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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In trouble, I grabbed the best room!

347 replies

Singletraveller · 27/10/2023 19:49

I'm on holiday with a group of mates; they have partners and I dont. Last time we went away together the couple that arrived first at the cottage grabbed the best room, with no shame or negotiation! We all ended up joking that this time round we would race eachother for the best room...all a bit whacky races and jovial! Anyway, I got there well before anyone else for various travel related reasons, so grabbed the best room. Big with an ensuite. The other rooms were nice just a bit smaller...one didnt have an ensuite. Anyhow, one of the couples has kicked off - because Im single, I shouldn't have the biggest room apparently. Given they're all essentially nice rooms, this feels a bit shitty...should I have quietly taken a 'lesser' room just because I'm a solo traveller?? All so petty I know, but peed off at the sour atmosphere after all the joking about rooms in the run up.

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 31/10/2023 07:45

What privileged behaviour your 'friends have! Stay in the room you bagged. Bugger them!

My exp of this is v different to yours, OP. When we went away until a big group, the couples got the biggest rooms and the rest of us got what was left, but the couples all protested saying they didn't want to take the best rooms just cos they were couples. The singletons amongst us, all felt the same and said we're good. I chose the smallest room - it was cosy and I was fine! That's the behaviour of real friends. In your case...

Jcf1977 · 31/10/2023 08:33

That doesn’t make sense. The others paid for half a room each, you paid say 2/3 of the room price… so really you should have 2/3 of a room… ie the smaller one…? You should still have had an en-suite bC of the rule of first come, but with the discount I would say one of the other lesser rooms would have been more tactful / fairer. Shit that they are being shitty but I think you probably made your bed there given the situation.

HotBlueandLuminous · 31/10/2023 08:33

When you go away with friends though, decisions for me would never be based upon 'who paid what'. It would be based upon practicalities and comfort.

If I was travelling alone in this scenario, regardless of what I had paid I would not take the biggest room it just makes no sense. The largest rooms typically have the most storage space for clothes etc.

The dynamic though I have experienced is different. Typically everyone is trying to push the biggest room on someone else - either because they organised the trip or so on.

I typically wouldn't bag a room until others arrived and then we would discuss it. If I did bag a room I would bag a smaller one - to me it just shows a little consideration for others. I really don't like that 'me first' attitude and to be honest - if I was with a group where people were arguing about who had the biggest room it would be the last trip I went on with them.

WombatChocolate · 31/10/2023 09:23

The trouble is, that in almost all properties, there are rooms of different sizes and different qualities.

Someone or one group will always have to go in the lesser room. There is always the potential for whoever that is to feel short-changed….if they are the kind of person who feels like that.

Above,someone mentioned the rooms somewhere with bunk beds and sofa beds. Clearly these are lesser rooms than the bigger double room. When the property was booked, it will have been clear the rooms were not all equal.

You can get into calculations of price to be paid based upon the quality of room, size of room etc etc, but to most this will feel like penny pinching and be unnecessary. Practicalities usually count for something and make sense to most people….larger groups get bigger rooms and probably the limited en-suite rooms too, so a larger number of people get to benefit from those facilities, plus of course, a smaller number are left sharing any joint facitilities. But if the single person wants to take the bigger room or the en-suite room, because ‘why should they miss out due to being single’ then that means the shared bathroom facilities being shared by more people and often a larger group in a smaller bedroom.

If you book properties with smaller rooms or non-en-suites, you probably have to be prepared to go in the least of the rooms. If you’re very bothered about not doing this, you need to agree how rooms will be alloactaed before you book. The same goes for all the other disagreements which seem to happen in self catering group hols - how will food bills be split, booze bills etc. Where there is a mix of single people, couples and families, it seems there is always scope for someone to feel taken advantage of or someone to feel others have had more than their share. As I said before, group holidays don’t really work for people who want to ensure their own definition of fair is applied to the letter. If you aren’t prepared to take the lesser room or pay a bit more, then it’s best not to go.

If I’d been first to arrive and as the single in a group of couples, I wouldn’t have taken the best room. That wouldn’t have been because I felt that as a single I deserved less blah blah blah, but because I’d have thought about the fact that if I did that, 2 people, instead of just one would end up with the non-en-suite room. But sometimes I think single people have an axe to grind…and I can understand it ….they feel the world revolves around couples and they often get a bad deal…..and in a sense they are right because many things, including many bedrooms are built for two. But when you choose to go on a holiday with couples, you know it’s majority couples and recognise it as such ….that doesn’t mean feeling inferior or due lesser facilities, but simply that practicalities might mean couples having first access to facilities that were designed for 2 people.

As a childless single at certain points, I sometimes holidayed with couples and families. It did feel like the timetable revolved around the needs of small children and I always had the smallest room. But to be honest, if I’d wanted a different kind of holiday, I’d have needed to find a group of singles to go with. It wouldn’t have made sense for a couple or family to be in the room I had. We would have had to book a bigger and more expensive place if the family were to take more rooms. So I accepted that at this point and in this scenario, it helped if I was the flexible one. And yes, the families probably did have a slightly annoying g expectation that I would be. Couples and families can seem annoying entitled sometimes. But in practical terms for them to say or insist that I took the better facilities and they woukd squeeze into the lesser facilities, or if the rooms were equal sized, use the shared bathroom, just would have been more impracticality for more people. And what’s the point…..unless you really want to make some kind of point or have zero awareness of the needs of others…..and if that’s the case, why are you going away with these people who are your so-called friends, if all you want to do is make a point about singles in the world?

Tryandfindout · 31/10/2023 09:31

The op paid more than 50% so infact paid more than any other individual on the trip, or to look at it another way the couples got a discount per head as they are coupled up

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 31/10/2023 09:56

There's always going to be discord when a group of adult friends book a property, as the majority of their guests will most probably be families.

Bunk beds are ideal - and fun - for children; and younger kids don't tend to care about en-suites (they may actually be unsafe for them to have access to unsupervised). It doesn't matter if their rooms are small, because little ones will tend to dominate the shared living areas in the daytime.

Conversely, a larger en-suite room for the (usually two) parents is often very welcome and practical - and it often also serves as the night-time 'engine room' for the whole family, depending on ages of the kids.

Surely you can't rent accommodation that's ostensibly designed around a family group dynamic and then be surprised/annoyed when the rooms aren't perfect for groups of adult friends all wanting equally 'good' rooms according to their criteria?

RB68 · 31/10/2023 11:46

Just indicate they are sore losers lol

Vonesk · 31/10/2023 14:29

How brave to go away Solo with ALL couples. I could not. I would feel cut off.
If your Single you deserve the best room as a consolation for being alone at night.
Maybe they can't see that point of view.

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 15:09

Funny how the "practicalities" always favour the married and childed.

MerryChristmasToYou · 31/10/2023 15:16

There's always going to be discord when a group of adult friends book a property, as the majority of their guests will most probably be families.
But it isn't.

If someone needed a longer bed because of height I'd swap. Many beds are too short for people over 6 ft tall.

WombatChocolate · 31/10/2023 15:30

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 15:09

Funny how the "practicalities" always favour the married and childed.

In properties, isn’t this simply because houses which groups go on holiday to, are usually built for families…..so a mix of rooms for couples and for single people, such as children.

Isn’t the practical issue simply that single people are one and couples and two and families usually more than 2. And more people take up more space. Isn’t it as simple as that, rather than a conspiracy against single people?

WombatChocolate · 31/10/2023 15:43

A bit of consideration from everyone is important. It’s problematic when anyone gets a chip on their shoulder and imagines they are always being short-changed and need to re-assert their rights to redress the balance…..not fun for anyone to be with.

Yes, couples and families should be aware that it’s not always easy for singles and be considerate of them and not expect everything to revolve around them. When it comes to families and small children especially, there simply is less flexibility than a single person has. If that’s disliked or resented, it’s best for singles or childless couples to steer well clear for that period of time.

If you have friends that are seemingly selfish families…..want to take over the house with toys, eat their main meal at 5pm and be up making a noise at 6am, then don’t go on holiday with them.

When daily plans are made, it feels like the majority usually make the decisions. Bigger multi-generational holidays often feel like they revolve around the families with young kids. It often just needs to be like for a few years. Yes, it’s a bit annoying for the singles who feel their view is never the priority…it’s always them on the sofa bed, or having to go on a day out they don’t want to. In the end, they have to choose if they want to spend time with those people or not. It’s not obligatory.

We know that coupledom is the majority thing in society. Rooms are doubles..supplements for those travelling alone. Lots of things are sold in pairs. It can be tough being single if others your age are in couples or families…no doubt about it. You can feel like the afterthought. But it’s always a choice about if to press on with those relationships or let them slide. No-one has to go on holiday with couples or families or go to the family home for Christmas. The reality for lots of singles though, is that their pool of single friends dwindles (I know - I’ve been there) and it can be a case of going with the families and couples or not going away at all. It’s better not to go than to be the bitter person who seethes about things being arranged around other people, and trying to assert their right to equal top choices in everything, when practically that’s going to be difficult a lot of the time. Isn’t it better to be the cheery person who is a bit flexible and also able to talk about the fun they still have as a single person, that perhaps those with small kids look longingly back to? The grass isn’t always greener. Just saying. Attitude is everything and on-one enjoys their time with bitter people.

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 16:20

Why is it "bitter" and "inflexible" to expect one's fair share of the amenities?

WombatChocolate · 31/10/2023 16:36

The thing is, the amenities are not split into one-person portions, so that everyone can have their exactly equal share. Most rooms sleep 2 or more. When decisions are made about activities to do for the day, if a whole group activity is chosen, in likelihood it won’t be what everyone chose. Some people have to take the smaller/less well fitted room and go along with activities that wouldn’t be their choice.
Within friendship and family groups, most people are willing to make some compromises. When single people are the minority and especially where room allocations are concerned, it often does fall on them to have the lesser facility. They lose out. If the couple or family had the lesser facility, more people lose out. And that’s why in many cases, the single will say ‘I’ll go in the single room’ or ‘I’ll take the room without the en-suite and let you two have the en-suite instead’.
It would be nice if sometimes the couple said ‘No, you have the bigger room with the en-suite’ and that can work if there’s another double room, but not so much if the other room is a single.

I think the issue in groups is when anyone ‘expects’ fair shares. It always works better when people are willing to be the person who takes the lesser option. When a couple seem to want a double room, it seems to make sense. When a single person seems to want the double room, it doesn’t seem to make sense. That’s potentially more than their share of the amenities…each person has access to one bed space. When some rooms have double beds, those require 2 people. It’s why often 2 singles end up sharing - another bone of contention. They could have a room each, but the question is whether they are prepared to pay for 2 bed spaces if those rooms are doubles and only one of them is in there. It’s all tricky and often a cause of friction.

Justus6 · 31/10/2023 16:49

Tell them to get fucked you are just as entitled to have a nice room! Don't sound like real friends to me.

FarEast · 31/10/2023 17:06

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 15:09

Funny how the "practicalities" always favour the married and childed.

Indeed.

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 18:30

WombatChocolate · 31/10/2023 16:36

The thing is, the amenities are not split into one-person portions, so that everyone can have their exactly equal share. Most rooms sleep 2 or more. When decisions are made about activities to do for the day, if a whole group activity is chosen, in likelihood it won’t be what everyone chose. Some people have to take the smaller/less well fitted room and go along with activities that wouldn’t be their choice.
Within friendship and family groups, most people are willing to make some compromises. When single people are the minority and especially where room allocations are concerned, it often does fall on them to have the lesser facility. They lose out. If the couple or family had the lesser facility, more people lose out. And that’s why in many cases, the single will say ‘I’ll go in the single room’ or ‘I’ll take the room without the en-suite and let you two have the en-suite instead’.
It would be nice if sometimes the couple said ‘No, you have the bigger room with the en-suite’ and that can work if there’s another double room, but not so much if the other room is a single.

I think the issue in groups is when anyone ‘expects’ fair shares. It always works better when people are willing to be the person who takes the lesser option. When a couple seem to want a double room, it seems to make sense. When a single person seems to want the double room, it doesn’t seem to make sense. That’s potentially more than their share of the amenities…each person has access to one bed space. When some rooms have double beds, those require 2 people. It’s why often 2 singles end up sharing - another bone of contention. They could have a room each, but the question is whether they are prepared to pay for 2 bed spaces if those rooms are doubles and only one of them is in there. It’s all tricky and often a cause of friction.

What is the problem with "more people lose out" ??

Your premise is that single people need to sacrifice for the greater good. Many of us disagree, because the sacrifices only go one way, as we have found.

Let the families be a little bit cramped or inconvenienced for a change, so that the solo participants can have luxury and comfort for a change.

Jem123456789 · 31/10/2023 19:58

If you didn’t pay the same room rate then you shouldn’t have chosen the biggest room. That’s it.

novalia89 · 31/10/2023 20:47

Jem123456789 · 31/10/2023 19:58

If you didn’t pay the same room rate then you shouldn’t have chosen the biggest room. That’s it.

But the problem is it's not a hotel, it's a shared facility with a group of friends who are also using the other shared amenities and because it's not charged on a per head basis, she is already paying more per head than everyone else there. And she is expected to have the worst room even though she is paying more than everyone else. She is literally expected to pay more for the shittest room.

It should have been divided per head in a friend group, not per room. They decided to invite you even though they knew you didn't have anyone to fit that other place in your room. Then names in the hat for the best room.

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 20:58

Exactly, @novalia89

The couples are going to use more of the common space, probably more of the fridge, whatever other amenities are available.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 31/10/2023 21:00

You are spot on @Lavender14 but as a single woman, I always get the shittier room, bed, mattress on the floor etc. Seems like a lot of people think couple trumps single all the time.

ImAnExcavator · 31/10/2023 21:03

We always say that the organiser gets first dibs on the room which seems fair for the hassle. If the remaining rooms vary quite a bit, we've on occasions pulled straws so it's fair.

Iris1976 · 31/10/2023 21:07

As a good will gesture and to piss off the pissed couple even more I would offer to swap with the couple who have no ensuite,with the proviso that the main bathroom is for your sole use x

LaurieStrode · 31/10/2023 21:17

Iris1976 · 31/10/2023 21:07

As a good will gesture and to piss off the pissed couple even more I would offer to swap with the couple who have no ensuite,with the proviso that the main bathroom is for your sole use x

And that's another thing. Regardless of room size, why should the solo traveler always have to use a communal bathroom? If anything, they should have priority for the en suites, as they aren't accustomed to sharing. Couples are used to it.

Libra24 · 01/11/2023 18:23

It sounds like 3 couples and a single friend.
One couple and the single have had the best room now. The next trip it's a coin toss between the two remaining couples for the best room. And then first choice to the remaining couple. Sorry but single people aren't second class citizens who don't enjoy an ensuite 😂
Also if all rooms but one had an ensuite... Then you all use your own bathrooms and leave the family bath to the couple with no ensuite. It's really not that hard.
People should choose better mates tbh.

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