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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to end things over this text?

256 replies

DoYouAgree · 27/10/2023 22:22

Been with boyfriend a year and a half.
Both have dc and live separately which I think suits us both. I can't Imagine blending families.
I feel we have a nice balance seeing each other once or twice a week.

The issue is I've felt for a long time as though he's happy enough with me but he's not with me because it's me if that makes any sense. Like I'm an easy option.

We've been on a night out tonight and I've seen his lads WhatsApp group (fyi they're all on their mid 40s) and someone has said on there 'ffs how is she with you -' and he'd replied 'chat shit, get Pussy' , I mean is that not horrible, be bad enough from a 25 year old but a 45 year old after 18 months of being together. (I'm about 6 years younger if that makes any difference to the scenario).

I've felt a lot that there's not enough affection, love etc but he's made me feel clingy:needy for ever referencing that. And I've only brought that up 3 times in a year and a half including tonight and nothings changed.

Aibu to end things over that message? I mean it's just grim but also I'm really really sad.

OP posts:
baileybrosbuildingandloan · 28/10/2023 07:05

Paddingtonthebear · 27/10/2023 22:57

He is saying that he knows what to say to you to reel you in and get what he wants (sex).

Urgh.

I mean, I do think most men are like this to be honest. But if you are already having doubts about him then this is the final nail isn’t it?

ironic that he’s giving it the big one to his mates, but they clearly know he’s not in your league!

Goodness!
Do you have sons?

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 28/10/2023 07:06

Cheeesus · 27/10/2023 22:58

I don’t read it that way.

How did you get her?

He answers, You chat shit and you get pussy.

To chat shit means to talk bollocks or nonsense, he’s not saying the chat is shit. So he either means he’s made stuff up, or that they’ve just been waffling about this and that. Could mean nothing bad.

That's exactly what he means. It's horrid.

Viviennemary · 28/10/2023 07:09

End things. That is vile.

CloudyAgain · 28/10/2023 07:10

It really does sound like he just considers you as a placeholder until someone else comes along.

I'd not waste any more of your precious time on this misogynistic tosser.

I am so sorry. But yes - you really DO deserve better than this.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 28/10/2023 07:11

When you do end it, make sure you explain that it’s because he’s a childish twat who makes your vagina clamp shut rather than saying it’s because he’s not into you enough

Zonder · 28/10/2023 07:13

I would wonder why the mate said
'ffs how is she with you'
That sounds like they don't like you and he was going along with that.

Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 07:15

Zonder · 28/10/2023 07:13

I would wonder why the mate said
'ffs how is she with you'
That sounds like they don't like you and he was going along with that.

I interpreted it as they think she's far too good for him.

It was a daft text and if he was drunk there's no clear way to decipher gobbledegook

CloudyAgain · 28/10/2023 07:16

I interpreted it as they think she is too good for him BUT that he has also behaved badly in a way that they know about but she does not. (Cheating, or speaking in an even worse manner about her).

matleavelove · 28/10/2023 07:17

I'd write "chat shit, get dumped"

Zonder · 28/10/2023 07:22

Oh you are probably right @Tonight1
@CloudyAgain that's even more worrying.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 28/10/2023 07:23

matleavelove · 28/10/2023 07:17

I'd write "chat shit, get dumped"

Perfect

Ladymarycrawley1920 · 28/10/2023 07:23

@EmmaEmerald no of course we don’t need men like that, which I why I said it was grim and disrespectful and op didn’t have to accept it.
@Mamma2017 vile isn’t it? But once you become “one of the lads” which basically means they know they’ve got no chance with you so they don’t need to filter what they say…..it’s enlightening to say the least. And not in a good way!!!

Diyextension · 28/10/2023 07:28

My interpretation of that is they think the op is too good looking for him, ( him being ugly ) and his reply was if you talk to them right ,you can get attractive ladies. It was just said in mens crude language.

pussy is a slag term for attractive girl/ woman. Its also a term for something else, depends which way you look at it .

If he had put “get munter” then id be worried op 🤣

Autiebibliophile · 28/10/2023 07:31

I read it as;

"Why is she with you"?

"She chats shit, but it's worth it for the sex"

I don't care if it is banter. It's disrespectful and rude. And given how he treats you it sound like he might have meant it. You definitely deserve better.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 28/10/2023 07:38

I wouldn’t break up over that one text.

Him and his friends know that he’s punching above his weight by being with you and he had the hump, either with you or with the friend for bringing it up, so he gave a childish response.

He didn’t say anything bad about you but I can see why you’d be upset like you’re just his sex toy but he was just being an arse because he was in a bad mood with his friend/you.

We all text our friends (or post on MN) and vent about our partners, so I wouldn’t break up for this reason alone.

But I would break up for all of the other reasons you’ve mentioned and find someone who actually appreciates you.

The text sounds like the final nail in the coffin and I don’t blame you.

roarrfeckingroar · 28/10/2023 07:42

It would depend how he is. If my ex said that it would make me laugh because he's really not a lad type and it would be said as a joke/ironically. However if you're not happfbworunuim

roarrfeckingroar · 28/10/2023 07:43

^^with him in general and he doesn't make you feel special and loved then you should end it.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 28/10/2023 07:43

I think some people are confused over the text.

His mate asked how you were with him - as in because you’re too good for him.

Then he sent a childish reply saying “chat shit, get pussy”

So basically he has charmed his way into your bed, using his words.

He is probably well aware that you are too good for him and his friends have probably said about it too a few times and it annoys him because he’s insecure about it, so acts like a dick when they bring it up.

That text alone is not that bad.

The texts before that however, possibly could have been.

Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 07:43

Diyextension · 28/10/2023 07:28

My interpretation of that is they think the op is too good looking for him, ( him being ugly ) and his reply was if you talk to them right ,you can get attractive ladies. It was just said in mens crude language.

pussy is a slag term for attractive girl/ woman. Its also a term for something else, depends which way you look at it .

If he had put “get munter” then id be worried op 🤣

OMG you have just brought back a memory of being a teen and the boys were talking about 'pick a pig' at nightclubs. I was so horrified I couldn't speak. People come out with some weird, disgusting shit

roarrfeckingroar · 28/10/2023 07:46

DesparatePragmatist · 27/10/2023 23:03

I would translate it thusly:

Mate: wow, how is someone like you with someone like her?

Partner: if you have the gift of the gab you can overcome not being the most handsome chap and win the fair lady

So I wouldn't dump him over it - but I would ask him to grow up and remember you're his partner and someone not to objectify.

Unless you want to break up with him anyway, in which case, go right ahead

This is what chat shit get pussy means 👆👆

organicbox · 28/10/2023 08:02

Please please don't stay with this man. He's not interested in who you really are, how you feel, making sure that you feel valued and respected.

He believes a relationship is so that he has somewhere to put his dick, and he may have to spend time with you or occasionally make some effort to talk to you to maintain that. That's not a good man. That's a user and a misogynist. If you ever really need him, he will not show up for you.

The fact that you are slightly flattered by him acknowledging you're better looking/ he's punching is worrying to me too... your bar needs to much much higher.

You just don't have to do this. There is so much better out there for you.

Keep your bar high, and the right guy will meet you there. Anyone who doesn't recognise your worth, drop like a stone, and never look back.

heheheheh · 28/10/2023 08:12

All you need to consider is that there are men in this world who would never, ever send such a text in their entire life.

heheheheh · 28/10/2023 08:12

So why go for the subspecies of men who do?

Eddielizzard · 28/10/2023 08:13

That would undoubtedly be the end. Listen to your gut, always.

I love Kittensat36's text: chat shit, no more pussy

Honestly, even his friends think he's a wanker

Original poster
DoYouAgree · 28/10/2023 08:19

Thanks everyone I really do believe it's the end.

Like lots of you have said things haven't been quite right and this has just felt like it's proved my point to me at least that I'm just someone to be company/have sex with but I'm not special to him.

I think by the look of the chat he'd posted a video of me with my drink , not in a creepy way they all put videos on there of what they're up to etc and his mates comment came on the back of that,

Oh well, Onwards and upwards Sad

OP posts:
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