend you don't notice his behaviour, just have a lot more empathy for a child that may well have SEN and understand that being ostracised and left out is very upsetting even if you don't see it as bullying.

Being the mother of "that child " is crushing awful and soul destroying.

Yes Yabu to not
Simply support someone in pain . Mean . Not surprised you can't see it as bullying if you're that unsympathetic to someone else's feelings.

Purposefully excluding one child over and over again is bullying, yes.

I remember seeing a C4 show about 4 10or11 year old boys over the course of a summer. It was to help them as they had issues making friends (shyness, being annoying etc)

One was very sweet but other kids didn't like him because he was "annoying" working with the specialists he understood what bits of his behaviour were repelling peers and they gave him some tips and strategies on how to socialise / invite play and friendships.

At the end of the summer when they they went back to school he said it was really great and he was making friends now and could see how he was annoyed before and so happy his parent sent him. It was really lovely to see the personal growth.

I genuinely think the right thing is sometimes the hard thing.
Ot sounds like he needs someone to clearly outline what is putting other children off.

I think you can empathise with how hard it to see your child unhappy. And maybe encourage her to think about strategies she can offer him to help him while maintaining your "truth" which is the reality of it is people aren't attracted to annoying behaviour.

Not wanting to spend time with an unpleasant and irritating individual is not bullying.

Could be autism if it's not ADHD. My autistic DD also doesn't know when it's her turn to speak and fidgets/jiggles continuously. Add in friendship issues and it's worth considering.

I'm a bit confused about what you're asking. Why is it that you need to be involved/comment on the situation at all?

Even Op says he is sweet.

If he has SEN, which tbh frm what OP has said, it sounds like he has and he is being excluded because of these traits, it absolutely is bullying.

Where does it say he's unpleasant?

And his mother will know he's annoying

I knew my asd son was annoying. It didn't stop me feeling crushed for him when he couldn't make friends . Sounds like that little boy might need some help in learning things like turn taking , not interrupting, other people's feelings etc .

My son is grown up now and the sweetest person ever . He's also more successful than his school mates have ended up being .

Not wanting to play with kids they find irritating is not bullying. Most adults avoid spending time with people they find annoying for all sorts of reasons (all the DMIL threads are perfect examples!). Why do we expect different from children? They’re allowed to say no thank you.

However it does sound like he’s having a hard time of it and she wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect some support for him from both school and family.

Would you say the same if he was in a wheelchair? Goady as fuck.