In not having a career?

[Longandmistylane]

I am currently on maternity leave and weighing up whether to go back or not. I am wondering about this because so often on here I see women told they have 30/40 years left of working life after their children start school, but having small children at home for 4-6 years and then pursuing a career for the next however many whilst juggling school pick ups and drop offs and holidays (if you don’t work in a school or other educational setting) feels absolutely exhausting to me. I know it partly depends on how old you are - I’m pretty old to have young kids so that might be it, while I have friends who had children in their early/mid twenties so that makes sense. But AIBU not to be thinking of pursuing a glittering career in my 40s/50s?

I’m just wondering if anyone does actually pursue a career post kids?

Definitely. I have had 7 promotions or more senior job changes since my youngest was born 18 years ago.

I think I've got 1 or 2 more step ups in me before retirement. Harder as there aren't as many steps left to try for. I'm in my 50's now but still enjoying my career.

Yes, of course.

My career has progressed in leaps and bounds since having dd. I'm very glad of it now that she is an adult. I was 32 when I had her.

It probably helped that I was relatively senior before I had her, which definitely gave me some leverage in negotiating the flexibility that I wanted.

It also helped that my DH was ready to share responsibilities equally. Much harder if you have a sexist partner who assumes that you're the default parent.

Finally, it was probably easier due to only having one dc, though I am confident that I would have been able to maintain my career with two as well, if nature hadn't decided that that a second baby wasn't happening.

I don't know OP, I'd always advise my friends to keep their job, part time, if possible. It is hard juggling school runs and work but you find a way.
I grew up with a mother who was and still is totally dependent on my father for money, every small purchase had to go through him, and it's not what I wanted for myself.
I think it's important to have some financial independence. You never know what's around the corner.

You don't need to strive to have a career, a job that pays ok and that you enjoy is more than enough. But everyone's different, some people have equal partnerships and if you don't need to go back to work, you don't have to.
Whatever you decide is fine. Some women love being SAHMs, I would have been climbing the walls. There is no right or wrong answer.

You're not being unreasonable at all, it depends what is important to you. If it's not a career and you can afford to be a SAHM and that's what you want then I'd highly recommend it.
I never found a job I liked let alone one that came close to looking after my kids, so for me it was a no brainer. Other people feel differently, but YANBU to do what's right for you.

The decision on whether to work or not, is entirely up to you. If you're home looking after kids and saving on childcare, I can see why some would. I wouldn't expect it to be forever though OP, surely you remaining unemployed once the childcare issue is passed would mean he has to work longer and harder than he would if you contributed financially. A job or a career, doesn't matter, I wouldn't support that with my partner, no.

You don't have to have a big 'career' but a job yes.

@MonaDaVinci i suppose this is what I am asking.

So hypothetically you could give up work: let’s say two children two years apart and I was old when I had then so 7 years out puts me at 48 when I’m re entering the workforce. Am I going to be up for promotion then? Honestly I doubt it. Hard to say.

First baby born early 30s second mid 30s. My career had a long training phase so I was still early career when they were born but now mid career in early 40s. It was definitely harder to progress having kids but still managed, maybe at a slower rate.

I didn’t work as hard when my DCs were younger and I was in my 20s/30s. I figured I’d never have those years back and wanted to prioritise my family (I’m a single mum). I thought I’d make bigger strides in my 40s now they are grown up but honestly, I’m knackered.
Just do what works for you. You never know what the future will bring.

It's a very personal decision and there isn't necessarily right or wrong answer. I have mixed between pt, sahm and most recently ft. The one thing I have always been absolutely brutal about is putting my children and family life first. There has got to be time and space in every sense for me to be an engaged and hands-on parent. I treasure every second I spent at home with them, even though it came with substantial professional sacrifice and frustration sometimes.
What I would say is that I am very privileged to have had choices to do what felt right at each time in my life. I never wanted to be a mum only to return to work after 6.months and have them in ft childcare. That was just never an option for me. Of course my career is not as glittering and I had less money at certain points. It was worth it though.
To my great surprise, well into my 40s I have found an unexpected career opportunity that fits in well with my family life and brings me great satisfaction. It isn't necessarily over for opportunity just because you prioritise being at home with your children in the early years. I really wish I could go back to my younger self and reassure her that it wasn't all over career-wise. I would say I have been able to have a awful lot, but not necessarily at the same time. My current situation only works also because of a very robust support network from husband, family etc.
Good luck with your choices, remember your decisions now don't have to be your decisions forever.

I think it very much depends on your sector and what you've done so far.

I had DD at 21 and was a SAHM until I was 31 when my youngest started school. Now at 38 I've never had a FT job. When the youngest is 18, I'll be 44 so fully plan to sort more of a career out then, but I'll be starting from the bottom.

I think k if you're late 30s and have enjoyed some career success it's going to be harder to give it all up and get back in at the same level, but i still think I'd do it for my kids benefit, had that been my situation.

I sort of pursued a career, but have definitely put the brakes on a bit.

I side stepped into a role that had a lot of career progression and then had two DDs in pretty quick succession. After mat leave with DD2 I got a promotion and studied alongside work but went part time.

Now DDs are both in primary school I'm debating whether to pursue my career, which in all likelihood would mean increasing my hours, or just plodding along for a bit. I'm leaning towards the second option as I feel I've got a good level of being around for them, time to myself (I work 3 days a week) and time at work at a level I'm confident in and can do with my eyes shut.

I can envisage a time where I'll progress my career and take the next step up/increase my hours but who knows? I may just decide I'm happy being mid-level in a career and part time.

I don't think there are right or wrong answers. Every option has it's own positives and drawbacks.

I've been a SAHM / housewife for getting on for 20 years!

Had children throughout my 20s and 30s, DH has always worked and I have full joint access to finances etc

Now all my children are at school and I have no rush to "get back" to work. We are happy on DH salary (and it's not massive). We enjoy the simple things in life. Also one of DC is disabled so I'm their carer so that would make it harder to get a job, after school care etc just isn't suitable.

All I would say is that I wish someone had told me not to rely on someone else having the career. I don't regret being at home with my children, but I wish I'd managed to build enough of a career to be comfortable now. Supporting children/ teenagers on minimum wage is no joke, and I never thought it would happen to me. I was wrong.

YANBU. It's brilliant being able to be at home with the kids. If you dont want a 'career' in your 40s, then don't. Some people have fulfilling careers that they enjoy. Good for them. Like you, I've always got plenty to do and enjoy. I'm fulfilled, happy and content not being a career woman in my 40s. I can't think of anything worse than focusing on my career at this point. Each to their own.

but how can you 'honestly be wondering' this on a larger level unless you live in a cave or 1952?

I can understand wondering whether it's the right thing for you, but how can you not be aware of any friends/work colleagues, even famous figures like celebrities and politicians who all clearly have kids and still have significant careers?

Yes obviously women do it!

I had DS at 40. I am now 46 and halfway through three years of accountancy training. I have no financial independence. DH and I do not want to be together anymore but I can’t afford to rent anywhere on my current salary. When I qualify, I should be able to earn about £30k a year and work up from that. I won’t be able to afford a car on that salary but I will be able to rent a 2-bed place for me and DS.

The majority of my friends have jobs not careers

I’m just wondering if anyone does actually pursue a career post kids?

I also find this question surprising. Surely, even if you don't know anyone at all who has a career, you can't fail to be aware that some women with children have careers. There are hundreds of us on here.

I have a career because I have to: I'm a single mother without any family support so there is literally no one else who can do it for me. Millions of women in this country work or have careers for all sorts of reasons, it's slightly bizarre that you seem to be struggling with.

To echo what others have said, there's no right or wrong answer to your question and it depends mainly on your financial position and a discussion with your husband. It will also depend on your personality and how you want to live. Some people basically don't want to work and would rather remain with their children, others love their career.

As others have said, though, it is very risky to be wholly reliant on another person for your financial security. Not only risky for you, it's risky for your children as well. I would be very careful about putting yourself in a position where you have no income at all.

I've never had a career. I have always had a job though. As long as the bills get paid with a bit left over I'm happy. I clock in, do my job, clock out and don't think about anything work related when I'm not there. I have zero work-related stress and a good work/life balance.

I’m just wondering if anyone does actually pursue a career post kids?

Don’t be so ridiculous of course many women pursue a career post kids. I took a big step back when my kids arrived - less demanding role and part time working. I’m now stepping into a role at the same level as the one I stepped back from albeit still part time but more hours than I have been doing. I’m an older mum too but it’s important to me to be actively engaged in work, and to keep a roof over our heads.

And of course when you say “anyone” you mean women, because noone questions whether a man would pursue a career post kids.

Ahem - what about the father? Both parents should be sharing the load of bringing up children.

This is not the 1950s.

I’m just wondering if anyone does actually pursue a career post kids?

I was a junior manager on £30k when I stopped for my first maternity leave.

Im now an exec level on more than £100k

Still got 15+ years of my career to go unless I retire early.

Most of my women friends have careers although some have jobs.

If every parent did that, who would be keeping the economy going, providing services, is it just the child free that should be working. What a stupid comment.

I think lots of women pick up more hours when kids get older as either they have a career type employment or they need the money/want to build a pension.
For many staying at home isn't an option with the financial constraints placed on the household