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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this card is inappropriate?

311 replies

Hexandthecity · 27/10/2023 20:54

Saw this in a supermarket the other day. I find it very distasteful and almost upsetting. Surely if we're condemning sexual violence, we're condemning all sexual violence? Rape jokes are not acceptable, so why is a card joking about serious sexual assault OK?

To think this card is inappropriate?
OP posts:
Original poster
Hexandthecity · 27/10/2023 21:57

MyDogSmellsTerrible · 27/10/2023 21:51

"What's the relevance of that to this thread?"

The relevance is that there are actual real life atrocities going on right now.

And you're getting upset over a bloody card!!!

I have this amazing ability to care about more than one thing at a time. Had a discussion with DH about what is happening in Israel/ Gaza earlier and now I'm posting about this on Mumsnet. The fact that there is a horrendous war going on in the Middle East does not mean that nothing else matters anymore. Ironically though, the same posters being rude to me for being too serious would probably accuse of being too serious for debating the ethics of a war on a Friday evening.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:57

All these posts joking about the 'length of the handle' or 'that's not what the A&E doctor said' are repugnant.

You really think it's ok to joke about the concept of sexual assault?

CurlewKate · 27/10/2023 21:58

I don't like it because it's crude and unfunny.

SamAndEIIa · 27/10/2023 21:59

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:57

All these posts joking about the 'length of the handle' or 'that's not what the A&E doctor said' are repugnant.

You really think it's ok to joke about the concept of sexual assault?

THE CARD IS JOKING ABOUT A MAN STICKING THE HANDLE UP HIS OWN ARSE WHEN INSTRUCTED TO DO SO BY HIS WIFE.

Damnloginpopup · 27/10/2023 21:59

Think I shall have another gin while I watch this snowball...

StarDolphins · 27/10/2023 21:59

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:56

@StarDolphins

Yes, humour is subjective.

But even if I don't find something funny myself, I can understand the joke.

There's no joke here.

It's two statements. There's nothing to find funny.

Unless you're suggesting that simply stating that a man was sexually assaulted is funny? 🤔

This card isn’t REAL!!!! No one was sexually assaulted!🤣

For your own sanity, please don’t watch The Office, Extras, some episodes of Only Fools & Horses or Faulty Towers.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 27/10/2023 21:59

Hexandthecity · 27/10/2023 21:04

No but it references something that does happen IRL. By your logic, a card making fun of a woman being raped is fine too?

Show quote history

Women insert vacuum cleaners up men's bums IRL? That's news to me.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:59

The joke is that it’s relatable for many people of both genders.

What is?

All the card says is the man comments on imperfect vacuuming. Then that said vacuum was inserted extremely far into him.

What joke exists there?

And what on earth do you mean about relatable? 😳

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 27/10/2023 21:59

When I saw the title I thought it was going to be an awful joke about rape or something. Personally I don’t find the card offensive. I don’t find it that funny either but certainly not offensive.

In my opinion it’s not a joke about sexual abuse, it’s a joke about someone being pissed off at another person commenting on their hoovering. The phrase “shove it up your arse” doesn’t really refer to people literally putting things up their arse does it…it means piss off/you’ve annoyed me etc. This card is similar in my eyes. Not a joke about literally putting something up someone’s arse.

Ghost01 · 27/10/2023 22:00

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2023 20:58

I don't like it and wouldn't buy it.

But joking about women sexually assaulting men isn't the same as male jokes about raping and sexually assaulting women. Because one is an epidemic and one is not. One is something that affects a huge number of women and the other is something that really doesn't affect men.

It's awful though, if that helps.

Ohhh I’m not sure I agree with you here - it is never ok to joke about sexual assault regardless of which way round it is. I think it’s hugely double standard for women to joke about it when we would be (quite rightly) furious and disgusted if it was the other way round.

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 27/10/2023 22:00

It's a play on 'shove it up your arse'.

Its a rubbish card but I wouldn't have got upset or offended at it. I genuinely do not know how people manage to get through the day if things like this upset them. The world can be a harsh place, this wouldn't even register as something to take notice of.

... Grooming gangs, child abuse and deliberate arson, now that's something that would upset me.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 22:00

Because, it’s a card. It’s not a true life event.

That makes no sense.

Something doesn't only have to be real life to be offensive - you do get that, don't you?

HootyMcBoob · 27/10/2023 22:00

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:51

I found it very funny.

That's so disturbing.

Apart from whether you find it offensive or not, what's the joke? What's the part we are meant to find funny? It's just a statement. There's nothing witty or clever about it.

Okay, flower. This is the thing with humour - it's subjective. Some people watch Mrs Brown's Boys and The Big Bang Theory but I'd rather smear my face in one of Boris Johnson's bowel movements than watch 5 minutes of any of that shite.

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 27/10/2023 22:01

titchy · 27/10/2023 21:03

If shoving hoovers up arses was normal it wouldn't be a joke....

Don't like the card at all, but it's not joking about sexual assault. The balance of power is opposite to reality.

Now if you were cross about the fact that it's normalising women doing the hoovering you'd have a point...

Show quote history

This.

I wouldn't buy the card myself but I also would not associate it with sexual violence.

I presume the card is based on an old insult along the lines of "stick it up your bum" which was associated with whatever was being argued about was shit as opposed to anal rape.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 22:01

THE CARD IS JOKING ABOUT A MAN STICKING THE HANDLE UP HIS OWN ARSE WHEN INSTRUCTED TO DO SO BY HIS WIFE.

What?

How is that a joke? Or your interpretation of the card.

Save your SHOUTY CAPS

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 22:02

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 21:53

Oh please!! FFS!! It's not real! It didn't happen!!!

So a card about sexual assault on a woman would also be funny because it 'didn't happen'?

There's nothing sexual about it. It's about a woman standing up for herself against a prick of a man. It's more 'allegorical', in a sense.

If the woman inserted the hoover (I can't believe I just fucking even typed that) - it would not be for sexual reasons!!! No sexual intent about it. Plus it's a metaphor.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 27/10/2023 22:02

VeridicalVagabond · 27/10/2023 21:06

It's just shitty all around. That boring "oh ho ho old ball and chain it's funny because hating your spouse is normal and amusing" humour that just isn't funny.

Now that's a good reason to object to it.

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 22:02

HootyMcBoob · 27/10/2023 22:00

Okay, flower. This is the thing with humour - it's subjective. Some people watch Mrs Brown's Boys and The Big Bang Theory but I'd rather smear my face in one of Boris Johnson's bowel movements than watch 5 minutes of any of that shite.

Show quote history

G'wan....

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 22:03

This card isn’t REAL!!!!
The card is real. It exists. 🙄

It's possible to have something offensive that isn't about a real life event. You must know this.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 27/10/2023 22:03

Fucking hell have a day off

Damnloginpopup · 27/10/2023 22:04

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 22:02

There's nothing sexual about it. It's about a woman standing up for herself against a prick of a man. It's more 'allegorical', in a sense.

If the woman inserted the hoover (I can't believe I just fucking even typed that) - it would not be for sexual reasons!!! No sexual intent about it. Plus it's a metaphor.

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Irrespective of intent, it is assault and as it would be inserted anally it is therefore sexual assault.

Can't believe I'm.typing thus either 🤣

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 22:04

This is the thing with humour - it's subjective.

Agreed.

But using sexual assault as the premise for any joke isn't acceptable.

fluffypotatoes · 27/10/2023 22:04

Hexandthecity · 27/10/2023 21:10

I can't quite work out if you're being genuine or sarcastic? I don't really use Twitter FWIW

Show quote history

No. I'm absolutely serious

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 22:05

Damnloginpopup · 27/10/2023 21:59

Think I shall have another gin while I watch this snowball...

I think I need another gin... a strong one!!!

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2023 22:05

it would not be for sexual reasons!!!

I can't believe this needs to be said - it's sexual assault regardless of the reason or intent.

It's making a joke about sexual assault.